Who is suitable for the husbands of the only daughter. Only child: when a princess grows up in a family

will tellabout the psychological characteristics of the only daughters and older children.

We continue to consider sibling positions. A sibling position is a position in a family in the order of birth of a child among brothers and sisters.

Husband's Choice only daughter

She chooses her husband, according to her own special criteria: he must be tactful, easy to communicate, ready to reckon with any of her desires and whims to prove her love every minute. She gives preference to older men, who will be touched rather than annoyed by her whims and frequent mood swings.

Just like an only son, an only daughter expects her husband to make her life easier, create comfortable conditions and at the same time never ask for anything in return. The most difficult couple for an only daughter is, naturally, an only son. Both of them do not know how to cope with close and equal relationships, neither of them is used to the opposite sex, and both want the other to play the role of a parent, admire and care, indulge whims. However, there is an opportunity to improve such a marriage if there are common professional interests or hobbies in the family.

The most successful marriage is if the chosen one of the only daughter occupies a position in the parental family of the elder brother of the sisters or the younger brother of the sisters. The middle brother of the sisters can get along well with his only daughter, who can easily cope with the role of raising and caring for children.

older child

Enviable position while he is enviable (only child). Parents are very worried about the appearance of their first child and try to give the child a lot of care, love and attention. The eldest child is the king deposed from the throne, this is the leader, the one who is satisfied only with the position of First / Winner.

When - the same sex, its effect on the elder is very strong. The elder tries to be good so that his parents continue to love him more than the newborn. Good example- The Klitschko brothers. Usually such children get a very traumatic experience: the youngest appears in the family who wants to take away the attention of their parents, care, love, at least 50%. The birth of a brother or sister forever deprives him of his exclusive position and is often accompanied by childish jealousy.

The eldest child inherits responsibility, conscientiousness, striving for achievements, ambition. The emphasis in the life of the older child on high achievements, the overestimation of the requirements for oneself and others, the "high bar". Anxiety does not live up to expectations and then one's own family and in the professional field. As a consequence, the anxiety of not living up to the expectations of significant Others affects the ability to enjoy life. It is difficult to relax, there is no right to rest.

Usually, with the advent of the younger, the eldest becomes the eldest not only for the brother or sister, but also for the parents. As an adult, he takes care of younger brothers and sisters more often than others, especially in case of illness or loss of parents. He may feel responsible for the material well-being of the family, the continuation of family traditions.

In the next article, we will talk about other sibling positions.

Many factors influence the character of a person and his fate, including his position in the parental family, that is, whether he or he has brothers and sisters. There are both advantages to being an only child and certain psychological problems that will manifest themselves in adulthood.

Many parents want to have a son who is the object of parental pride. It is completely natural for an only son that he is always in the center of attention and, having married, he begins to demand the same from his wife. A good match for an only son can be an older sister who is used to taking care of her younger brothers and sisters. The most difficult option is the only daughter, who is also used to her exclusive position in the family. In such a marriage, each spouse wants the other to play the role of parent. The only son often entrusts the responsibility for raising children and the household to his wife, while he himself is completely immersed in work, where he strives with all his might to prove his impeccability.

It is very difficult for an only son if he is born to a single mother, especially if the mother is no longer young and has given birth to a child “for herself”. In this case, the son may never build a family and, until the end of his mother's life, serve as her consolation and play the role of a substitute husband. It is also quite difficult for the only sons who were brought up without a father - they were born out of wedlock or stayed with their mother after a divorce. It can be quite difficult for them to accept and show their masculine qualities.

only daughter

The desired only daughter, as a rule, grows up in an atmosphere of love, strongly guarded and tutored by her parents. When she gets married, she demands the same attitude from her husband. In general, the only daughter expects care and attention from everyone with whom she communicates. best spouse for her, an older brother of sisters or a man much older than her, ready to endure whims and constant expectation of admiration, can become. The most unfavorable option would be marriage with an only son. The only daughter often delegates the care of her children to her parents or husband.

If the only daughter grows up in an incomplete family and is brought up only by her mother, then she often accepts the “script” of her life, and then “transfers” it to her daughter. People call this “scenario” a birth curse, but the situation itself is quite understandable. Quite often, if a woman does not have a relationship with a man - the father of her child, she begins to have a negative attitude towards all males and this attitude will be passed on to her daughter.

In general, when a child is brought up in an incomplete family (most often with a mother), this is fraught with the fact that the mother refuses her personal life and all her thoughts are completely focused on the child. And often the child in such a situation becomes a kind of "vest". The mother, in her attempts to comprehend the negative life experience, seeks to gain support and justify her behavior, and this is fraught with the fact that gradually puts pressure on the child's fragile psyche. But it is very difficult for a child to be supportive due to his age and immaturity of perception. At times, this can become an overwhelming burden. Therefore, if a parent really loves a child, he should try to control his feelings and not exploit his child emotionally.

And in the end, I would like to remind you once again that it only creates certain prerequisites for the formation of certain character traits. And who a person will become in reality and how his life will turn out is determined by many factors. And birth order, though very important, is just one of them.

Children with no siblings have the best and worst possible environments. They are always the oldest and the youngest child in the family. As a result, they may have many of the characteristics of an older child, while still being children in many ways even as adults.

More than children in any other family, the only child takes on the character traits inherent in the position in the family of a parent of the same sex with him. For example, an only daughter whose mother is the younger sister of her brothers may be more capricious and flirtatious than one whose mother is the elder sister of her sisters. In fact, an only child can be very similar to a parent of the same sex until he encounters difficulties or gets into a stressful situation, when his individual personality traits - the qualities of an only child in the family - appear.

Since only children are never succeeded by younger siblings, they develop a habit of going without company and a stronger sense of dignity than older children in the family, with less need to control others. They are less burdened by someone's authority and calmly expect help from others if they need it. Only children generally demand a lot from life. Since parents expect as much from an only child as they do from the eldest among others, the only child usually excels at school and in his further aspirations. He can even turn into a pedant and get very upset if something goes wrong with him.

And, indeed, they usually succeed in everything; in numerous tests that determine the ability to study, they show the best results of all options for the order of birth in the family. Since only children are not accustomed to living with other children, they often do not know how to build close relationships with peers in adulthood when they marry or start living together with someone.

They are unfamiliar with the difficulties of living side by side and close contact with other children, so it can be difficult to accept or understand the normal mood swings of others. They cannot always understand how a person who has recently been angry with them suddenly starts laughing and joking, as if nothing had happened. They are not accustomed to the complexities of other personalities and may feel most comfortable throughout life only when they are alone with themselves.

This does not mean that only children do not like other people or have difficulty becoming a member of a group, but that they are used to solitude. Even peer friends in childhood cannot make up for the lack of family relationships with other children in the family. Due to the lack of opportunities to play with other children, the only child is usually not as playful as the others and may act like a small adult. Through early adult conversations, he develops excellent speech skills, but as an adult, he least of all deserves the epithet "talkative, talkative." Light mutual banter, teasing among peers is not his style. However, although it takes some time for an only child to learn how to communicate easily, most only children, as adults, are people who are easy to get along with.

With regard to children born in the fifties or earlier, there is one significant factor that needs to be analyzed: why are they only children? Until the 1960s, it was extremely unusual to have one child. Often this is a sign that the parents had problems - physical, emotional or financial - that prevented them from having other children. Today, of course, many couples aspire to have smaller families. In any case, if there were problems in the family that prevented the birth of other children, these same problems inevitably had a great impact on the only child.

There is a difference in our culture between being the only boy and the only girl, as described below.

1. The only son.

Judging from the data obtained that most parents prefer to have at least one boy, it can be concluded that an only son is preferable to an only daughter in the family. The only boy is the favorite of two adults, and in many families gets used to constant approval, encouragement and sympathy. He gets the impression that the rest of the world should treat him with the same enthusiasm. If recognition comes to him, he usually takes it for granted. Others should not expect much support from him. He is generally not inclined to change course for someone unless it is in his plans. But this is not the reason why the only son is often alone. He may be liked by others, but he himself does not seek friendship and prefers his own persona to any other company.

As a wife, he can take almost any woman, as well as leave - any. He is indeed not very suitable for close relationships with peers; he is used to having his parents take care of all his basic needs, allowing him to be a little genius. Therefore, the wife of an only son is often expected to make life easier for him without demanding much in return.

By playing the role of an older brother in a family with other children, he could start a family with a younger or middle sister among the brothers. An older sister among brothers may also come up, playing the role of a mother to him. An only daughter is usually the most difficult combination for him. Both may experience anxiety in case of stress or tension over distance from a peer, since neither of them is used to communicating with the opposite sex, and both want their partner to take on the role of a parent. If they do marry each other, they often make the (wise) decision not to have children.

If an only son has children, then usually his wife takes full responsibility for them; he rarely shows a desire to take on parental responsibilities.

The only son, like the eldest son, often achieves great success. In general, he strives for such a position at work, where he can show off his achievements, as it was in the family of his parents.

2. Only daughter

The only daughter often sees herself as an exceptional person - Her Highness - and is offended if others treat her differently. She craves approval, if not adoration, especially from men. It is often difficult for her to understand other people if they are different. At the same time, maturity, which is rarely found at her age, and eternal "childishness" are characteristic.

Parents often overprotect the only daughter, and this leads to the fact that, having matured, she expects the same protection and care from friends and her husband. The husband she chooses (namely, she makes the choice) must be a flexible, contact, good-natured person who can cope with her waywardness. It is best if he is older than her in age, such a person whom her whims and tests of his love will amuse, not frighten. Like the only son, the only daughter does not have a particular psychotype of a man that is particularly suitable for her marriage. Better than others, an older brother among sisters or (since she can be considered the oldest child in the family) a younger brother among sisters. The middle brother among the sisters may also come up.

The only son suits her least of all, since it is unlikely that adoration should be expected from him, and from her - indulgence of his requests. They can still get along if they are connected by common professional interests or even entertainment. Of all the possible combinations of married couples, this one is the least disposed to have children.

If the only daughter has children, then her husband may have to take on most of the parental responsibilities, which will be quite natural for the eldest or middle brother among brothers and sisters.

The only daughter's friends will be, most likely older sisters among sisters or sometimes younger sisters among sisters. She, more than an only son, wants to have friends, and she can seek close communication even without being able to easily achieve this.

An only daughter is usually smart and competent, but she can squander her talent if she does not find herself in her ideal situation at work: she is best suited for such an environment where she works alone or under the command of a kind man older than her.

br /> Peculiarities of raising an only child in a family
Undoubtedly, parents who have an only child usually pay excessive attention to him. In short, they care too much about him just because they have one, when in fact he is only the first.

only child
Only children from birth develop in a special atmosphere. Surrounded for a long time only by adults, they get a more limited personal experience compared to children who have brothers and sisters. Psychologists of the beginning of our century were very skeptical about such a family structure.

An only child - strengths and weaknesses
Only children from birth develop in a special atmosphere. These little "navels of the earth" are surrounded only by adults for a long time, so their personal experience is more limited compared to children who have brothers and sisters.

If the child is the only one
Difficulties of raising an only child in a family

Only children from birth develop in a special atmosphere. Surrounded for a long time only by adults, they get a more limited personal experience compared to children who have brothers and sisters. Psychologists of the beginning of the last century were very skeptical about such a family structure. The words of the American psychologist S. Hall that being an only child is already having a disease in oneself were constantly quoted in a special and popular literature. However, such an unambiguous assessment is not sufficiently substantiated and has recently met with more and more objections. But let's take it in order.

The main thing in the development of an only child is that for a long time he communicates closely only with adults. Being alone - small in the "country of giants" - is not so easy and simple. Not being able to compare himself in a family setting with brothers and sisters of a similar age, and seeing in front of him only unattainable, able and powerful adults, the child acutely feels his weakness, imperfection. Thus, indirectly, the child is discouraged by the very situation of development and, as a result, may lose faith in his own strength.

The only child is always in front of the parents. They are vigilant, they notice when something fails, when it is difficult for him, and they rush to help. If in a large family the baby cannot fasten a button in any way and only after the tenth unsuccessful attempt, bursting into tears, receives help, then the only child often makes only the first attempt, and then half-heartedly. Only children tend to get too much help, and over time, the baby begins to comprehend himself as constantly in need of help. Such an internal position is illustrated by a drawing of the family of six-year-old Yarik (Fig. 1). Surrounded by mom and dad, he portrayed himself as insignificantly small, helpless, requiring care.

Picture 1.

Developing in an atmosphere of overprotectiveness, only children not only lose confidence, but also get used to taking service, parental help for granted, demanding it when necessary and not necessary. The child begins to feel strength in his weakness, abuses the attention and care of others. So parents often just fall into the net of a little despot: he needs help in everything, he cannot be denied anything. Otherwise - hysteria, tears, anger or another demonstration of weakness. The child sometimes uses less familiar ways to manipulate the behavior of the parents. For example, he demonstrates night terrors, somatic disorders (headaches, abdominal pain, etc.), in order to keep his parents in constant care of him, to insist that it be the way he (she) wants. Children become little tyrants, and parents, although they feel exhausted because of this, do not understand what is happening: they think that the child is simply overly sensitive or sick.

In one family of three, a relationship structure developed that became a major problem for parents. An eight-year-old girl began to be afraid to stay at home alone, she went to bed only when her mother was sleeping next to her. The mother had to organize her work in such a way as to be constantly with the girl when she was at home. During these periods, the mother could not even go to the store - the girl plaintively asked to stay, because she was scared. Marital relations also began to deteriorate, as the wife spent all her energy in the evening putting the girl to bed, and besides, the girl constantly lay next to the spouses.

A thorough psychological analysis of family relations showed that the girl simply uses her fears, her weakness to obtain her own benefits. It is uncomfortable for every child to stay in an apartment alone, to sleep alone in his room. However, for most children, overcoming themselves, their fears serves as a means to achieve self-respect, self-recognition on the part of their parents. In the family we have described, the girl bases her behavior on a position that is not useful to her: "I achieve and do what I want only when I am weak."

It can be understood - such an attitude has developed on the basis of everyday experience. However, her future fate and life in the family entirely depend on whether she gets into situations in which she sees the use not of her impotence, but of strength, overcoming herself. If this happens, and parents or someone from outside can help her in this, then the girl will not have to be treated for a real neurosis in the future.

Other salient feature development of only children - they do not have the opportunity to communicate closely with other children of their age (brothers, sisters), which most often leads to incorrect self-esteem. Only children tend to see themselves as unique, valuable, and to put themselves above others. At school, where they find themselves in a situation of comparison with other children, which often reveals their inflated self-importance, they struggle to maintain a fictitious self-image. To achieve this, they often play pranks and play pranks.

The lack of opportunities to communicate closely with siblings also makes it more difficult for single children to communicate with their peers. Firstly, they do not have the experience of how to adapt to the needs of other children, do not take into account their interests. An only child often differs from the rest in vocabulary. There are many terms in his speech that are not clear to himself and the surrounding children, adult expressions, it is not easy for him to understand children's jokes.

All this leads to the fact that only children are less popular among their peers, which, in turn, affects the development of the child's personality. Lacking close contact with other children, the only children are already preschool age are actively looking for such contacts. They ask their parents to "buy" a brother or sister, in other cases they passionately want to have a dog or cat. The need to have a constant companion in games, a friend in the family with whom one could communicate on an equal footing, is also reflected in their family drawings. Like Ramuna, a girl of five and a half years, they very often include cousins ​​in the family (Fig. 2. It depicts two cousins ​​in turn, father, mother, herself) or complete the family with different living creatures: cats, dogs, birds, etc. (see Fig. 3, in which the boy supplemented the family with a really absent dog and cat, or Fig. 4, in which the girl depicted turtles as her friend y).

Figure 2.

Figure 3

Figure 4

However, the development of single children has its positive aspects. First, they get more attention and love from their parents. Only in those cases when parents "go too far", do not leave room for the initiative of the child, do not give him the opportunity to try his hand, overcome obstacles, the harm happens more than good. Unfortunately, the trend is exactly this: after all, his parents have only one. However, there are parents who overcome this “weakness” of theirs and create a normal environment for the child to develop.

Secondly, the parents of an only child have more opportunities to develop his abilities, to be more attentive to his inner world, his experiences. Being closer to the child, parents have more influence on the development of his personality than in other families. Thus, it can be concluded that both bad and good aspects of parenting in families with one child leave a brighter mark on his personality. Socially, only children also have certain advantages over others. More time is spent on their education, various tutors are involved, children are arranged in various circles, etc. Later, in their youth, the only children are better provided financially, which is important for starting an independent life.