How to get rid of the aggressive stalking of a former lover. A question for a system-vector psychologist

Make it clear that this person is not interesting to you and that you cannot have any relationship. In addition, in a confident and firm voice, tell him not to call or chase you. If you have a young man, let him talk to him, perhaps seeing a strong man, he will get scared and leave you alone.

Avoid any contact with the stalker

Change your phone number and email, tell everyone you know not to tell anyone about you. Refuse to use social networks, or restrict access to them. If you are renting an apartment, change your place of residence. Change the route to work, go to another store, use other establishments. Try to knock him off the trail so that he will lose you. It is advisable to do this quickly and discreetly so that he does not have time to react and track you down again.

Try not to contact him. Do not answer calls, throw away gifts, envelopes and parcels that he sends. If you see on the street, go to the other side or come back. Do not give in to provocations, do not answer and do not enter into a discussion. Feeling a response from you, he can intensify his efforts.

Record what is happening and collect evidence. Store them not at home, but in a safe deposit box. Leave all the information that you know about him there. When there is enough evidence against the stalker, contact the police to influence him. Tell your friends and family about the cell so that if you suddenly disappear, they can use it.

Protect yourself and your loved ones

Install a security guard, strong doors and locks, bars on the windows in the house. When choosing an apartment, give preference to the middle floors. As a last resort, live with friends the persecutor doesn't know about.

Wear comfortable shoes and clothing so you can escape if necessary. Stay away from the pursuer, avoid dark alleys, walk in crowded places. Ask the men to greet you after work. Always carry your phone with you, and enter emergency numbers on it.

Think about how to act in a critical situation. Imagine different scenarios, and come up with a plan for each. Prepare all the necessary things, collect documents in one place. Find where you can hide in case of a threat to life, leave money and food there. Tell about it only to the closest people you trust.

Learn to self-defense, carry with you self-defense equipment, such as pepper spray. Get a large dog to guard you on walks and the house when you are away. Train in running to be able to escape from the pursuer.

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Persecution delusions are mental dysfunctions that can also be referred to as persecution delusions. Psychiatrists attribute this disorder to the fundamental signs of mental insanity. Psychiatry understands mania as a disorder of the psyche caused by psychomotor agitation. Often it may be accompanied by paranoia or delusional states. Psychology considers any mania as a pathological insanity on a separate phenomenon or a specific subject.

Persecution mania, what is it? In this state, the individual is constantly haunted by obsessive thoughts about the object of attraction. An individual suffering from a persecution mania is convinced that there is a threat, he is sure that someone is following or following him. The danger of the described condition lies in the rapid deterioration of the body due to the lack of rest and rest due to obsessive thoughts. In addition, in a particularly severe course of the described disorder, people can pose a danger to the environment and to themselves. Therefore, the question: "how to get rid of the persecution mania" is quite relevant to this day.

Causes of persecution mania

The ailment in question is a rather complex psychological condition that has not been fully studied to this day. However, modern scientists were still able to identify a number of factors that provoke the onset of this mental disorder. These include: excessive external, position (complex) of the victim, learned helplessness, defensive position of the individual.

People with an excessively high external locus of control are more susceptible to the formation of the described pathology than people with a predominant internal locus of control. Individuals who believe that everything in their life is controlled by forces from outside (for example, fate, circumstances, other people) is dominated by the external locus of control, respectively, in subjects who consider themselves responsible for success and failure in life - the internal locus of control.

The victim complex develops in people when they are constantly offended and destroyed for a long time. Such a complex gradually develops into stable behavior and becomes a means of avoiding independent decisions. The greatest fear of such people is the fear of doing the wrong thing, making the wrong decision. People with this complex tend to blame other subjects for their own misfortunes, thereby removing the blame from themselves.

Learned helplessness usually accompanies the victim complex, although it is expressed in a slightly different way. People with this type of behavior always feel their own helplessness, powerlessness. They have a victim worldview, therefore, they consider exclusively external factors as a source of personal problems. In addition, such individuals feel that they are not able to change anything or stop what is happening.

A person taking a defensive position is always ready for self-defense at the slightest threat to his own person. Such individuals can perceive even the most innocuous remark in their direction as a personal offense. They constantly feel that they are being unfairly persecuted. This forces people with this behavior to take a firm defensive position.

Many researchers suggest that the onset of persecution mania is due to a certain constitution of the central nervous system. Also of great importance is the parental upbringing of the baby, transferred by the child at an early age. psychological trauma... The listed factors in a certain period, coupled with a stressful state, create fertile soil for the occurrence of the disorder in question. However, these assumptions of scientists have not yet been fully confirmed.

In psychiatry, a hypothesis has become widespread, which consists in the assumption that mania is one of the signs of brain dysfunction. Pavlov was the first to argue this point of view, arguing that the pathological focus of excitation, localized in the brain and causing a violation of conditioned reflex activity, is the anatomical and physiological cause of the disease in question.

People with drug abuse, alcohol consumption, treatment with certain drugs, Alzheimer's disease, atherosclerosis may experience short-term attacks of persecution.

Symptoms of persecution mania

Each human subject perceives reality through the prism of his own individuality. Due to various mental ailments, some individuals may lose an adequate perception of reality. Disorders of mental processes can cause the emergence of various phobias and manias, for example, often the persecution mania goes "hand in hand."

In medicine, it is customary to call the described ailment by the term "delirium of persecution." Delirium is a dysfunction of mental activity, due to which erroneous ideas arise that completely take over the consciousness of the individual. Such violations are not subject to external correction. In other words, it is impossible for a sick person to explain the inadequacy of his perception of reality. The ideas of people suffering from persecution delusions are based on false messages, which in medicine are called "crooked logic."

Persecution mania can be an independent symptom or be a manifestation of another pathology.

The state of persecution delusion is characterized by a number of specific differences:

Adaptation disorder (the patient cannot function normally and live in society);

Inability to correct from the outside;

Is a violation, not a product of human imagination;

There is the invention of various facts about reality.

What is the name of the persecution mania, in a word? In essence, the described ailment is one that completely captures human consciousness. Under the influence of a delusional state, a person may refuse to do habitual actions, for example, refuse food, believing that it is poisoned. Sick people may be afraid to cross the road, thinking that they want to run over. It seems to people suffering from persecution mania that dangers lie in wait for them at every step, that the bandits are just waiting for a chance to harm or even kill them. They cannot be dissuaded from their beliefs. Therefore, doctors, answering the question: "how to behave with a patient with persecution mania," advise, when the slightest signs appear that allow one to suspect that a loved one has schizophrenia persecution mania, immediately take such a person to a psychiatrist.

In the course of the development of the described pathology, the delusional state takes on various forms. Patients may be afraid of a particular aspect of life. Some sufferers of persecution mania can clearly determine the date of the onset of persecution, the results of sabotage, which indicates a high level of systematization of delirium.

The delusional state develops gradually, as the "source" of the threat develops, it can change. At first, the patient may only be afraid of his spouse, considering him to be the main villain, then prejudice may appear against neighbors or other people from his environment. In the sick imagination of a man in a state of delirium, more and more people become participants in a conspiracy against him. Over time, thinking becomes very detailed, patients describe with detailed accuracy imaginary attempts. The descriptions themselves are destructured, they can pay equal attention to secondary points and important facts.

In the future, changes in human personality are observed. Sick people become tense, aggressive, alert. They do things that were previously unusual for them, reluctantly answer questions about the reasons and purpose of such behavior.

How to deal with someone with persecution mania? In the first turn, you do not need to try to convince him. It is necessary to understand that the patient is not able to realize the true state of affairs. In such a situation, the only correct solution is to consult a psychiatrist.

Treatment of persecution mania

To answer the question: “how to get rid of the persecution mania?”, You first need to make an accurate diagnosis.

It is possible to diagnose persecution mania after a thorough study of the clinical picture of the disease and the patient's history, conversations with the patient's relatives for the most accurate description of the manifestations, identifying the presence of addictions (especially alcohol dependence) and cerebrovascular diseases, excluding or confirming the presence of other mental pathologies, conducting electroencephalography, computed tomography of the brain, x-ray studies.

How to treat persecution mania?

Treatment of the described pathology is usually carried out in a hospital setting. It includes drug therapy: tranquilizers, sedatives, psychotropic drugs,) in a particularly severe course - electroshock therapy. All family members are involved in family therapy.

For a favorable outcome, the systematic administration of medications is important, otherwise the disease may have relapses.

In addition, it should be borne in mind that most often the pathology in question is provoked by certain factors that must be eliminated before starting therapy.

In the case of a particularly severe course, if there is a threat of harm to others or to oneself, the patient is referred for treatment to a specialized institution. Often, the disease takes on a relapsing course.

With successful drug therapy, the patient is prescribed rehabilitation procedures.

Many are interested in how to treat persecution mania with folk remedies... Unfortunately, ethnoscience powerless in the relapse stage. During periods of remission and for prophylactic purposes, you can take, after consulting your doctor, various sedative decoctions, infusions and teas.

Physician of the Medical and Psychological Center "PsychoMed"

Reader question:

Is it possible to get rid of the harassment of a former lover? The Lord does not deliver. As a punishment? But then I will die. And how to quit smoking? I have enough for one day, and then so badly from the consciousness of my powerlessness, worthlessness and isolation from God.

Archpriest Andrei Efanov answers:

Hello! It is not entirely clear from your question, but what exactly is the question. If he pursues and threatens you, be sure to tell your friends and relatives about it. If there is someone from your own men or good acquaintances who can talk to that person and tell him harshly and firmly to get behind, you should definitely do it. If it doesn't help or doesn't, then tell your friend that if he threatens you, you contact the police. And do so. Because if we are talking about real persecution, then this is punishable.

If it is about the fact that he insists on continuing a relationship that implies a relationship that is unacceptable for a Christian before marriage, and you cannot resolutely stop it, then the conversation is about something completely different. First of all, you need to sincerely repent of what happened. And try to return to the past with your thoughts, but, relying on God and leading the church life, go forward. Work, develop in your profession, take care of health, sports - this will give you confidence. And don't look back. We can talk about such a psychological problem as addiction. Perhaps you should work with her with an experienced psychologist.

But most importantly, remember that the Lord knows you and is ready to help you. The sacraments of the Church, all this grace is for you, do not give up on it, draw on and acquire new meanings of life. It is imperative that you begin to pray regularly and lead the church life. In a person he draws strength to cope with what is happening in life.

As for smoking, it is better to decide once and for all and go towards this goal.Yes, most likely it will not work the first time, but the main thing is not to give up. It may be helpful to talk to those who have been able to quit and consult a doctor. Maybe first smoke two-thirds of what you smoked a day, then half, then a quarter ... Find, for sure, somewhere there are tables on how to gradually reduce the smoking rate to bring it to zero. Then, there must be something replacing cigarettes: pills, lozenges, probably some kind of diet and sports. You need to read websites on this topic, talk to people, a doctor, enlist someone's support, celebrate your achievements and share them. And do not forget to ask God for help - what is impossible for man is possible for God.

Interview with Archpriest Pavel Velikanov - – in it he talks about such important things as the fear of being alone and the fear of God.

Am I the worst? Where is the line between humility and self-criticism. Conversation with .

God bless you!

An archive of all questions can be found. If you have not found a question that interests you, you can always ask it

According to the Sisters Sexual Abuse Survivor Center, stalking or stalking is compulsive behavior in the form of repeated unwanted calls, messages or other signs of attention, as well as harassment. Oftentimes, victimization creates fear and a constant sense of danger in victims.

Similarly, prosecution is defined in the laws of many countries where it is criminalized, such as the United States, Canada, India and the EU. According to 2011, 7.5 million US residents were persecuted. By the same estimates, 15% of women and 6% of men become victims of stalkers during their lifetime. In the UK, up to 2012, up to 700,000 people a year suffer from persecution. At the same time, British human rights organizations say that only a small part of the victims apply to the police. Stalking often precedes murder or other forms of violence: According to the US Department of Justice, 81% of women who have experienced persecution have also experienced violence from the persecutor.

In Russia, persecution has not yet been recognized as an offense, despite the fact that it can entail serious consequences for the victim.

36 years old, Petersburg

When I studied at the Faculty of Chemistry of St. This went on for over two years.

We met him at my friend's birthday party and met for a while. He was an exchange student from an African country. Our relationship was based mainly on sex. He demanded more and more and once, being drunk, raped me. I broke up with him the next morning. I felt as if I had been hit on the head: I did not understand why I allowed this to happen. After that, he began to chase me. He constantly called me and begged me to forgive him and come back. I said that I had forgiven - but that I could not return to him, because I did not feel safe. He called me at any time of the day or night, sometimes he came to my house and called the doorbell - I hid and pretended that I was not at home. I asked him to stop, but it didn't help. I was afraid to walk down the street and leave the house, because it seemed to me that he could follow me on my heels. I only got worse when I once accidentally met him on the street, - he approached me with the question: "Do you recognize me?" I remember that I was so scared that I just froze, and then I backed away and ran away.

Then I did not tell anyone about this: I was ashamed, and I realized that I could not change anything. I hoped that one day he would get tired of chasing me. In addition, I was afraid to talk about it, because I was afraid to incriminate him, because it is clear that the African will be judged much more severely. Mixed with my fear was guilt. All my attempts to persuade him to leave me alone were shattered by his belief that he had the right to do so. It was not a conversation between two people - I was just his goal, a desired object, while my desires did not matter. The last time he called me was quite recently - six years after he left Russia. He again said that he loved me and that I would not forget him.

After this story, I find it difficult to trust people. At the beginning of a new relationship, I was afraid that the violence would happen again, and I often broke them off at the first hint of something like that.

23 years old, Petersburg

For almost two years, my ex-husband has been following me.

Our normal relationship lasted for a year and a half. We got married in September 2013, in February 2014 I gave birth to a child. Since my ex-husband did not help me with the child in any way and did not come home every day, I decided to divorce him. While we were together, he had nothing to do with me - the persecution began when I ended the relationship.

He began to write messages - I blocked him, but he continued to write from different accounts, on behalf of other people with questions about how I feel about my ex-husband. It got to the point that he began to call my mother at work and ask why I left him so good. Threatened: "I'll trample your life in shit." He came and waited for me at the exit from my place of work.

After we broke off relations, I decided to go to study in Germany and take the child with me. The ex-husband decided that he did not want to let neither the child nor me go abroad. He began to write to me that they were following me, that he had acquaintances in the FSB, that there were bugs in our apartment and that they were listening to us. He sent me messages like "Now I am standing at the FSB office, they are considering your case, you will not go anywhere" or "Today I went to your university and spoke with the dean's office." He filled the lock in our apartment with glue and cut the wires on the dashboard.

I was very scared, because he could appear next to me at any moment. For example, if I went for a walk with my child to the park or just walked down the street. I was afraid to correspond on VKontakte, because he hacked my page several times and sent me screenshots of my messages with his comments. One day he hacked my mail and stole my documents from there.

I wrote a statement and in the fall of 2016 I was called to the police. I told them about everything he did, but they asked me if he beat me. Having learned that he did not beat me, they refused to help me.

The only crime they found was hooliganism. They promised to hold a preventive conversation with my ex-husband (I don’t know if they had it). Then I launched on the Internet with a proposal to introduce an article on stalking into the Criminal Code of the Russian Federation.

Our situation is complicated by the fact that we have a common child. My ex-husband arranged so that I could not leave Russia for Germany until I conclude an amicable agreement with him, according to which the child will live with him. I agreed to this, and the child lived in the country with his parents. But, apparently, no one did it, because when I returned to St. Petersburg, I saw that my son did not speak, his eyesight was deteriorating and he was all dirty and intimidated. Now my son lives with my parents. We are seeking through the court to deprive my husband of parental rights.

There is no constancy in our communication - he can first write that he has nothing against our son living with me in Germany, but then abruptly change his mind and again start demanding that I leave the child to him. On another day, he may call me a German bed and a prostitute - and then say: "I was just kidding, I really love you."

The last court hearing was on December 6, and since then my husband has not touched me. He came to court with his new girlfriend.

32 years old, Petersburg

My story of persecution began when I was an administrator in the Atypical Homophobe group on VKontakte in 2013. A girl named Maria from Tula wrote to me. At first she said that she liked red-haired girls. For some time I corresponded with her on the topic of activism, sometimes we chatted about movies, but then I noticed that she behaves inappropriately: for example, first she initiates a discussion of the book, and then sharply asks why I bore her with my messages.

Then she began to write to me that she had a difficult life situation, a serious illness. At some point, her behavior became very intrusive. Once she wrote to me from another account: "Hi, let's get acquainted." By the style of the correspondence, I understood that it was her, and when I asked why she was doing this, she said that it was just very funny. She began to flirt with me - but she twisted it as if I was harassing her, and threatened to write about it to my girlfriend. She found my phone number and address (I am a tutor and once published my address on the Internet) and said that she would come to my house. At some point, she really wrote to my girlfriend that we were corresponding with her. Sometimes her messages were offensive: "Why are you ignoring me - do you think you are special?"

Then, on the advice of a friend, I stopped responding to her messages and finally blocked both of her accounts. She began to write to me from the third ... in total, I blocked five of her accounts.

In November 2016, she called me - and I got scared. At first, this story did not cause me anything but bewilderment and laughter - I had a crazy fan. But over time, watching how much energy she spends on each VKontakte account, I began to strain more and more. I was afraid that she would really come to my house - what if she would bring a knife or acid? When she called me in November of that year, I was spending a lot of time at the Side by Side Film Festival - and every strange look from a stranger seemed threatening to me. After that call, I called the mobile operator: now she cannot call me, but SMS is not blocked, and she writes them to me all the time, the same strange: she says that she feels bad and needs communication, then she calls me nasty and disgusting.

I understand that my story of persecution is not the worst, but it makes me very nervous, especially because I can't do anything about it.