Retreat on Koh Samui. Dipabhavan - silent army for the mind

At the end of April, beginning of May, after another visa run, I was faced with a choice of where and how to spend the next two weeks before flying to Hong Kong. I no longer wanted to stay in Phuket, so I chose between Krabi, Koh Tao, Koh Phangan and a retreat on Koh Samui. For one reason or another, I nevertheless chose the opportunity for spiritual development and a new experience for myself - a retreat, which I signed up for in advance back in March. Looking ahead, I will note that I did not regret the choice I made.

Everything began to come together like a puzzle on the way to my visa, when I met two very interesting people. The first, a Petersburger who has been living and working as a guide in Phuket for two years, told me interesting stories about his wanderings in China, Iraq, and how he was expelled from Tibet. The second, New Zealander Malcolm, talked about the role of fate in a person’s life, about how he worked as a casino manager in Las Vegas, on a cruise ship in Hong Kong, managed the subway in Tokyo, and dealt with oil issues in Belarus. He speaks Russian quite well, and is now writing a book about his adventures in Phuket. These seemingly strangers inspired me to new exploits, and as if wordlessly said that I was on the right path. This is why I love chance encounters while traveling!

Before the retreat, I needed to spend a couple of days on Samui and I went with thoughts about where to look for housing, how much it would cost, etc. pressing issues. But on the ferry and minibus that took me from the pier to Lamai beach, I met a Muscovite who came on vacation to a friend who rents a house here. They invited me to stay with them for a couple of nights. Although I was hoping to see the sights of the island in these few days, we were stuck watching movies, on the beach, in cafes, cooking, night rides through the jungle on a moped.... in general, although it was not educational, it was very fun and friendly!

Actually, this was just the background to how I got to the retreat.

I’ll tell you briefly about what kind of beast this is - the Deepabhavan meditation center, where the retreat takes place. Firstly, this is not a sect, as many may think. No one here is trying to convert you to Buddhism or any other religion. We did not pray, did not bow, did not read mantras. This is a place where you can be alone with yourself, think, dig deeper. In order to direct thoughts in the right direction, twice a day the monk gives interesting live lectures on the basic truths of Buddhism as applied to ordinary worldly life.

The meditation technique in this Anapanasati center is ana-inhalation, pana-exhalation, sati-observation, concentration, attention, perseverance, concentration. This is exactly what is taught here. It helps a lot to bring back the “runaway” mind. This technique differs from the more famous and fashionable now Vipassana. (By the way, now people who do not understand this issue call everything Vipassana, which is not correct). Vipassana is a meditation technique when you get to know the world around you as it is, through observing it, through observing your body... something like that...

In order to make it easier to dig into yourself, a vow of silence is imposed for all 7 days of the retreat, i.e. participants have no right to talk to each other, correspond, and preferably not even make eye contact. Any information supply from the outside is also prohibited, that is, telephone, Internet, books, magazines, tablets. Only you and your thoughts.

In fact, this is a very cool practice - fewer words, fewer problems. When people are silent, they are such sweethearts! Nobody argues, makes no claims, doesn’t boast, doesn’t make noise - ideal conditions for the existence of society))) I’m joking, of course))) Although at first we zealously adhered to this rule and walked around with such “things in themselves”. It’s not difficult to remain silent here, there’s nothing to say, and you don’t really want to, but due to the fact that there are still extraneous sounds - lectures, the chattering of insects, there is no ringing silence. But in fact, we girls slightly could not stand this rule, and on the evening of the last day we already began to whisper.... then we were carried away, burst through, exploded and we chattered until 3 o'clock in the morning, and we got up, by the way, at 4.30

Yes, yes, I’ll tell you the daily routine:
Wake up at 4.30, then meditation, yoga and breakfast at 7.30. Then perform simple work - sweeping, wiping dishes and a short rest. At 9.30 there is a lecture, walking and sitting meditations, at 11.30 lunch, which is also the last meal of the day, not counting a small afternoon snack at 17.30 with cocoa and fruit. After lunch, more work, rest, and at 14.00 again meditation, lectures until afternoon tea. At 19.30 there is meditation again, and at 21.30 it’s lights out.

Here is a simple routine, consisting mainly of meditation. I knew it in advance and most of all I was afraid of early rises, since for me there is nothing worse than getting up before 9 am...usually, if I get up early, then the whole day is wasted, and then it’s already 4.30! But, I don’t know what the magic of this place is, but all 7 days waking up was very easy, fun and cheerful. Then during the day I didn’t even want to sleep, although there was such an opportunity.

Also, at the beginning, we zealously observed the meditation pose, everyone sat straight, trying not to stir or move. But after the monk said that the pose is not so important for meditation, everyone relaxed, occupied all the walls and columns, and built themselves almost chairs with armrests from mats and pillows))))

We lived in separate buildings for women and men.

The women's building was a hall with two wings with high-backed beds that created a certain degree of privacy.

Of all the amenities - this very wooden bed covered with a mat, a wooden pillow and a mosquito net - everything is very Spartan.

The wooden pillow deserves a separate discussion, because at first I was scared of it - “how can I sleep on it???”, but it turned out that sleeping on it is very comfortable. This was noted by many other participants, and they even joked that they needed to take it to Russia, patent it and start production.

I was also worried that I would get hungry and that I wouldn’t have enough food with two meals a day. But either I was lucky and didn’t get hungry, or again there is some kind of magic in this place, but I didn’t feel like eating at all and eating vegetarian food twice a day was enough. There were also fruits - watermelons, pineapples, bananas, tea-coffee-cocoa. In general, you can live.

The hardest thing was, of course, to meditate, sit in the lotus position for half an hour, and concentrate on freeing your mind from thoughts. On the contrary, thoughts, images, ideas, memories kept popping into my head. I calculated that we were awake for 17 hours for 6 days, that's a little over 100 hours of continuous mental flow! What can you change your mind during this time...

The participants were mostly young people, and only about 4 people were over forty. For some reason, everyone seemed very close and familiar, as if I had seen them somewhere before, like deja vu, or they reminded me of someone. I wasn't the only one who had this feeling. Apparently it was predetermined that we would gather in just such a group.

On the penultimate day there was a very sincere and sweet evening, when we could gather in a circle in the meditation hall and speak about the days spent here, the experience gained, thank the organizers and wish something to the participants. It reminded me of the pioneer camp from childhood, only here everything was more serious and conscious.

Judging by my words, a refined perception of this entire process may develop. No, in fact, there were also disadvantages, but very small, insignificant and there were very few of them. For example, the roosters crowing in wild voices under the windows blew our minds! The water from the cooler also seemed tasteless, and I was constantly thirsty...

To conclude this post, I would like to say that such a retreat is an amazing experience. In terms of self-discipline, departure from the usual daily routine, the opportunity to stop and think about yourself, your desires, behavior, attitude towards life, what and how you do. I would happily go through it again.

P.S. If you want to know a little more about the retreat and meditation center Deepabhavan - welcome to their

Updated: 2017-1-30

Oleg Lazhechnikov

Surprisingly, many people were interested in my recent experience of undergoing a retreat (almost Vipassana) on Samui. I was told that such events had become more private and fashionable recently, but I didn't think that almost everyone had heard anything about it. When I learned about retreats 5 years ago, then so few people even remotely knew about it.

Please be kind to my post and the thoughts in it. This is my first retreat experience, although I have been thinking about eternal questions and practices for quite some time. Perhaps all this will seem nonsense to some, wrong interpretations to others, just remember we all have our own perception of the world and our own explanations for it, we are all different. I am only sharing my experience/thoughts and only what I have learned this week. This is not an informational post.

Vipassana means seeing things as they are. And it seems that it is not entirely correct to say “I was in Vipassana” or “I practiced Vipassana.” But the common people often say this, and Google now also tells me that this is a kind of meditation technique, meditation courses. But oh well, let’s not go into terms and definitions. The event itself where I attended is called a retreat, and the meditation technique we practiced is Anapanasati (conscious breathing practice). That is, it’s not exactly Vipassana, but somewhere close. Our teacher said that there are different practices, one is more suitable for some, another for others.

Russian-language retreats are also held in the Moscow region (Goenka centers), but I was not able to get there. I won’t say that I was particularly eager, because if I had been, I probably would have gotten in. There are just a lot of participants, you need to sign up in advance, and places run out within a few minutes after online registration begins. At least that's how it used to be. For several years I completely forgot about the existence of retreats and my desire to go there. And then a trip to Thailand came up for me and quite by chance, in the VKontakte group they sent me a link Deepabhavan Meditation Center. It turned out that exactly at the time when I would be on Samui, a retreat would be held in Russian (my understanding of English is not good), right on New Year’s dates. Everything just fit perfectly into my route, I couldn’t help but go there. Moreover, I am very calm about celebrating the New Year and was glad that I could celebrate it away from Olivier and monotonous congratulations. Plus it turned out quite symbolically, as they say, how you celebrate the New Year is how you spend it.

So, the retreat began on December 31st on the island of Koh Samui in Thailand near Lamai beach. There were almost 90 of us. Those who decided to celebrate the New Year in this way. I thought there would be a lot fewer of us. First, there was a mini-interview, where they again told us about the rules of behavior in the retreat center (be silent, do not consume substances, follow the mandatory daily routine) and asked about the intention to complete the retreat. It’s unlikely that anyone failed the interview, but once again you could understand for yourself whether it was worth it. Then they took away all our equipment and placed us in dormitories, separately for men and separately for women. Since I didn’t have a camera, all the photos were taken on the last day before leaving.

After the introductory lecture and a short sightseeing tour of where everything was, the rule of silence (silence) came into force. And our everyday life began. It’s funny, on the first night I woke up from fireworks and for a long time could not understand what it was, then I remembered that it was New Year’s and calmly fell asleep.

We got up at 4:30 am, and at 5 am readings began (excerpts from books were read out). at 5:15 the first meditation session, yoga, another meditation session at 7:30 breakfast. We were fed 2 times a day, lunch was at 11:30. And at 17:30 evening tea with a banana (and sometimes without). Between breakfast and lunch, between lunch and afternoon tea, and after evening tea there were lectures and meditation sessions. Just about 6 hours of meditation a day. Classes end at 21:00 and lights out at 21:30. The time was struck by a gong.

The food was Thai, simple and uncomplicated, usually rice with vegetables (all food is vegetarian, eggs at most). Every day they gave us 2-3 small pieces of watermelon, a couple of bananas and a dessert of something incomprehensible Thai in a pot. Every time you open it, look and don’t understand what it is. Then you even start eating, and it’s still not clear. In general, it was difficult to stay hungry, since you could go up several times and get more. But 2 times a day, and just such a diet, obviously not everyone will like it.

The dishes were washed independently and quite economically - in 4 basins: in the first there was very soapy water, in the second less soapy, in the third and fourth without soap. This is a very amateurish method; squeamish people will not like it at all.

A room for evening tea, and a panoramic TV on the entire wall

We slept on wooden beds on mats, that is, no mattresses. Those who had a camping mat or yoga mat with them had a much softer sleep. They gave us a thin blanket to cover ourselves with, you know, like a fleece blanket. I slept on one half of the blanket and covered myself with the other half. I felt tough, but not cold, the temperature did not drop, it seems to me, below 24-25 degrees.

We washed with cold water (there are no water heaters), and washed ourselves using containers to save water. I think it caused few difficulties for men, but for girls with long hair it was more difficult. The water, of course, is not as cold as in Russia, but not warm, at room temperature somewhere. There was no toilet paper in the toilets, but you could buy it at the store, which most did.

How do you like the combination “male souls”? :)

When registering on the first day, everyone chose a community service: sweeping paths, washing toilets, wiping dishes, washing indoor floors, etc. I got to clean the toilet. Well, there was another option, but for some reason I signed up for the toilets.

On the last 6th day in the evening, we all gathered in the meditation hall and those who wished could go to the microphone and talk about their experiences and impressions. With each new performance, all these closed and unfamiliar people became more and more familiar. There really was a feeling of a big family. Well, and of course, it was interesting to hear who had what results, what was the most difficult, what was annoying, what was the easiest, to compare with your own feelings. Of course, on the 7th day before leaving, we then talked for a very long time and a lot, sharing our impressions. It's funny, several people told me that I have a very stern face in prostration. I told others the same thing, that I was afraid to look and smile. It turned out that everyone is kind and cheerful people and loves to talk. And we thought about others.

Briefly about meditation

Meditation is a useful practice. It develops attentiveness and develops the mind. Try to monitor your breathing for at least 10 minutes without being distracted by anything. This is the kind of willpower and ability to concentrate that is needed. Our teacher Ajahn Hubert said that the essence of meditation is not in the correct posture, not in sitting still, but in the ability to control your mind. That is, so that it is not he who controls us, but we who control him. Then we can observe our emotions and decide how much we want to engage with them, regardless of whether the emotion is negative or positive. Because usually we get involved in emotions uncontrollably and this causes us suffering. We get upset, angry, offended. Meditation can help a person reduce his suffering, teach him to observe his thoughts and emotions without getting involved in them, thereby simplifying his attitude towards something. You know, as they often say, you can’t change a situation, change your attitude towards it. At the retreat I was able to feel very well what this means.

A conscious approach to life is very important, almost more important than meditation itself. In fact, this is the same practice only in everyday life. Be aware of yourself every time in the present moment. The word “real” has two meanings in Russian: now and real, standing. Therefore, the “present moment” very well reflects the meaning of mindfulness. We are used to doing a lot automatically, without thinking at all: eating, brushing our teeth, riding the subway to work, kissing our child before leaving home. Perhaps only in some bright moments we really realize them. For example, when we see a beautiful sunset, when we climbed to the top of a mountain after a week of travel with a backpack, when we step off the plane somewhere in Bangkok and inhale the smell of our beloved Asia, or when we lay down on a sun lounger on the first day of vacation with a glass of something refreshing in your hand and finally relaxed after a year of hard work. Everyone will have their own lucid moments.

But all life consists, for the most part, of current moments and dim moments that we do not notice, while the mind is busy with vanity, thoughts about the past and future, thinking about various situations, etc. As a result, we don’t really live, we miss life. Of course, the question is, is it necessary to be aware of such ordinary actions as brushing your teeth? Don't know. But being more attentive to life certainly makes sense. At least I understood this for myself. Especially when we are close to our loved ones, when we say something, both pleasant and not so pleasant, when we behave somehow in certain situations. Still, life brought to the point of automatism is not life; in it you can go very far from what you originally wanted and planned. And then you look back and wow, 10 years have passed and you didn’t even notice. Moreover, for some reason you were in the wrong place and were doing the wrong thing. Well, there is such a possibility.

There is still a lot of text that could be written here, but I only wrote what seemed very important to me. I think it will be very interesting to re-read this post in a year.

My impressions and experience

This was my first experience of meditation. So that you can do this specifically. Similar things happened simply in life, for example, during a long and physical activity, or when you drive a thousand kilometers in one sitting, but this is not the same, not a retreat. By the way, a big role was played by the fact that I was not alone, but there were many of us, imperceptibly we supported each other. You see everyone sitting around without moving, and it becomes a little easier for you to continue. Overall it was a very interesting experience. In some ways it’s complex, in others it’s not. I'll try to tell you.

Even on day zero, I was overcome by doubts about why I came here and who these people were. I didn’t really want to run away, but I was haunted by the thought that I had a lot of work and things to do there, and I could just sit quietly at the computer for a week, and not go on retreat here. Somewhere until the 3rd day, I couldn’t leave the thought that I could leave. It’s good that I had a firm intention in my head to reach the end. After the equator it became easier, and on the last day I was even a little sorry that it was all over.

Surprisingly, the ascetic and uncomfortable conditions did not cause my irritation or any difficulties at all. Not comfortable, but not difficult. Perhaps the experience of hiking, when I had to sleep in a tent and eat simple food, as well as budget travel in Asia with overnight stays in hostels, prepared me for this. Some participants said that it was really very difficult for them. Still, being fed 2 times a day with very simple food and spending the night on a piece of wood are far from sanatorium conditions. Although here it should be noted that our retreat is still a light version, since usually the entire event lasts 10 days, meals are only once a day, almost no lectures and 10 hours of meditation a day. We had about 6 hours of meditation.

Probably the only thing that bothered me was the daily rain. Everything was wet, the washed clothes did not dry, but rotted, the walls of the bed were covered with white mold, my feet were constantly wet, as I walked through puddles in my slates. And yes, I wanted cookies! Well, or something sweet for tea. Stupid habit. On the first day they gave us them for lunch and I thought they would continue to give them, but on the third day it became clear that tea with banana was our everything. And because of the physical inconvenience - I was never able to get enough sleep; waking up so early was difficult. The first few days I also slept during all the breaks, then it became easier.

But the most difficult thing for me was the practice itself. I can’t imagine how you can sit for hours and watch your breathing. Anapanasati is a technique when we follow the inhalation and exhalation (we can follow the physical sensations of the passage of air), without distracting our mind to anything. This is just hell! My mind was constantly bored and wandering into thoughts. I could go into thought for about five minutes, and only after that I remembered that I was watching my breathing. I sat and waited for the gong to finally ring and I could do something else. Most of all I liked the lectures, at least some food for the mind.

As a person accustomed to the eternal online presence, I need information consumption almost around the clock. It was very difficult in this information vacuum. You can’t read, you can’t talk, there’s nothing interesting around. I remembered who was sitting where, memorized clothes, paid attention to who had what kind of pedicure and rings on their feet, the color of the leaves of the plants around, the pattern of the steps on the stairs. And lying down to think before going to bed or during a break became my favorite activity. After all, it was also undesirable to get lost in thoughts; ideally, practice all the time.

Day 5 was the toughest. There were no lectures, only meditation. And on this day, probably the only time during the entire retreat, I managed not to be distracted by thoughts for quite a long time and I fell into some kind of black something. Not for long. But the sensations are interesting. It’s as if you are looking at everything around you from the inside (or from somewhere else), practically not feeling your body, but at the same time easily controlling your breathing. It's difficult to describe. It’s a pity, they hit the gong and I instantly fell back.

If we talk about whether meditation helped, then as our teacher Ajahn Hubert said, you need to look at the results. In my case, they are that during the retreat and now, the mind has become much calmer. He fusses and fusses less. But it is clear that this is a temporary phenomenon and the effect will soon fade away. Therefore, ideally, continue to practice, at least 10 minutes a day. Again, as Ajahn Hubert said, it’s better to spend 10 non-stressful minutes throughout the year to become a habit than to meditate for an hour, but the enthusiasm will only last a couple of weeks. In general, considering that I had no expectations at all from this event, they were more than justified.

You're probably wondering: will I practice meditation? I don't know. I also don’t know if I’ll go on a retreat again. It's too early to talk about this. In general, you know, I liked the idea of ​​a conscious approach to life, when you show more care in everyday life. If I can at least implement this, then that would be great. I would also like to note that the retreat did not make me different, I remained the same. It is very unlikely that meditation for several days can change a person; rather, he can understand something for himself or see something in himself, and even that is not a fact. Well, this goes to my friends’ questions, “well, how?”, “Are you enlightened?”, “What insights have you come to?”

On the map

Just in case, I’ll add a map, although if you’re going on a retreat, you’ll be met near the Utopia Resort hotel or The Icon building. The email after registering for the retreat will contain all the necessary information.

P.S. It turned out to be a long post, but in fact I didn’t tell everything. Ask questions if you are interested in something. By the way, the fate of Russian-language retreats on Samui is still in question. Ajahn Hubert leaves for Latvia.

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The article was written in 2014 and needs updating

Sleeping on a wooden pillow, getting up at 4.30 am, not eating after 12 noon - I thought this would be the most difficult thing on the retreat. How wrong I was.

Retreat -an English word that has entered the Russian language as an international designation for a pastime devoted to spiritual practice.

There is a unique place on Samui where you can engage in spiritual practice in Russian. This place is the Deepabhavan meditation center.

I learned about retreats on Samui a long time ago, but due to negative previous experiences I put it off. In the end I decided more out of curiosity. People from Russia come here specifically for a retreat, spending a lot of money, maybe there really is something worthwhile here, I decided and went.

Retreat Schedule:

Last November, while still living in Perm, I attended a 4-day retreat. It seemed very difficult for me, I was not ready to accept the dynamic methidation that was practiced there, everything seemed wild and unacceptable to me. Because of this experience, I went to the next retreat, prepared as if for war, both morally and physically. I took with me a blanket and a pillow, and everything that could somehow be useful to me for 7 days.

Silence is practiced at the retreat, so conversations are not encouraged, phones and other devices are handed over to the organizers, and books are left at home. Neither reading, nor writing, nor chatting is recommended.

Upon arrival, everyone is given a mosquito net, a bottle of water and a blanket. In the women's dormitory there is a bed on which you will sleep for the next 7 nights:

The toilets are nice and clean, but upon entering I was stopped by the following sign:

Free translation: take the hose with water in your right hand and wash your... bottom with your left. Then wash your hands, you will feel clean and fresh.

Don't be ashamed to wipe your face with your hand. What comes out of your body is not dirty. It's just food you ate. Remember its pleasant taste, how well the chefs prepared and decorated it. Now food comes out changed because everything in our world is constantly changing. And you can save 1-2 trees.

Fortunately, toilet paper is sold in the center without restrictions, so you don’t have to learn to poop the Indian way *good*

We talked with the girls after 17.00, closer to the announcement of the hour of silence. The girls are very interesting. One from Dusseldorf. Born in Russia, at the age of 6 she moved to Germany with her family. He speaks Russian well. Her parents are Jehovah's Witnesses. When at the age of 18 she wanted to leave this society, they abandoned her and have not spoken to her for 3 years. She lives separately.

At 19.00 silence was declared.

I tried my best to sleep on a wooden pillow, but finally gave up and took out my own. I slept restlessly. Despite the mosquito net, it always seemed like someone was biting me, someone was crawling... but there was no one. I woke up often. At 4:30 I got up easily.

Meditation immediately separates monks from mere mortals. Usually those who are late try not to make noise, to advance more quietly, but no, no, the floor will creak, joints will click, clothes will rustle. The monk enters the hall silently, like a ninja or a ghost. If you close your eyes, you will never understand that a monk has appeared nearby.

Animals live their lives here. Yoga. We lie relaxed. Got all thoughts out of my head. Let's breathe. Inhale-exhale...

And then a cat flies into the hall with wild eyes, his back arched ferociously, he gallops, knocking his paws on the wooden floor, until he is carried out into the street.

The dog behind the kitchen barks loudly at strangers. They don’t even know about the rule of silence.

The lectures are structured around the 4 truths of Buddhism:

1. The Truth About Suffering

2. The truth about the cause of suffering

3. The Truth about the End of Suffering

4. The Truth about the Path to Ending Suffering

On the second night I slept well. The truth is frozen. I don’t understand why during the day I can easily fall asleep on a wooden pillow, but at night I can only fall asleep on a soft one.

Meditation is much easier than on the first day. Now the technique was explained to us, it became clear that we need to not just sit, but work mentally. What to concentrate your attention on, what to follow, what technique to use if it is difficult to maintain attention on breathing, and most importantly, why is this necessary, what are we striving for, why do we need peace of mind.

During the evening meditation on the second day, I reached that pleasant state that Tan Hubert spoke about.

On the second day, 2 girls left, they left unnoticed, only I saw that there were 2 empty seats at the meditation.

Day three

Today we were told about three characteristics of life:

1. Impermanence - everything changes

2. Imperfection/incompleteness - nothing is perfect or complete, complete happiness cannot be achieved.

3. Impersonality - nothing belongs to us, neither a car, nor a body, nor a heart, nor a mind (for example, we cannot force our body not to age). The body belongs to us even less than the car. We choose the car, but not the body. Everything is given to us for temporary use. After this lecture, the question arose: what am I?

Tan Hubert tells a very interesting story. University teachers could learn from him. He explains such complex philosophical topics using everyday examples and always with humor, so that you look forward to each of his lectures.

Interestingly, almost all retreat participants are under 30 years old. Only 1 woman and a few older men.

Regarding organizational issues. Everything is well organized and would work great if everyone involved followed the rules. For lunch, a limited amount of bread and fruit is given, but some people think that they need it more and take 2-3 pieces of bread. As a result, half of the participants do not have enough bread. Why take five pieces of watermelon if there are 30 people in line behind you, and the watermelon is not endless? At the same time, before each meal, everyone recites the mantra that

« D CONCERNED, FOCUSED
I EAT FOOD.
NOT FOR FUN, NOT FOR INJUNCTION.
NOT FOR WEIGHT GAIN, NOT FOR BEAUTIFULMENT.
ONLY FOR THE MAINTENANCE AND NUTRITION OF THIS BODY.
IN ORDER TO KEEP IT SAFE AND HEALTHY,
AND HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY OF SPIRITUAL DEVELOPMENT.
SO I WILL DESTROY THE OLD PAINFUL FEELING OF HUNGER.
AND I WILL NOT PRODUCE NEW
AN UNPLEASANT FEELING OF SATIE.
SO MY LIFE GOES SMOOTHLY,
EASY, PEACEFUL AND FLAWLESS «

This is some kind of hypocrisy. The organizers constantly draw attention to this, but someone, apparently, is deaf.

In general, if I were the organizer of the retreat, I would introduce stricter rules, the rules of football: take too much bread - get a yellow card, don’t come to meditation without a good reason - you can be free from the retreat. Punishments would also be issued for chattering, not returning the phone, etc.

Probably, it is precisely this position that distances me from the Buddhist perception of life... I also need to train my loving kindness.

Buddhism looks quite attractive. Much closer and clearer than Christianity or other religions. In Buddhism there is no blind faith, gods, commandments, sins or taboos. Everyone chooses their own path and level of permissibility of actions. Is it possible to kill a mosquito, or a dog, or a person? Everyone decides for themselves.

Unskillful actions: rudeness, murder, harden a person’s heart, which means they return him to the path of suffering.

I wonder what a truly Buddhist state would be like? After all, if everyone chooses their own path, then there should be no prisons or fines in the state, because they contradict the path of non-violence.

If one decides that he is allowed to kill people, then how true Buddhists must the relatives of the murdered person be in order to forgive and understand the murderer, and not crave revenge and punishment?

Thus, real Buddhism has no future on a national scale.

Today we had the opportunity to communicate with the curators. From them I learned that it is not at all necessary to meditate in the lotus position with a straight back; if it is uncomfortable, you can even sit on a chair. I built myself a meditation nest.

Tomorrow the whole day will be devoted to meditation. There will be no lectures by Tan Hubert, my favorite part of the day. Let's see if I make some progress or go crazy with boredom.

The fifth day, of course, knocked me down. Everything seemed to be going well, but the evening meditation was unbearable. Darkness. The clock is not visible. And 1.5 hours seem endless. Irritation, fatigue and a desire for everything to end as soon as possible appear.

Of course, the usual routine is much simpler: as soon as you start to get tired of meditation, when it’s over, activities change, and time flies quickly. But not today.

In general, after parting with my mobile phone and the Internet, I realized how much time there is in a day. And before it seemed so little. It’s interesting that I’m not at all drawn to the phone or the Internet, I don’t miss them.

On the sixth day there was a particularly delicious lunch. It’s surprising that despite the fact that the food here is vegetarian and the last meal is at 11.30 in the morning, you don’t feel like eating until lights out. I thought that diet would be the main difficulty here, but there are no problems at all. I don’t understand why some people can’t stand the retreat and leave. The conditions are quite resort-like: eat, sleep, meditate a little, and in between there are interesting lectures about the teachings of the Buddha. Of course, with the exception of the fifth day, it is for true meditation fans.

They decided to make the last day of the retreat unusual. After lunch we went to the Dhamma Drums Garden. This is a very interesting place on the top of a mountain, far from civilization, in the forest there are drums on which we meditated. The aura there is almost magical, and if you leave the forest, you will see a stunning panorama of the island and the sea.

Results: After the retreat, I can say that these were some of the most useful days of my life. Of course, I haven’t changed much, but I’m sure that my mind has received the necessary portion of useful information, silence, self-understanding, and my path will be a little more correct than what it could have been without the retreat.

When I arrived home, Lev said that I even spoke differently. But I returned to my normal routine quite quickly, not even half a day had passed 😀.

The retreat is useful in many ways. You begin to look at the usual aspects of life differently; after returning home, you begin to appreciate the sea, which you almost didn’t go to for 8 months, fruits, the sun and your way of life. When you live on Koh Samui, over time they become commonplace and go unnoticed. But in vain.

At the retreat I met interesting people and even lost 3 kg. So no matter where you look, it is useful in every way :)

For me, the retreat seemed easy. Apparently, due to the fact that I was preparing for unrealistic difficulties. But don’t delude yourself, the vast majority said that it was very difficult for them not to talk to anyone, sleep on a wooden bed, sit in meditation, and wash under cold water. Several people couldn’t even stand it and left.1

I don’t know when, but I will definitely go on retreat again. When I get tired of the noise of bikes and Thais, when I want to plunge into myself again or just need to lose a little weight, but I will definitely return to the retreat! 🙂

If you need to find accommodation while waiting for a retreat, it is more convenient to stay at The Icon Hotel or Utopia Resort. It is from them that a free transfer to the meditation center is organized.

Retreats in Russian are no longer held on Koh Samui. Ajahn Hubert left monasticism and left Thailand. Now he conducts retreats in the Russian Federation and nearby countries. You can find out about them on his page at

For 7 years now, I have known that there is a retreat on Samui, where we spend the winter. Many of my friends visited it and many highly recommended it, but I did not dare to go there, and there was simply no need.

So what is the need, and what is a retreat, you ask.

The last year was one of the most difficult in my life, it took all my energy and I began to lose myself.

Upon arrival this year for the next winter, the decision to “go” came to me on its own. Dima and Nastya, our old Samui friends, came to visit us and were stunned by the news that they were now working as volunteers at this retreat center. One conversation, a couple of arguments and I already ran to leave a request on the site.

I had a picture in my head of what a retreat was: a bunch of people gather, go to the mountains and remain silent for 7 days, digging into themselves, sweeping the jungle, but everything turned out to be exactly the opposite, but let’s take it in order.

The long-awaited day X came. Having filled the refrigerator to capacity, and tightly hugging my wife and son, I got on the bike and rushed off.

The first day was the day of registration, which began at 12 and ended at 16. At registration, everyone was interviewed by volunteers and a Buddhist monk, the spiritual mentor of our group. They asked why we are here and what we expect from the retreat, gave instructions and assigned you the type of work that you will do during this week. Since I was almost the last one to arrive, I got to clean the toilets))) Karma is like that)

I was ready for the maximum asceticism of the place, I was ready to sleep in the jungle on a mat with a wooden pillow, but for some it was a shock and after the first night one retreat participant had already gone home.

In the evening they announced the start, the week-long silence came into force and I fell into a sweet sleep, dispersing the huge lizards over my bed, tucking a mask net under a thin mat and fluffing up a wooden pillow. You sleep well in the jungle, for me the sounds of nature are close, but for many it may seem like you are sleeping in some kind of sawmill. Cicadas, frogs, birds and other unseen creatures simply create a symphony of strange sounds.

4:30 a.m. wake up. A very loud gong right above your head simply stuns you and makes you immediately jump out of bed. You have 30 minutes to get yourself in order, brush your teeth and go to the place of morning meditation. You really don’t want to take a shower, because most likely the water comes straight from a waterfall that is noisy nearby, and the temperature of which I know first-hand.

At 5 am in the meditation hall, we dismantled the mats, sat on the floor and began to tell us what meditation is and generally introduce us to the matter. This is where dissonance began for me. I thought that I was going to a place where I would think and dig into myself for days on end, I would work through some thoughts and put them in alphabetical order.

But the purpose of meditation is not to think,

do not chew the cud of thoughts, but concentrate and live the only and exclusive moment of the present. And this turned out to be an almost impossible task for me, and not only for me. There were two types of practice: sitting and walking. In the first one we tried to concentrate on breathing, in the second we tried to concentrate on the steps.

In words, everything is simple, just exhale and inhale, take a step or two. But when it comes, your brain simply bombards your head with all sorts of thoughts: past, present, future, 10 seconds pass and you no longer remember steps or breathing. After 5 days, when you have already learned to brush aside thoughts, it dawns on you that most of the time we live either with thoughts about the past or thoughts about the future, which are not always pleasant and positive, but we don’t live in the present, we have an almost atrophied feeling here and Now. At the very beginning of the retreat, our tool of escape from reality was taken away from us, a tool that for most of us is a lifeline from the ideal world of likes and reposts.

Meditation lasts 30 minutes. Thank God, one of our friends last year told us how to sit correctly in order to unload the spine, and only thanks to this, sitting meditations did not cause me back pain and nothing went numb. In 30 minutes, your brain was simply exhausted... It throws thoughts at your fan, but you cannot turn it on.

We had breaks and free time. Almost everyone sleeps during these breaks; the brain simply turns off from overload and falls asleep. You no longer care what temperature the water is in the shower or how soft your pillow is.

I’ve never done yoga, but warming up at dawn was very invigorating and energizing.

We ate fully only 2 times a day, plus there was an afternoon snack with tea and bananas. I was sure that I would go hungry. Breakfast and lunch, and even without meat, is too little for a man, I thought. But the first day made me understand that this is exactly as much as the body needs. I started feeling hungry an hour before breakfast, exactly after yoga. The food was tasty and plentiful, there was enough food for everyone, you could take extra. The only thing that didn’t work was the Thai dessert, pumpkin in some kind of condensed milk diluted with water.

Have you ever thought about giving up and leaving? Probably all beginners have them. But they end on days 3, 4, 5 of meditation. You begin to understand what's what, you understand how your brain works, you understand what things make you unhappy, but in fact these are just games of your mind, and the randomizer that decides whether to smile or be sad can be controlled. When you have learned to throw thoughts out of your head and for the first time have felt a pure state here and now, calmness and tranquility sets in. And in the middle of the retreat, the 3rd practice already appears - Metta, which fills you with kindness and love. It was after it that I felt like myself again. The smile returned to my face. I got back what I lost, I got back my sense of self.

There is no price for the retreat, there is a donation system. You yourself determine how much what you receive is worth...

Only the laziest of my virtual (and not only virtual) acquaintances did not visit this meditation center (at the end of the article I will provide some links to reports). My turn has come. Moreover, recently Russian-language retreats have been held at Dipabhāvan (link to the official website of the center).

First, about what a retreat is:

Retreat, also Retreat (English retreat - “solitude”, “removal from society”, Russian lit. “shutter”)- an English word that has entered the Russian language as an international designation for a pastime devoted to spiritual practice. Retreats can be solitary or collective; In collective meetings, meditation practice is most often taught.

So, on the island of Koh Samui in the Lamai mountains they conduct Buddhist retreats. The name "Dipabhāvan" translated from Pali means the place of development of light. "Light" is the light of the Dhamma. Dhamma or Darma is the teaching of the Buddha aimed at soothing the troubled mind.

It’s not that my mind was too restless, but when I signed up for the retreat (while I was still there), I pursued the goal of being alone, to deal with what was happening inside me. The fact is that after I started practicing meditation on my own, very unusual things began to happen to me. For example, I began to see my past lives and also communicate with my spirit guide. I began to practice channeling (communication with spirits, collective beings of light, God). About these metamorphoses in my perception of reality.

I realized that God is not a being separate from me. That God is all that ever was, is, and ever will be. That I am not the body. And I'm not smart. The body and mind are tools that I can use to have a physical experience to know Who I Am. This is what God does (along with all of us) - he learns through experience Who He Is. I don't have to improve or do anything specific to earn God's love. He and I are already love (unconditional, pure love), we are just now experiencing it in practice. 🙂

The essence of the retreat and a little about the schedule

I’ll tell you a little about what the essence of the retreat is. If I’m not mistaken, there were about 50 people at the retreat, with girls twice as many as men. The retreat takes place over 7 days - I arrived on April 29th in the afternoon and left on May 7th in the morning. On the evening of the arrival day, all participants take a vow of silence (as well as some other vows). For the entire week it is forbidden to talk to anyone, you cannot even exchange notes. You cannot read, write, listen to music - i.e. it is necessary to completely limit the flow of information from the outside world.

Before you begin, you need to deposit all valuables, especially your mobile phone (it is strictly prohibited to use it). Everyone chose a simple task to do after breakfast for 15-20 minutes, maintaining full awareness. I chose to clean the women's restrooms, but in fact two other girls cleaned them, and I had to become the manager of garbage, sweeping and washing the floors at the entrance to the showers and toilets. 🙂 The work is not dusty, but I often lost my awareness. Mainly because I decided to fast for 7 days and the local water made me sick...

The center collects rainwater, purifies it and uses it for domestic needs - drinking, cooking, bathing. There is no hot water in the shower, just like there is no shower. Just a container with cold water and ladles - you collect water and water it. Actually, it's cool. I'm now a fan of cold pours.

But for some reason I couldn’t drink rainwater (quite warm). I am a supporter of water fasting, but it turned out that I was dry fasting. I felt terribly sick, my heart was pounding. I drink water - my heart feels better, but I feel even more nauseous. But still, I understood that I would not have such an opportunity to fast in nature (the center is in the mountains, the air is very pleasant) without talking in such an energetically pleasant place. One-day fasting can be practiced anywhere, but long-term fasting is better in nature. I had my last long fast (2 weeks) and it was unforgettable - I was flying! I wanted to fly here too, but no - the water let me down. More precisely, sometimes while everyone was at breakfast or lunch, I would go down to the showers and “fly” on a broom. 🙂

Yes, other participants were fed. Breakfast at 7:30 and lunch at 11:30. Before the race, everyone made a vow not to eat after noon, only at 17-30 you could drink tea. The girls said that the food was very tasty. Those who love Thai food especially enjoyed it. The food is vegetarian, but with eggs. I hope that soon Dipabhāvan will resolve the issue with raw foodists and vegans and provide more fruits and vegetables. Now, as I understand, they don’t give much fruit...

There is no need for a watch at the retreat; the ringing of a gong helps you navigate:

IN 4-30 am he rings for the first time - which means it’s time to get up, wash, brush your teeth and go up to the meditation hall. It rings loudly and for a long time, so it’s almost impossible to sleep through. At 5 am there is a short lecture, then sitting meditation (anapanasati), yoga and again sitting meditation. Until 7-30. Yoga was led by an amazing presenter - Roman. I didn’t do yoga, it was quite difficult, especially on the 5th day of fasting, when I felt especially graceful and constant vomiting, but my restless mind entertained me by imagining that my beloved Hercule Poirot was doing yoga next to me and grumbling that with Such asanas are incompatible with his belly. Then I found another form of entertainment - I imagined what a cool series of photographs would turn out a la “What the world looks like when you hang for a few seconds in one or another asana.” Maybe even someone will do this? 🙂

Breakfast at 7:30, then work after breakfast and personal time - you can do laundry, lie down. I was knitting at this time. I chose the simplest crochet pattern to meditate while knitting. A ginger cat came to me, lay down at my feet and watched how the thread twitched from the ball. Such an idyll. 🙂

IN 9-15 am the gong rings a second time - this means you need to go to the meditation hall. And then the most interesting thing began - the lectures of Thane Hubert (monk). It was something. He himself comes from Poland, lived in Russia for several years, then came to Thailand and became a monk. A very charismatic, smart and funny person. Listening to him is a pleasure. I liked it so much that after his lecture I only had to sit for 5 minutes to meditate. 🙂

And then something interesting began too - half an hour of walking meditation. How I love to walk, to feel the earth, floor, sand under my bare feet... I had to concentrate on every step. It's such a thrill! Not like the sitting meditation that came after. :)))

At 11-30 - lunch. After lunch you can rest until 14-00. Tan Hubert said that it is better to sleep at this time in order to save energy for the evening. It was a little hot to sleep, I knitted a little, but then I still fell asleep.

IN 13-45 days the gong rings for the third time and that means... yes, yes, it's time to go to the meditation hall. And again interesting - another lecture by Thane Hubert. Then 3 times half an hour of meditation. And again, the recitation of Buddhist sutras and “loving-kindness” meditation are interesting.

Reciting sutras is almost chanting, but not quite. I perceived it as something ancient, shamanic and inspiring. We paid homage to the Buddha and studied monastic vows, kama (karma), and dhamma. The whole thing was carried out by Thane Kirril - he recently became a monk. This was an opportunity to break the vow of silence for a while and recit. I liked it very much!

The loving-kindness meditation was led by Roman (who taught yoga). I modified it a little to suit myself. I believe that wishing your loved ones happiness and kindness with the words: yes will your mind is calm, yeah you will you are happy... this is a little different. It is better to meditate on the fact that loved ones already happy and already calm. And accordingly, present them like that. When it came to introducing your enemies or the person who caused you the most problems, I was at a loss. I have no enemies or anyone against whom I still harbor a grudge. And it was myself who caused the most problems. So I imagined myself as a little confused girl and played with myself. 🙂

At 17-30 evening tea and until 19-30 personal time. I usually dozed off.

IN 19-15 pm the big gong rings for the last time of the day. After the sitting meditation, something began that made me absolutely delighted - group walking meditation. Just imagine - it’s dark (it gets dark early in Thailand), only one candle is burning in the huge hall. We walk in circles, like witches at some gathering. In this case, you need to be aware, repeat the movements of the person in front and concentrate only on walking. We also practiced this meditation outside in a special clearing near the Buddha statue:

Lights out at 21:30. I slept quite well, my dreams were lucid (I have been practicing lucid dreams and stalking for a long time), I even dreamed of several tasks for the application I am currently working on. This is a program for iPhone and iPad with exercises for awareness and fulfillment of desires. It will be called “365 ways to catch inspiration, or How to shake yourself up and feel the joy of life.” Those. that will be a whopping 365 mindfulness exercises! I hope that in the summer it will be ready. The idea of ​​making an application and the fact that I went to the retreat are not related to each other, but I am glad that I came to Dipabhāvan just during this period, it helped and inspired me a lot.

Well, now about how the retreat went for me.

Beginning of the retreat and first experience of Buddhist meditation

When I went to the retreat, I was full of inspiration. Well, I think I’m experienced in matters of meditation, so I’ll meditate like crazy! All the monks will then say to the new participants: we had a girl who meditated so well... Maybe they’ll even hang me on the honor board. Or even be included in the Guinness Book of Records. 🙂 My mind is like entertainment for me, so if you come across similar thoughts, don’t be surprised.

Yeah, that was not the case! I am used to meditating while lying on the bed, concentrating on some chakra, imagining that I am breathing it. And during the retreat you need to meditate, focusing on breathing, sitting on a wooden floor with a perfectly straight back and without changing your position for a whole half hour! I, accustomed to working at a computer and tablet (in a crouched state) and long walks (as you remember, Dimka and I love to walk) could not sit still for 20 minutes! But I’ll tell you more about this below.

In the Participant Registration Book, in the profession column, I wrote: sorceress. And with a feeling of delight I went to the general women’s building, where for 7 days I had to live, sleep on a wooden bed without a mattress and on a wooden (!) pillow:

But this did not frighten me at all. I read that many people even liked it. And I liked it.

Then we were given a tour of the territory, taught the basics of meditation, took a vow of silence from us and sent us to bed. The first day (we will consider arrival day zero) everything was interesting to me, everything was new. I began to learn walking meditation with interest. I go on my way, but the thoughts in my head continue to entertain me as always. And then something seemed to bite me on the leg. Hurt. And we took a vow of non-violence, you can’t even kill mosquitoes! It turned out that it was a scorpion. We were warned that it was not life-threatening, so I thanked him and promised myself to be more aware. All meditations last half an hour, but walking meditation was like five minutes for me, while sitting meditation took 3 hours. 🙂

On the second day, I came to the conclusion that meditating after yoga is cool. You can sit for an hour. On the third day it seemed to me that there were not 24 hours in a day, but at least 100 hours! Previously, I always thought that time flies too quickly, it turns out that I simply filled myself with information (the Internet, books, Instagram, etc.) - so I did not have time to live. On the 4th day it became difficult - after all, 4 days without water took their toll, I began to pound, shake and feel sick. I missed one evening meditation.

On day 5, I walk up the steps in the morning (from the women’s building there are quite a few high steps to the meditation hall), my heart is pounding, I feel like I’m going to fall. I tell the body:

- Why are you? You and I are strong...

And it answered me:

- Yeah, who polluted me?

The mind laughs, it just laughs:

- Damn, you and I have such a smart body, it's an infection! And there’s nothing to say in response! I can't help you, my dear. Let's write some poems, shall we?

I laugh with them for company, the merrier in my head does not allow me to lose heart under any circumstances. I walk up the steps and write poems to myself, something like this:

— This retreat invigorates me!

— This retreat makes me slim!

Well, everything like that. 🙂

Then the poems stopped helping, so I had to skip the pre-lunch meditation and lie in bed. I drink water - it gets even worse, it’s warm and disgusting. I’m lying there thinking whether to drink or not, whether to go to the next meditation or not. And then a girl comes up to me (as it turned out, her name is Natasha, I called her red-haired sun), gives me some kind of cream and gestures, like, maybe this will help you? It was so touching! It’s not that they gave me a warming cream, but that they take care of me... Ahhhh!

The girl left, I got up and started knitting (otherwise I was dying!), sending her rays of kindness. Then I lay down, thinking about why I have such a difficult relationship with rainwater... And then, bam, it started to rain! Soon the gong rang and I went to meditate and climbed the steps with ease. Many people took umbrellas or raincoats, but I didn’t take anything, I love walking in the rain.

Near the hall where the meditations take place, I decided to stand up and catch my breath. I lifted my head up and began to watch raindrops falling on my face through the foliage of a huge tree... And this process fascinated me so much that I stood there for several minutes, not noticing anything around - neither the fact that everyone had long gone inside, nor that that meditation began a long time ago, nor who I am or where I am at all! It was as if I had become this rain. And I realized that indeed, we are all cut from the same cloth. And me, and the rain, and the tree, and the earth, and people, and the sky. We are all one! I knew this before, but here I immediately plunged into it, felt it to the depths of my soul.

They say Buddha achieved enlightenment under a tree. And I reached the end of my wait under the tree! I made friends with the rain. After that, I began to drink rainwater in the center with pleasure and it became much, much easier for me!

Then I woke up and went into the hall. She sat down directly on the wooden floor and began to meditate. And I achieved what Tan Hubert spoke about - a feeling of delight. I laughed and cried at the same time! God, how simple it is - we are all one... we are all love. I sat without moving and being in the moment, enjoying this moment. I open my eyes (the gong has been gone for a long time, they take me out of meditation with a small gong - a singing bowl): damn, I sat for an hour and a half! I wasn’t at the pre-lunch meditation and didn’t know that there would be no gong this time, and when to stop sitting meditation and start walking is all at the discretion of the participants. Simply amazing!

I suddenly began to admire the beauty of my body. I look at my toes - damn beautiful. I look at my hands - beautiful... In fact... Previously, I somehow didn’t particularly like my body and considered myself a little better than ugly (white hair, white skin - brrr). And then I clearly realized that every person is beautiful. There are no ugly ones.

On the 6th day in the evening we gathered in the study hall, but we sat not as usual (boys on the left, girls on the right), but in a circle. Everyone came to the microphone and spoke for 5 minutes about what this retreat was like for them. It was so interesting and great!

On the morning of day 7, we meditated a little, then packed our things, made donations (the center exists only through voluntary donations, the amount is at the discretion of the participants) and went home. We exchanged contacts with each other and some life experiences. There wasn't much time to talk, but the feelings were indescribable.

Overall, this was one of the most powerful experiences of my life. I am grateful to the organizers (they work on a voluntary basis, without payment) and the monks. I learned so many interesting things from them about Thailand, Buddhism... I can write about this for a long time, but it’s time to wrap it up. If you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask.

Our group (I'm in an orange skirt, white T-shirt, if anyone hasn't seen me):

Thanks for the photos to the guys with whom we were at the retreat, I also took some photos