Falling asleep on their own at 8 months. Dr. komarovsky on how to teach a child to sleep in his crib

Often, parents are faced with a problem when the baby does not want to go to bed and fall asleep alone. In this article, we will figure out when to teach children to fall asleep on their own, how to do it correctly, and why the child does not fall asleep well.

When the child has to fall asleep by himself

A baby up to 1-1.5 years old needs to be constantly with his mother. At this age, it is too early to start teaching your baby to sleep alone in the crib. Note that a baby up to 7-8 months can hardly fall asleep on its own. If the baby is not ready to sleep alone in a crib for up to a year, do not force it.

Pediatricians call a suitable age 2-3 years, when the baby is already ready for independent sleep. At two or three years old, the child begins to accustom to a certain order of actions before bedtime. It is important that crib training is accompanied by positive feelings. It is also important to work out a schedule. By the age of four or five, the baby should already fall asleep on its own at a certain hour.

Crib training should start at two years old, but you can teach your baby to fall asleep without motion sickness as early as one or two months. This prepares the baby and makes it easier to fall asleep in a separate bed. Falling asleep a baby on your own needs to be taught up to a year.

If the baby does not sleep on its own in a crib at 1-2 years old, there is nothing to worry about. The critical age is five years. If, before this age, the baby has not learned to sleep peacefully alone in the crib, in the future, such children will experience sleep disorders and insomnia. Thus, babies should fall asleep on their own without motion sickness and lullabies up to a year, and sleep in a separate bed - up to five years. Now let's find out how to teach a child to fall asleep on their own.

How to teach a baby to fall asleep on his own

You can accustom your baby to good sleep at night and fall asleep on his own after one or two months. At first, use various methods that will help the baby fall asleep immediately without whims and crying. What can be used for this:

• Swaddling. Today, doctors are promoting free swaddling, in which the baby can move the arms and legs in a dream. But at the same time, swaddling gives the baby peace of mind and a sense of security, which is especially important for a newborn. How to swaddle a baby correctly, see;
• Quiet lullabies, hugs and motion sickness have a calming effect on the child;
• White noise often helps your baby fall asleep right away. Use quiet, calm sounds like hiss, running water, recording a waterfall, etc.
• Do not teach to fall asleep while walking with a stroller or when traveling by car, as children quickly get used to this method of motion sickness and in the future will fall asleep poorly at home.

After three months, the child needs to be weaned from motion sickness and lullabies, at this age the baby should already begin to fall asleep on its own. And you need to teach this up to a year.

To get your baby to fall asleep right away, use these methods:

• The child should be awake for 1.5-2 hours before bedtime. Please note that he should be tired, but not overworked, otherwise it will be even more difficult for the baby to fall asleep;
• Feed your baby before bed and change the diaper, you can make a light relaxing one. When you put your baby to bed, dim the lights, do not turn on the TV and music (but you can use quiet lullabies or “white noise”). The child must understand that it is time for sleep;
• Do not let your baby fall asleep at the breast during the day to avoid becoming a habit. In the future, it will be difficult for a child to fall asleep without a breast and without a pacifier.

By six months, the child should fall asleep on his own. Do not get up to the child at the first call, wait until he calms down himself. Many parents are concerned about the question of why the child does not fall asleep well, does not want to sleep, or wakes up immediately. There can be many reasons for this.

If your baby does not sleep well or does not want to fall asleep

Your baby may be worried about hunger, a dirty diaper, or pain. Therefore, it is important before going to bed to eliminate the moments that can bring discomfort to the child. Be sure to feed the baby and change the diaper, turn off or dim the lights and music before going to bed.

In addition, overexcitement or a habit to the nipple or breast can prevent the baby from falling asleep. Read about the pros and cons of using a pacifier here. Do not use active games before bed. Better to do a relaxing massage, take a walk or take a calm swim before bed.

After four months, the causes of restless and poor sleep lie in teething. Special teethers and safe baby gels will help reduce discomfort. Sometimes the baby cries due to lack of attention. You can get up and shake the baby for a short time. We remind you that there is no need to approach the child at the first call!

Sleep disturbance is often caused by little activity during the day. Do not forget about exercises, walks, games and various exercises. In addition, for a comfortable sleep in the children's room there should be a suitable temperature, which is 18-22 degrees. Ventilate the area regularly and make sure that the air is not too dry or too humid.

10 ways to teach your child to fall asleep on their own

• It is important to establish a unified sleep preparation algorithm. Repeat the same procedure with your baby every day before going to bed. Such a schedule may include an evening swim, reading a fairy tale or lullaby, kissing goodnight. Moreover, the sequence of actions should be the same. A single algorithm will help the child understand when to sleep;
• Lay the baby down before he falls asleep in his arms or near the chest. In order for the baby to sleep peacefully alone in the crib, you need to teach him to fall asleep in it. When the baby falls asleep in his crib, it promotes healthy and sound sleep;
• To put the child to bed at once, both day and night, build a schedule so that the first half of the day is the most active and intense, and the second half is quieter;
• , especially with mom, calms the baby, favorably affects the development of the psyche and nervous system. However, it is important to start weaning the baby from sleeping together in time. This should be done in 2-3 years;
• If the child wakes up, starts crying and calls for mom, do not rush to respond. Wait for it to calm down on its own. Children can often calm down without the help of their parents. But periodically go into the room so that the child does not feel abandoned. Gradually reduce the number of visits and the time spent in the nursery;

• Use nipples and rattles only as a last resort. Do not let the baby play in the crib, use it only for its intended purpose (for sleeping). Toys and pacifiers only complicate the task. In the future, you will have to not only teach your baby to fall asleep on their own, but also wean him from his favorite toys and attributes;
• Always put your baby to bed at the same time. The body gets used to a certain regime, and the baby itself will feel tired. Resist the temptation to put your baby to bed early to get some rest. This disrupts the schedule, in addition, the baby wakes up too early the next morning;
• Be sure to follow the conditions for falling asleep. As mentioned, check the diaper and feed the baby, keep the room quiet and dim. Choose a comfortable mattress and hypoallergenic linen, check if the sheet is even. The baby should be comfortable in the crib;
• Many babies cannot fall asleep due to fear. It has been proven that the first nightmares may already appear in two years. Try to figure out why your baby is scared. Don't watch scary cartoons or read scary stories before bed, leave a night light on at night. See a child psychologist if necessary.
• Do not scold your child or threaten if he does not want to sleep and is capricious. Always speak kindly and calmly! Explain why he should now sleep, why he should sleep in a separate bed. How to behave if the baby does not obey the parents and is constantly capricious, read the article.

Ferber-Estiville-Spock method of falling asleep

This is a rather tough and controversial technique, which, however, quickly yields results. Please note that the technique can only be used for healthy children over six months! In addition, the baby should already have a clear daily routine. It is important that the baby is alone in the room, and no one sleeps in the neighborhood.

This technique assumes that the child is left alone in the room and enters the room after a certain time after crying. The table details the waiting times.

Thus, if the baby cries on the first day of the beginning of training, then the mother can come up in a minute. If the baby cried again, then she already waits for three minutes, the next time - five minutes. And so the time is scheduled for each day.

Indeed, this is a tough method, and not all parents are ready for this method of training. But, as practice shows, he can really teach a child to fall asleep in one week.

The Ferber-Estiville-Spock method cannot be used if the baby is sick! In addition, if the child cries continuously for more than 10 minutes, this may indicate some health problem.

How to teach a child to fall asleep on their own, and why? A kid of any age already learns a lot every minute. You can always rock him, give him a pacifier, let him fall asleep at the breast, lie with him until he falls asleep. So we show our love and care, attention, warmth and affection for the baby.

How to teach a child to fall asleep on their own, and why? A kid of any age already learns a lot every minute. You can always rock him, give him a pacifier, let him fall asleep at the breast, lie with him until he falls asleep. So we show our love and care, attention, warmth and affection for the baby.

However, in the life of every mother, there comes a moment when the old tricks stop working.

The child does not get sick, wakes up as soon as he is put in the crib, sleeps only next to his mother, who still has so much to do! And then there are also frequent night awakenings do not allow you to sleep even at night. Such moments really test us for strength, and not only mom, but also dad, who does not receive the attention and affection he needs, rest before the working day, older children, accidental victims of our lack of sleep in the form of a saleswoman in a store or an unwary passerby. The scale of the disaster cannot be underestimated.

How to put the baby to bed, and even so that he sleeps longer?

Often, there is only one reason for difficult and lengthy laying - the child's inability to fall asleep on his own. He constantly relies on the help of his mother (motion sickness, feeding) or a third object (nipple, swing, car), and when this “helper” disappears, the child wakes up, demanding the continuation of the sleep regimen. So, yes, having a bad sleep baby is your fault, but the good news is that it confirms that you are a good parent too! For a very long time it was not a burden for you to rock, sing, get up and put your baby to bed. You were ready to give her your love and affection on demand, and sometimes from an overabundance of feelings for her.

But time passes, and you most likely already understand that it is time to believe in her (his) ability to learn this important matter - to fall asleep on your own. Babies grow up and by 5-6 months (and some already immediately after four) are neurologically ready to master this technique. What can we say about older children - a year, one and a half, two.

The fact is that children, like adults, go through several sleep cycles - the fast one is replaced by the slow one. Newborns spend most of their time in deep (slow) sleep, which is why it is so difficult to wake them up even for feeding. But when a child turns 4 months old, his body is rebuilt to an "adult" sleep pattern. Now the baby sleeps in cycles: REM sleep - slow (deep) sleep. A full cycle in infants lasts about 40-50 minutes, and during the transition to a new cycle, they can wake up for a few seconds (adults also sleep like that, but we immediately fall asleep and therefore do not remember this) and ... not be able to put ourselves to sleep again. Hence, there are short daytime sleep periods of 40-50 minutes, or night rises every hour.

It should be noted separately that the deepest sleep occurs in babies in the first half of the night (some can happily sleep for 3-5 hours from the moment they go to bed), but then an endless series of awakenings - motion sickness - nipple return, etc.

The main obstacle to learning the skill of falling asleep independently is the presence of a "crutch" or association that "helps" the baby to fall asleep. It can be anything: a nipple, motion sickness, singing, the need for mom to lie down next to it, a bottle. I know a family who put a child in a car and rolled until he fell asleep, repeating this trick several times daily! In other words, "crutch" is any factor or object that the child cannot influence independently.

For example, if your one-year-old baby falls asleep perfectly with a nipple and at the same time is able to find it and insert it into his mouth, if it falls out in the middle of the night, this is not a crutch and there is no need to fight the nipple for sleep. My son, at 5 months old, also fell asleep well with a nipple in his mouth, but as soon as it fell out he woke up and cried, because I could not force her to return to her place, I had to do it for him, this cycle could be repeated up to 18 times per night - for him the nipple became a "crutch". The same child may have several such crutches: he may be rocked, fed until falling asleep, and given a pacifier at the same time. Imagine how difficult it is for such a kid to fall asleep on his own when they did it for him using three different tools!

Let me give you another example: briefly waking up between sleep cycles, the child checks whether everything around him is as it was when falling asleep. The instinct of self-preservation wants to make sure that he is warm, his mother is nearby, he lies in the same place where he fell asleep, and not in the bear den where he was dragged away to eat. If something has changed - urgently need to call for help!

Now remember: you rock your little miracle, it falls asleep in your arms, you put it in the crib and after a short period of time run to the call and repeat everything again. Sound familiar? But wouldn't you be alarmed by the fact that, having fallen asleep on the couch, you woke up in bed, or in general at your neighbor's? Now, the kids don't like that either. On the other hand, if the baby himself fell asleep in his crib, he will know for sure that he should be there and will be able to calmly continue sleeping even after a short awakening.

Another (and perhaps even stronger) obstacle is often the parents' disbelief that the baby is already ready to fall asleep on its own. We see that our children are born so helpless, we know that they need to be taught everything, and we share this knowledge in accordance with their age and ability to learn new things (or our awareness of these opportunities). And mothers often hear something like “well, he’s still so small!”, “As you wanted, all the children often wake up”, “this is normal, so mine began to sleep all night by the age of 2.5! ". And it makes us feel guilty for wanting too much; convinces us that a one-year-old child does not sleep all night with any of the existing people; strengthens us in the idea that the mother's lot is to endure and not sleep at night. This is not true at all!

Is it possible from the first days of a baby's life to learn to understand his "language" and begin to fully communicate with him? How to understand the character of a newborn in order to care for him, taking into account his personal characteristics and temperament? Are there simple, reliable solutions to common problems in infancy such as crying for no reason or not wanting to sleep at night?

Tracey Hogg, Newborn Care Specialist, talks about this and much more. Her many years of experience and recommendations have helped many families, including stellar ones, to cope with the difficulties of the first year of parenting and raise happy and healthy babies. All Tracy's advice is extremely practical and accessible to everyone, and the techniques she offers are extremely effective - perhaps because her approach is based on a respectful attitude towards newborn children, albeit small, but individuals.

Why This Book Is Worth Reading

• Tracey Hogg is one of the most famous authors of children's and parental literature, she is recognized on a par with the eminent Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish, William and Martha Sears;
• a must-have for all parents who have newborns: you will understand what to expect and learn to cope even with what you did not expect;
• the author will competently and kindly explain to every mother and every father how to raise a happy child in love, respect and care;
• tracy is called modern Mary Poppins by parents around the world for her actionable advice;
• modern pediatricians recommend the author's books to parents all over the world.

Who is the author
Tracy Hogg is rightfully considered the modern Mary Poppins; all over the world, young mothers use her method of falling asleep babies on their own.
The author was a nurse, and in order to help the babies, she had to learn to understand their language and decipher the signals they sent. Thanks to this, Tracy was able to master their non-verbal language. After moving to America, she dedicated herself to caring for newborns and women in labor and helping young parents.

How to teach a baby to fall asleep on his own and sleep well all night?

My newborn child was about two weeks old when I was suddenly overwhelmed by the understanding: I will never be able to rest again. Well, never - that might be a bit too strong. There was hope that by sending my son to college, I would still be able to sleep peacefully at night again. But I was ready to give my head to be cut off - while he is a baby, it does not shine for me.
Sandy Shelton. Restful night sleep and other lies

Sweet dreams, my dear!

In the first days of life, the main occupation of a newborn is sleep. Some sleep in the first week until 23 hours a day! Of course, every living creature needs sleep, but for a newborn that's all. While the infant is asleep, its brain works tirelessly to create the convolutions necessary for mental, physical and emotional development. If a child sleeps well, he is collected, focused and happy with everything - just like an adult after a good rest. He eats heartily, plays with enthusiasm, radiates energy and actively communicates with others.

The body of a child who sleeps poorly cannot function normally because his nervous system is exhausted.

He is irritable and uncoordinated. The baby is reluctant to take a breast or a bottle. He has no strength to explore the world. Worst of all, overwork exacerbates sleep problems. The fact is, bad sleeping habits create a vicious circle. Some babies get so tired that they are physically unable to calm down and fall asleep. Only when there is absolutely no strength left, the poor things finally turn off. It hurts to watch how the baby literally stuns herself with her own cry, trying to isolate herself from the world, she is so over-excited and upset. But the worst part is that even this long-awaited dream turns out to be shallow and intermittent and sometimes lasts no longer than 20 minutes. As a result, the child almost constantly lives "on the nerves."

So, everything seems obvious. But you only knew how many people do not understand this simple thing: to develop a healthy sleep habit, an infant needs parental guidance. So-called sleep problems are so common because many parents are unaware that they, not their children, must decide when to go to bed and how to sleep.

In this chapter, I’ll tell you what I think about this, and many of my thoughts will certainly conflict with what you have read or heard from others. I’ll teach you how to notice infant fatigue before it turns into overwork, and I’ll tell you what to do if you’ve missed a valuable time window when it’s easy to bed. You will learn how to help your baby fall asleep and how to eliminate sleep difficulties without letting them become a persistent problem.

Down with delusions: light sleep

Now the minds of parents are controlled by two radically different "schools".
The first includes adherents of joint sleep, whatever it is called, be it "sleeping in the parental bed" or the Sears method. (Dr. William Sears, a California pediatrician, promotes the idea that babies should be allowed to sleep in their parents' bed until they ask to be provided with their own bed.) This method is based on the idea that a child has should develop a positive attitude to sleep and going to bed (here I am with both hands "for") and that the most correct way to this goal is to carry it in your arms, nurse and stroke until the baby falls asleep (which I strongly object to). Sears, the most influential propagandist of the method, wonders in an interview published in Child magazine in 1998: "How could a mother be tempted to put her baby in a box of twigs and leave him all alone in a dark room?"

Proponents of sleeping between parents and babies often refer to traditions of other cultures, for example, the Bali Islands, where newborns are not released from their hands until they are three months old. (But we do not live in Bali!) Members of La Leche League believe that if the baby has a difficult day, the mother should stay in bed with him, providing him with the additional contact and care he needs. All of this serves to "strengthen attachment" and create a "sense of security", so supporters of this point of view believe it is entirely possible that mom and dad sacrifice their time, personal life and their own need for sleep. To make it easier for them to do this, Pat Yerian, a sleep-sharing advocate quoted in The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding, encourages disgruntled parents to change their minds: “If you can take a step towards greater tolerance [in relation to the fact that your child will wake you up], you will gain the ability to enjoy these quiet moments of night communication with a newborn who needs your arms and affection, or a little older baby who just needs to be with someone ".

At the other extreme is the delayed response method, often referred to as Ferber after Dr. Richard Ferber, director of the Center for Sleep Disorders in Children at Boston Children's Hospital. According to his theory, bad sleeping habits are acquired, which means that they can be weaned from them (with which I completely and completely agree). Accordingly, he recommends that parents put their child in the crib when he is still awake and teach them to fall asleep on their own (I also agree with this). If the child, instead of falling asleep, begins to cry, in fact, addressing the parents with an appeal: "Come and take me out of here!" - Ferber advises leaving crying unattended for ever longer periods of time: on the first evening for five minutes, on the second by 10, then at 15, etc. (and here our paths with Dr. Ferber diverge). Explained by Dr. Ferber in Child magazine: “If a toddler wants to play with a dangerous object, we say no and set limits that may cause him to protest…. The same happens when we explain to him that there are different rules at night. It is in his best interest to sleep well at night. "

Perhaps you have already joined one or the other camp.
If any of these two methods suits you and your child, suits your lifestyle, do not hesitate, keep up the good work. But the fact is that I often get calls from people who have already tried both of these approaches. Usually events develop as follows. One parent first prefers the idea of \u200b\u200bsleeping with the child and convinces his partner or partner that this is the best. After all, there really is something romantic about it - a kind of return to the roots. And night feeds are no longer a problem. The enthusiastic couple decides not to buy a crib at all. But several months pass - sometimes quite a lot - and the idyll ends. If mom and dad are very afraid to "sleep" the child, then they themselves may lose sleep due to constant fears, and someone develops a painful sensitivity to the slightest sound made by the baby in a dream.

A baby may wake up frequently - every two hours - and demand attention. And if some babies need to be stroked or cuddled tightly to make them fall asleep again, then others think it's time to play. As a result, parents are forced to wander around the apartment: one night they play with the child in the bedroom, the other doze off in the living room, trying to catch up. Be that as it may, if both of them were not 100% convinced of the correctness of the chosen method, internal resistance begins to grow in the one who succumbed to the persuasion of the other. This is where this parent grabs onto the Ferber method.

The couple decides that it's time for the baby to get her own bed and buys a crib. From the baby's point of view, this is a coup, the collapse of the familiar world: “Here are my mom and dad, they put me to sleep with them for several months, rocked me, walked, spared no effort to make me happy, and suddenly - bang! I was rejected, evicted to another room, where everything is alien and frightening! I do not compare myself with a prisoner and am not afraid of the dark, because my infant mind does not know such concepts, but I am tormented by the question: “Where have all gone? Where are the dear warm bodies that have always been there? " And I cry - otherwise I cannot ask: "Where are you?" And they finally appear. They stroke me, they ask me to be smart and sleep. But no one taught me to fall asleep on my own. I'm still a baby! "

In my opinion, radical methods are not suitable for all children. Obviously, they are not suitable for children whose parents turn to me for help. I myself prefer to stick to what I consider the golden mean from the beginning. I call my method Smart Sleep.

The three phases of falling asleep

Falling asleep, the child goes through these three phases. The whole cycle takes about 20 minutes.

Phase 1: "window". Your child cannot say, "I'm tired." But he will demonstrate this to you by yawning and other fatigue. Before he yawns a third time, put him to bed. If this is not done, he will not go to the second phase of falling asleep, but will cry.

Phase 2: shutdown. The beginning of this phase marks the child's characteristic gaze, frozen, directed to no one knows where - I call it "a gaze into the distant distance." The child holds it for 3-4 minutes, and although his eyes are open, in fact, he is not looking anywhere - his consciousness hovers somewhere between reality and sleep.

Phase 3: "nap". Now the child resembles a man dozing on a train: his eyes close, his head falls on his chest or to the side. It seems that he has already fallen asleep, but that was not the case: his eyes suddenly open, his head jerkily returns to its previous position, so that the whole body shudders. Then the eyelids drop again, and everything is repeated over and over again from three to five times, after which he finally sinks into sleep.

What is a smart approach to sleep?

This is the middle way, denying any extremes. You will notice that my approach takes something from both of the principles described, but not everything, because, in my opinion, the idea of \u200b\u200b"let her cry and sleep" is incompatible with respect for the child, and co-sleeping forces parents to sacrifice their interests. My principle takes into account the interests of the family as a whole, the needs of all its members. On the one hand, the baby needs to be taught to fall asleep on its own - he should feel comfortable and safe in his own bed. On the other hand, he also needs our presence to calm down after the stress. You cannot start solving the first problem until the second is solved. At the same time, parents also need full rest, time that they can devote to themselves and to each other; their life should not revolve around the baby around the clock, but they still have to give the baby some time, strength and attention. These goals are by no means mutually exclusive. Next, I will tell you what a smart approach to sleep is based on, and with this in mind, you will solve all the challenges ahead. Throughout the chapter, I will give examples of the practical implementation of each element, so that it is easier for you to master the first "C" of my wonderful PASS. (Nutrition - Activity - Sleep - Free time for parents - read more about this in other chapters - approx. Motherhood.ru).

Go where you want to go. If you are attracted to the idea of \u200b\u200bsleeping together, study it thoroughly. Is this how you would like to spend every night for three months? Six months? Longer? Remember, everything you do educates your child. So, if you help him fall asleep by holding him to his chest or rocking him for 40 minutes, in fact you are telling him: "This is how you should fall asleep." When deciding to go this way, you must be willing to follow it for a long time.

Independence does not mean ignorance. When I say to the mother or father of a newborn baby: “We have to help her become independent,” they look up at me in amazement: “Independent? But Tracy, she's only a few hours old! " "When do you think we should start?" I ask.

No one can answer this question, not even scientists, because we do not know when exactly the baby begins to comprehend the world in the full sense of the word. "So start now!" - I urge. But accustoming yourself to independence does not mean quitting crying alone. This means satisfying the needs of the baby, including picking her up when she is crying - because by this she is trying to tell you something. But, once her needs are met, she needs to be let go.

Observe without interfering. You may remember that I already gave this recommendation when talking about playing with a baby. It is also true about sleep. Whenever a child falls asleep, he goes through a sequence of specific phases (see "The Three Phases of Falling asleep"). Parents should be familiar with this sequence so as not to break it. We should not intrude into the natural life processes of the child, but observe them, giving the baby the opportunity to fall asleep on its own.

Do not make your child addicted to crutches. "Crutch" I call any object or any action, deprived of which the child experiences stress. There is no need to hope that the baby will learn to fall asleep on his own if you convince him that daddy's hands, half an hour's motion sickness or mommy's nipple in his mouth is always at his service. As I noted in Chapter 4, I approve of the use of pacifiers, but not as a plug for a sobbing infant. It is simply impolite to poke a pacifier or breast into a baby to silence him. Moreover, if we do this or endlessly carry the baby in our arms, lull and rock her to sleep, we actually form her dependence on the "crutch", depriving her of the opportunity to develop self-soothing skills and learn to fall asleep without assistance.

By the way, a "crutch" is not at all the same as a transitional object — say, a stuffed toy or a blanket — which the child chooses and becomes attached to. Most babies under seven or eight months old are not capable of this - the "attachments" of very young children are for the most part formed by their parents. Of course, if your baby is soothed by her favorite toy hanging in the crib, let her have it. But I am against any things that you give her to calm her down. Let her find her own ways to calm herself.

Develop rituals of going to day and night sleep. Putting your child to bed during the day and evening should always be done routinely. I never tire of stressing that babies are incredible traditionalists. They prefer to know what comes next. Studies have shown that even very young children, trained to expect certain stimuli, are able to anticipate them.

Learn how your baby falls asleep. All the “recipes” for putting a baby to bed have a common drawback: there are no universal remedies. One is suitable for one, another for another. Yes, I offer parents a lot of general recommendations, including introducing them to the common phases of falling asleep, but I invariably advise you to carefully look at your child, the one and only.

The best thing is to keep a sleep monitoring log for your baby. In the morning, write down when he woke up and add notes for each day's sleep. Note when he was laid down in the evening and what time he woke up during the night. Keep a journal for four days. This is enough to understand how your child's sleep is "arranged", even if it seems that there is no system in it.

For example, Marcy was convinced that her eight-month-old Dylan's daytime nap was completely haphazard: "He never falls asleep at the same time, Tracy." But after four days of logging, she noticed: although the time changes slightly, Dylan always falls asleep briefly between 9 and 10 a.m., sleeps another 40 minutes in the interval from 12:30 to 14:00, and by 5 p.m. he always turns out to be very moody and irritated and turns off for 20 minutes. This knowledge helped Marcy plan her day and, equally important, understand the behavior and mood of her baby. Given Dylan's natural biorhythms, she streamlined his daily life, giving him the opportunity to fully rest. When he began to be capricious, she better understood what was the matter and whether he wanted to sleep, and reacted faster.

The magic road to happiness

Remember Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz had to walk down the yellow brick road to find someone to help her get home? After a series of mistakes and disappointments, she finally found this helper - her own wisdom. Basically, I help my parents go the same way. Whether your child has a healthy sleep is up to you, I explain. This needs to be learned, and the learning process is started and led by the parents. Exactly! The infant needs to be taught how to fall asleep properly. The path to healthy sleep consists of the following steps.

Create a sleep environment. Since babies are in dire need of predictability, and repetition is the mother of learning, do and say the same thing before every day and night. Then, at her childish level of understanding, the baby will realize: "I see, then I will now be sleeping." Perform the same rituals in the same order. Say something like: "Well, my joy, it's time to buy-by-by." When transferring the baby to her room, keep calm and speak quietly. Don't forget to check if it's time to change the diaper so that nothing gets in the way. Draw the curtains. At the same time I say: "Goodbye, honey, I'll see you when I sleep," or, if it happens in the evening and it's dark outside: "Good night, month." I find it wrong to put a child to sleep in the living room or in the kitchen. This is at least impolite. Would you like your bed to be in the middle of the trading floor and people hanging around? Of course not! So the child does not want this.

Catch signals. Like adults, babies yawn when they get tired. Yawning is a natural reaction:
a tired body does not function optimally, and the amount of oxygen entering the brain due to the work of the lungs, heart and circulatory system decreases slightly. Yawning allows you to "swallow" more oxygen (try to fake a yawn and you will feel the inhalation going deeper). I urge parents to respond whenever possible to the baby's first yawn - well, at least the third. If you lose sight of the signs of sleepiness (see “Signs that your baby is sleepy”), certain types of babies, such as mimosas, will quickly go into hysterics.

Council. To create the right mood in your child, draw his attention to the pleasant aspects of the holiday. Sleep should not seem like a punishment or a struggle to him. If you say “it's time to sleep” or “you’re tired, you need to rest” in the same tone as they say “get out of sight, ugly boy!”, Then the child will grow up convinced that they are sentenced to nap, as if to exile to Siberia, juvenile delinquents to deprive them of every pleasure.

The closer to the bedroom, the quieter the speech and the slower the movement. Adults like to read a book or watch TV before going to bed to distract from daytime worries. Babies also need to be distracted. Before going to bed, bathing every night, and from the age of three months and massage will help the baby get ready for bed. Even before the day's rest, I always play a calming lullaby. For about five minutes I sit with the baby in a rocking chair or on the floor so that she gets more tactile sensations. If you want, you can tell her a story or just whisper sweet words. However, the purpose of all this is not to lull the child, but to calm him down. Therefore, I immediately stop pumping the baby as soon as I see “a look into the distant distance” - the second phase of falling asleep - or I notice that her eyelids drop, prompting me that she is moving to the third phase. (As for bedtime stories, it's never too early to start, but I usually start reading aloud from six months, when the child can already sit and listen with concentration.)

Council. Do not invite guests while you put your baby to bed. This is not a performance. The child wants to participate in everything. He sees the guests and knows that they have come to visit him: “Wow, new faces! You can look at, smile! So what do mommy and daddy think I'll fall asleep and miss it all? Well, I do not!"

First to bed, then to the land of dreams. Many are sure that the baby can only be put to bed when he is asleep. This is mistake. Lay your baby down early in phase 3 - there is no better way to help her learn to fall asleep on her own. There is another reason: think about how the baby feels, falling asleep in your arms or in a swinging device, and waking up for some reason in the crib. Imagine waiting for you to fall asleep and pulling your bed out of the bedroom and out into the garden. You wake up and cannot understand anything: “Where am I? How did I get here? " Only, unlike you, the baby cannot make the conclusion: "Oh, it is understandable, someone dragged me here while I was sleeping." The child will be disoriented, even frightened. Eventually, he will no longer feel safe in his own bed.

When I put the baby in the crib, I always say the same words: “Now I will put it for you, and you will sleep. You know how great it is and how wonderful you feel afterwards. " And I closely watch the baby. Before going to bed, she may become anxious, especially when she shudders all over, which is typical for the third phase of falling asleep. Do not immediately pick up the child in your arms. Some children calm down on their own and fall asleep. But, if the baby is crying, gently and rhythmically pat her on the back - let her feel that she is not alone. However, remember that as soon as she stops fiddling and whimpering, you must immediately stop stroking her. If she does this for longer than she really needs, she will begin to associate stroking and patting with falling asleep and will no longer be able to fall asleep without it.

Council. I usually recommend placing the baby on its back. But you can arrange it on its side, propping it up with two rolls of towels or special wedge-shaped pillows, which are sold in most pharmacies. If the child sleeps on its side, make sure the side changes.

If the road to the land of dreams turns out to be bumpy, give your child a dummy. I like to use a pacifier in the first three months of a newborn's life - during the period when we form a routine of the day. This saves the mother from having to replace the pacifier with her own presence. At the same time, I always warn you that the pacifier cannot be used uncontrollably - it should not turn into a crutch. With a reasonable approach of parents to this issue, the baby selflessly sucks for six to seven minutes, then the sucking movements slow down, and, in the end, the pacifier falls out of the mouth. The child has already spent as much energy on sucking as it takes to relieve tension, and is safely leaving for the kingdom of sleep. At this moment, some adults with the best intentions come up with the words: "Oh, poor thing, I lost my papilla!" - and shove it back. Do not do that! If the baby needs a dummy so that sleep is not interrupted, he will let you know about it - he will begin to whimper and make gurgling sounds.

So, whenever PASS mode brings you to the first "C", follow the above rules - for most babies, this is enough to make them have a positive association with sleep. Let the same familiar steps lead the little one into the land of dreams, since for him predictability means safety. You yourself will be surprised how quickly your baby will master the skills necessary for intelligently organized sleep. She will even wait for bedtime, because it is so pleasant, and after sleep you feel much more cheerful. Of course, problems cannot be avoided: for example, if the baby
Overworked if she has teething or a fever (see Normal Sleep Problems). But such days will be the exception to the rule.

Remember, in order to really fall asleep, the child needs 20 minutes, and in no case try to speed up anything. You will only disrupt the natural process of falling asleep, and the baby will get nervous. For example, if a loud sound, a dog barking, or a slamming door - whatever - disturbs her in the third phase, she will not fall asleep, but, on the contrary, will wake up, and everything will have to start over. The same thing happens to adults when they are about to fall asleep, and suddenly a phone call breaks the silence. If a person is irritated or stressed out, it can be difficult for them to doze off again. Babies are people too! They are just as nervous, the sleep cycle starts from zero, and you have to wait another 20 minutes for your child to fall into deep sleep.

If you missed the "window"

If your baby is still very young and you have not had time to get a good understanding of his crying and body language, it is more than likely that you will not always be able to react to his first, second or third yawn. If you have an "angel" or "textbook", it's okay - these kids only need a drop of attention and affection to quickly bounce back. But with infants of other types, especially with "mimosas", it is useful to have a couple of tricks in the storeroom in case you missed phase one, because the baby is about to be overworked. And sudden noise or other disturbances at any moment can disrupt the natural process of falling asleep, and if the baby is very worried, he will need your help.

First of all, I'll tell you what you shouldn't do under any circumstances: don't get seasick. Do not walk around the room with your child, do not shake him
too energetic. Remember, he's already overexcited. He cries because he has enough stimuli and crying helps to distract from sounds and from light. You don't need to whip up the activity of his nervous system any more. Moreover, this is where the formation of bad habits usually begins. Mom or dad carry the child in their arms or rock them to help sleep. When his weight exceeds 6.5 kg, they try to make him fall asleep without these crutches. Of course, the child protests, as if to say: “No, my dears, we do not do that. You always rock me. "

If you don't want to fall into this vicious circle, do the following to help your child calm down and disconnect from external stimuli.

Swaddling. After many months in an embryonic position, the newborn is not accustomed to open space. In addition, he does not yet know that his arms and legs are part of himself. An overworked baby needs to be given a motionless position, because he is terribly frightened at the sight of randomly moving limbs - it seems to him that this is someone outsider plotting something against him. In addition, these impressions additionally stress the already overexcited nervous system. Swaddling is one of the oldest techniques for helping a newborn to calm down. It may seem old-fashioned, but modern scientific research confirms its effectiveness. To properly swaddle your baby, fold the square swaddle diagonally. Place the child on the resulting triangle so that the fold is approximately at the level of his neck. Place one of the baby's handles on their chest at an angle of 45? and wrap your body tightly with the appropriate diaper angle. Repeat on the other side. I recommend this swaddle during the first six weeks of life. After the seventh week, when the baby makes the first attempts to put his hands in his mouth, you need to give him this opportunity. Bend his elbows and leave your palms uncovered, close to his face.

Soothing touch. Let the baby know that you are there and are always ready to help him. Pat him on the back rhythmically, simulating heartbeats. You can also repeat "shh ... shh ... shh ..." - this will remind the baby of the sounds that he heard in the womb. In a low, soothing voice, whisper in his ear, "It's okay" or "You're just going to sleep." For a while after you put the baby in the crib, continue to do what you did while holding him in your arms - pat, whisper. The transition from your hands to your own bed will be less abrupt.

Eliminate visual stimuli. Visual stimuli - light, moving objects - are painful for an overworked infant, especially for "mimosa". Therefore, we shade the room before we put the baby in the crib, but for some children this is not enough. If your child is already lying down, place your palm over his eyes — do not place it over his eyes — to block out visual stimuli. If you are still holding him, stand motionless in the semi-darkness, and with a very overexcited child - in a completely dark room.

Do not follow the child's lead. An overworked baby is very difficult for parents to cope with. It takes endless patience and determination, especially if bad behavior while falling asleep is already a habit. The baby whimpers, the parents continue stroking him, the crying becomes louder. Overloaded with stimuli, the baby cries on the rise until it comes to a deafening cry - very clear: "I have no more strength!" Then he takes a breath, and everything starts anew. Crying usually builds up three times until the baby finally calms down. But already on the second run, many parents lose their nerves, and in despair they return to their usual "medicine", be it motion sickness, offering a breast or a terrible shaking chair.

This is where the problem lies. As long as you continue to interfere, the child needs your help to sleep. It doesn't take a lot of time for a baby to develop a crutch dependence - just a few times, because he still has a very short memory. The wrong start - and every day that you repeat your mistake will reinforce the unwanted behavior of the baby. I am often asked for help when the weight of a child reaches 6-7 kg and it becomes burdensome to shake him in his arms. The most serious problems arise when a child turns one and a half to two months. I always tell parents, “You have to understand what is going on and take responsibility for the child's bad habits because you created them. And then the most difficult thing will be: gain determination and persistently instill in the baby new, correct behavioral skills. " (For more on forming bad habits, see Chapter 9.)

Restful sleep until morning

The chapter on childhood sleep would be incomplete without talking about when babies stop waking up in the middle of the night.

Let me first remind you that your baby's “day” is 24 hours. She does not distinguish between day and night and has no idea what it means to "sleep until the morning without waking up." This is your desire (and need). Sleeping all night is not an innate property, but an acquired skill. You must train her to do this and give her an idea of \u200b\u200bthe difference between day and night. To this end, I give parents the following reminder tips.

Be guided by the principle "how much has left, so much has arrived." For example, if in the morning he was very capricious, and instead of the next feeding he sleeps up an extra half hour, you will leave him alone, knowing that he needs this rest (if he lived according to a rigid schedule, you would wake him up). But do not forget about common sense. Do not allow your baby to sleep for more than one feeding cycle during the day, that is, more than three hours, or he will not sleep at night. I guarantee that no baby who sleeps six hours in the day without a break will sleep for more than three hours at night. And if your child does this, you can be sure that he has confused day with night. The only way to "call him to order" is to wake him up, and his night sleep will arrive exactly as many hours as it has disappeared from the daytime.

"Fill tank full." It sounds rude, but for a baby to sleep through the night, he must have a full stomach. Therefore, from 6 weeks of age, I recommend the following two feeds: twin feeds - every two hours in anticipation of a night's sleep - and "sleepy" feeds just before you go to bed. For example, you give your baby a breast (or bottle) at 6:00 pm and 8:00 pm and have a “sleepy” feed at 10:30 pm or 11:00 pm. During this last feeding, the baby does not wake up, so its name should be taken literally. In other words, you gently take the baby in your arms, lightly touch her lower lip with a nipple or nipple, and let her be saturated, and your job is to try not to wake her up. When she's finished sucking, do without regurgitation. During "sleepy" feedings, babies are so relaxed that they do not swallow air. Remain silent. Do not change the diaper unless it is wet or stained. Thanks to these two tricks, most babies can do without night feeds, since they have consumed enough calories for five to six hours.

Council. "Sleepy" feeding of the artificial can be entrusted to the dad. At this time, most men are already at home, and they usually like this assignment.

Use a dummy. If the pacifier does not turn into a crutch, it is a great aid to help you skip the night feed. A child weighing 4.5 kg or more, consuming at least 700-850 g of formula milk or having six to eight breastfeeds during the day (four to five in the daytime and two to three paired before bedtime) does not need another feeding among nights so as not to starve to death. If he still wakes up, then it's all about the sucking reflex. This is where the dummy comes in handy if you use it correctly. Let's say your baby usually needs 20 minutes of night feeding. If, waking up crying, he demands a breast or a bottle and is content with five minutes, sucking some drops, it is better to give him a pacifier.

On the first night, he will most likely suck her for those very 20 minutes, until he falls into a deep sleep. The next night, perhaps, will cost 10 minutes, and on the third, he will not wake up at all at the usual night feeding time, but only tinker in his sleep. If he still wakes up, give him a dummy. In other words, instead of a bottle or breast, a pacifier is fine. Gradually, the baby will completely stop waking up for this.

This was the case with Cody, Juliana's son. Cody weighed 6.8 kg, and Juliana, after careful observation, realized that the boy wakes up at 3:00 out of habit. Cody sucked from the bottle for about 10 minutes and immediately fell asleep. Juliana asked me to visit, first of all, to make sure that her conclusion was correct (however, I understood from her description that she was right). In addition, she wanted Cody to stop waking up at this time. I spent three nights at their house. The first night I took Cody out of the crib and gave him a pacifier instead of a bottle, which he sucked for 10 minutes, as he used to suck on a bottle. The next night I left him in the crib, gave him a pacifier, and this time he sucked for only three minutes. On the third night, as you would expect, Cody whimpered a little at 3:15, but did not wake up. That's all! From that moment on, he slept peacefully until six or seven in the morning.

Don't run up to the child. The baby's sleep is intermittent, so it is unwise to respond to any sound. I often urge parents to get rid of the damned "baby monitors", amplified to convey to their ears any sigh or squeak of the baby. These gizmos turn parents into freaky alarmists! I never tire of repeating: you need to understand the difference between response and rescue. When parents are responsive to a child's needs, they grow up confident and unafraid to explore the world. But if his parents continuously “save” him, then he is imbued with doubts about his abilities. He does not develop the character traits and skills necessary to learn about the world and feel calm and comfortable in it.

The baby is gradually growing up, and the crib is still idle, because he is already accustomed to mother's warmth and strongly opposes moving to a new place. Not only the child is nervous, but also the mother, and the father is also unhappy.

If parents want to know how to teach a child to fall asleep on their own, then they should listen to the recommendations of pediatricians, psychologists and more experienced mothers who were able to survive the stage of accustoming a baby to a crib without any problems.

Parents, when choosing who the child should sleep with, often decide in favor of sleeping together.

In addition, many advocates of natural parenting also advocate a strong baby-mom bond, especially during the newborn period. But such a habit also has disadvantages.

pros

• a 1 month old baby constantly wakes up at night to get enough breast milk. It is not easy for a woman to get up every time, lift the baby out of bed, breastfeed and put him back;
• the largest volume of prolactin (the hormonal substance responsible for milk production) begins to be produced precisely at night. Lack of sleep, resulting from the constant motion sickness of the crumbs at night, negatively affects the volume and quality of the chest secretion;
• bodily contact between mother and newborn allows biological rhythms to be combined. Therefore, when falling asleep together, the mother and the baby rest together: after latching on to the breast, the child quietly sleeps, therefore, the parent also falls asleep.

Minuses

• a child at 4 months only seems small, on the parent's bed he can take up quite a lot of space. The father finds himself in such a situation "the third odd", so he is forced to move to the sofa. Naturally, this has a negative effect on the intimate side of the life of the spouses;
• if a child at 2 years old does not want to sleep in his bed, then it is extremely difficult to accustom him to a personal sleeping place. In addition, there is often a "split" of the family on this issue, when the father seeks to send the baby to a separate bed, and the mother, pitying her beloved little one, wants to delay the moment of "separation";
• baby hygiene is more serious, so any infection can increase its effects in a closed bed environment. In addition, if the dad smokes, the baby may even have allergic reactions to nicotine;
• very rarely, but still tragedies happen when a tired mother crushes the baby who is sleeping at her side. Of course, such situations are rare, but you should not forget about them and you should not go to bed tired with your child either.

Sharing sleep can help out in such a situation when adults feel a lack of communication with babies throughout the day. For example, when the mother goes to work literally 4 months after the birth of the baby and leaves during the day.

From the point of view of psychologists, children who slept in their parents' bed in infancy are more dependent on mom and dad. However, strong attachment is noted at an early age, then, if there is no excessive care in upbringing, relations will normalize.

The question of how to accustom a newborn to a crib almost never arises from parents, because if the child is put to sleep in his own sleeping place from the first days of life, then problems with weaning simply will not arise.

If the child, from the moment of birth, fell asleep with his parents or mother, weaning will be delayed. That is why it is necessary to choose the age that is most favorable from a psychological and physiological point of view.

During this period, the number of night feedings is significantly reduced, the baby can sleep all night without waking up. Also, at 6 months, the child turns over without the risk of suffocation and this process does not need special control.

However, this age period is just a recommended period, since it is imperative to look at the baby's features. Will be it is easier to teach a child to sleep in a crib if:

• the baby is able to sleep soundly at night (the number of night awakenings is 1 - 2 times);
• natural feeding has either already been stopped, or the mother is breastfeeding the baby three times a day;
• the baby does not cry or scream if he does not see mom and dad when he wakes up;
• he is able to remain alone for a quarter of an hour;
• he seeks to push himself away from his parents during sleep;
• the baby was born full-term, does not suffer from chronic diseases;
• weaning from the parental bed does not coincide with stressful moments (learning potty etiquette, the birth of a brother / sister, entering kindergarten, weaning).

Solving the problem of how to teach a child to sleep separately does not involve removing bodily contact with the mother, but demonstrating the benefits of independent sleep.

If the child does not want to sleep in the crib, perhaps the problem is in his separate sleeping place. In such a situation, you should purchase a special side bed.

This type of furniture is a regular cradle, but it lacks one side. Thus, the crib flows smoothly into the parent's bed, and vice versa.

With the help of special fasteners, the sleeping place for the child is installed on the same level with the adult bed. The baby, as it were, falls asleep separately, but is next to his mother.

A mother can breastfeed her baby at any time, without even having to get out of bed. Having fed, the child quickly closes his eyes, feeling the warmth of the mother's body. Mum's affectionate touch will also help to calm down.

When the baby grows up a little (for example, at 2 or 3 months), a small side is created in his bed from a diaper for some separation from the mother. After another 4 weeks, the wooden board returns to its place, usually during this time the child has time to get used to the sleeping place.

After a while, the bed is gradually moved away from the parent bed. This sequence allows you to avoid violent reactions from the child and prepare the mother psychologically for "parting" with her child.

How to accustom a child to his crib?

Of course, first of all, it is necessary to be attentive to the needs and desires of the baby. However, the interests of adults should not be forgotten either. So, the popular TV doctor Komarovsky is convinced that you should not sacrifice yourself to kids.

This means that you need to act decisively and take into account the interests of each household. After all, if mom or dad do not get enough sleep or wake up broken, no one will be better from this.

Transferring a child to a separate crib requires a consistent, patient approach and consideration of the child's age. Of course, the methods chosen will be different at 3 months or 3 years.

As already noted, the most favorable period for weaning a baby from the parental bed is the age of six months, plus or minus a few weeks.

In infancy, the baby tends to break with habits faster. What can be done in this case:

• experienced mothers are advised to closely monitor children's reactions. In order for the baby to fall asleep faster, you need to put him in the crib not according to the established schedule, but at the first signs of fatigue. Otherwise, an active child will start spinning in the cradle, reading for pens;
• you can influence the subconscious, creating a connection in the infant between a certain action and falling asleep. A baby already at 4 or 5 months is able to "trace" the connection between bathing, relaxing massage and going to bed. A lullaby before bedtime can also be a good ritual;
• a baby bed is a place designed exclusively for falling asleep. You need to feed, play with the baby in completely different corners;
• if the child falls asleep immediately after feeding, you need to put a diaper under the baby. After a quarter of an hour (when the baby is deeply asleep), you need to move the baby to bed. In addition, a soft diaper will retain the maternal scent, which will contribute to sound sleep;
• how to teach a newborn to sleep separately? Usually there are no problems with such a small baby. But for a good sleep, you can create the conditions for the baby to which he is accustomed in the mother's womb. Experienced mothers advise swaddling a baby up to 4 - 8 weeks, then this method already stops working.

If the child sleeps with his parents until about to sleep, then he learns to constantly contact with them. Therefore, touch is extremely important for him.

In order to wean a one-year-old child from sleeping with mom and dad as painlessly as possible, you need to try to compensate for the number of touches and tactile proximity throughout the day.

This will allow the baby to feel surrounded by tenderness and love. But psychologists advise against taking it on handles. It is better to just stroke, kiss, showing affection with the help of touch.

Children over 2 years old

If the parents did not manage to accustom the child to their own bed at 6 or 9 months, it cannot be said unequivocally that the good time has already been lost, and the baby will no longer get used to the new sleeping place.

• first advice: if the child does not sleep in the crib, you should gradually get used to the new sleeping place. Use the hint above - use an attached baby bed. The kid will be nearby, but separate from the parents. Then the bed is removed from the parent bed;
• it will be easier to accustom the child to the crib if you offer him to buy furniture himself. The shops have models in the form of a car, a magic palace, an airplane, a ship;
• for the purchased bed, you need to buy related accessories: a blanket, a sheet, a soft pillow, new pajamas. If the kid is wary of the darkness in the nursery, get a night light;
• peers will help to teach the baby to sleep, there is already a separate corner for sleeping. Make a visit so your child can see how other children are respectful and proud of their personal crib;
• the baby is more likely to get used to his crib if he sleeps in it during the day. When laying, you need to close the curtains, create a pleasant psychological atmosphere, for example, read a fairy tale or give your baby a massage. For sleep to come sooner, be sure to take a walk, let the child run around and get a little tired;
• when the baby gets used to it, you can already switch to a night's sleep in the crib. Turn on a night lamp to eliminate various fears, read fairy tales. During the day, you need to work with the child so that by dinner he already feels pleasant fatigue. However, make sure that children do not overwork.

It may sound a little strange, but, above all, the mother should want to sleep separately. During a joint stay in the same bed, a woman could get used to this position, and now, on a subconscious level, she does not want to part with her child.

So, we found out that mother's anxiety and psychological resistance are transmitted to children, as a result of which the child does not want to sleep in a separate bed or simply cannot sleep.

In order not to spoil the process of accustoming to a separate sleeping place, you need to avoid other common mistakes. For instance, you can't:

• intimidate children;
• refuse to turn on the night light;
• act in disagreement with your spouse. It is important to agree in advance with your husband about uniform requirements for the child;
• scream, use punishments if the child refuses to sleep in the crib;
• transferring a two- or three-year-old baby from the parent's bed to the baby's cradle, especially if it is in another room (this age period is the time when fears appear);
• teasing, calling names, laughing at childhood fears or unwillingness to sleep separately;
• discuss the current situation with other people, even if close ones, in the presence of the child;
• leave the baby crying in bed for a long time when he wakes up and does not see his mother (you should also not immediately run to another room at the first squeak);
• allow the baby to stay in the parent's bed. A trained child can try with the help of various tricks to sleep with mom and dad, manipulating their feelings (the exception is if the baby is sick).

If a replenishment is expected in the family soon, it is necessary to move the older child to a separate bed even before the younger family member is born.

Otherwise, it will seem to the first-born that the change of the place of spending the night is connected with the birth of a brother / sister, as a result of which protest reactions and constant bouts of jealousy may occur.

As a conclusion

If the question of how to teach your child to sleep separately from their parents seems too difficult for you, you can seek expert advice from a pediatrician or psychologist.

• it will be easier for a child to fall asleep alone if bed habituation takes place at the optimal age period - from six to eight months;
• the younger the toddler, the easier it is for him to adapt to the conditions of falling asleep. Newborn babies usually (but not always) sleep peacefully and without a mother;
• the best way to teach is a side bed, which allows you to be close to the child and at the same time maintain a certain distance;
• you should not delay moving to a personal baby bed until 2 - 3 years old. At such an "adult" age, the addiction process will be seriously delayed and become more painful;
• you cannot punish, scold the child, otherwise he will perceive falling asleep separately as a disciplinary measure, which is not very good for parent-child relations;
• it is important to bring the issue of children's sleep to a common denominator by discussing all the rules with other household members. The process of accustoming to a bed can be delayed if the grandmother puts the baby under her barrel.

As you know, every change in a child's life is not easy. However, if you follow all the important rules and conditions, then very soon the baby will enjoy sleeping in his own bed, and you will enjoy peace and tranquility, as well as full-fledged marital relations.

Dear mothers! 2 days ago I found on the site one interesting article, in my opinion an excerpt from a book on how to teach a child to sleep on their own in 1 week. In general, this article. I wish you all PATIENCE !!!
CHAPTER 1
The child does not sleep, therefore, we do not sleep either. What happens to those who don't sleep enough? A child is not a machine, and when you leave the hospital, you are not given instructions for him, as, for example, when buying a washing machine. Then everyone starts to give advice to parents (relatives, friends, neighbors, etc.), especially if they hear the baby crying. Many say: "We must wait out the first months, then he will sleep like all children, wherever he goes." Many people come up with reasons: at first they do not sleep because they are too small, then because of the tummy, then because of the teeth, etc. Some give advice: "Stop crying, in the end he will calm down and fall asleep." Parents come up with all sorts of individual methods: driving in the car, leaving to sleep under the TV, etc.
We must finally admit: sleep is a serious thing, and it must be treated from a professional point of view, since not all children learn to sleep on their own without assistance.
Implications of childhood sleep problems for a young child
- often cries
- often in a bad mood
- does not feel loved enough
- overly dependent on parents / grandmothers
- growth retardation is also possible
For a student
- decreased academic performance compared to ability
- uncertainty as a character trait
- shyness
- character problems
For the parents of such a child
- self-doubt (are we doing the right thing?)
- a feeling of guilt (poor thing, maybe she doesn’t sleep because she suffers from something, but we cannot help and then still get angry)
- mutual accusations of parents that the other is spoiling the child
- feeling confused before a problem
- the feeling that nothing can be done
- deep physical and mental fatigue
That is, the consequences of poor sleep are manifested in the behavior and character of the child.
The child does not sleep well - rests poorly - feels anxiety, small children do not calm down from excessive fatigue, but, on the contrary, are excited. A tired child who wants to sleep almost never asks to go to bed himself, but on the contrary, can demonstrate increased activity and excitability - often cries for no reason, easily gets into a bad mood and wants more attention from parents - begins to depend too much on who looks after him. In the future, this can lead to the formation of an insecure and timid character, to problems in communicating with others, to poor academic performance, etc.
The health effects of poor sleep are not yet fully understood, but it has been proven that sometimes poor sleep can lead to stunted growth, as growth hormones are produced during sleep (during the first hours of sleep)

The critical age is 5 years. If a child has not learned to sleep well before the age of 5, in adulthood he has a great chance of having insomnia, 5 years is the border. At this age, the child already understands well what the parents want. Many children at this age go to bed, do not cry, do not call their parents, but the problem is not resolved, as they continue to fall asleep with difficulty and often wake up, only now they keep it to themselves. In the worst cases, the child starts having nightmares and other night problems, he cries that he does not want to go to bed. From adolescence, insomnia remains for life.
Sometimes parents do not even understand the seriousness of this problem, they think that everything will pass with age. In fact, 35% of children suffer from sleep problems under 5 years of age. But these data are underestimated, since many parents believe that it is normal if a child from 6 months to 2-3 years (and sometimes further) does not want to go to sleep, wakes up 3-5 times at night, explaining this by hunger, desire to drink, write, etc. Therefore, surveys often do not give correct results. 35% - statistics from our sleep treatment center.
From 6-7 months, a child is able to sleep alone in his room, in absolute darkness, and for 10-12 hours without waking up and not requiring the presence of adults.
If your child is awake, as described above, it is natural that you ask yourself: what is happening, what is wrong? Why then does our child not sleep?
Forget those excuses that you used before: gas (disappears by 4-5 months), teeth, hunger, thirst, too much energy, went to kindergarten, etc. The reason is 98% the same: your child has not yet learned to sleep! Like this? -you ask. - What does it mean?
You will discover this for yourself in the following chapters. If you literally follow all our instructions, then in less than one week your child will turn into a night sleepyhead.
Before reading the other chapters, you must convince yourself of the following things:
- your child is not sick (if he sleeps badly - this is not a disease and it cannot be treated with medications: valerian, motherwort decoctions, etc.)
- your child does not have any psychological problems (excuses such as: wakes up because he feels parting with his parents, etc.)
-your child is not spoiled (even if everyone is trying to convince you otherwise). If he sleeps badly, this is by no means the consequences of being spoiled, even if this is expressed in the fact that he constantly requires the attention of his parents, wants to be lulled, rocked, carried in his arms, read to him, etc.
-If your child does not sleep well, it is not your fault.
Our book will help you teach your child how to sleep.
The 3-4 hour baby cycle consists of the following elements; food-sleep-hygiene (change diapers, etc.) The order can change (hygiene-sleep-food). Sometimes anarchist newborns are met. They don't even follow this simple pattern, that is, they fall asleep and wake up without any logic.
About 3-4 months (sometimes even a little earlier), babies usually begin to readjust to a cycle of 24 (25) hours, the so-called solar cycle. Therefore, he begins to sleep more at night. At first, the baby is able to sleep at night only 3-4 hours without waking up, then 5-6, then 7-8 and, finally, 10-12 hours. ATTENTION: there are no clear rules for the relationship between sleep duration and age, it all depends on the individual characteristics of your baby. This habituation to the adult cycle is associated with the development of a specific area of \u200b\u200bthe brain, conventionally called the "internal clock".
To properly adjust this internal biological clock, certain external stimuli are necessary (light-darkness, noise-silence, eating schedule, certain habitual actions, etc.) Therefore, it is better for a newborn to sleep during the day with light light and little noise, and at night in silence and complete darkness. This is how the child begins to get used to the difference between night and day.
Thus, the child must be surrounded by certain external stimuli for correct orientation. In a nutshell, it boils down to two aspects:
Parental behavior
-feeling of confidence
-calmness
- patience and desire to teach the child to sleep
-repeatability in evening procedures
External elements
-bed
-nipple
-toy (bear, dog, doll, etc., with which you can sleep)
Parental behavior
The child is very sensitive to the internal psychological state of the parents. He perfectly understands if mom is nervous or worried about something. Therefore, when you put your baby in the crib, try to be as calm as possible for this half hour and demonstrate with all your behavior that it cannot be otherwise, that it is natural and wonderful to go to sleep. You can't change the way you put it in the crib. Everything should always be practically the same (within reasonable limits). That is, at a certain hour everything should be repeated: you bathe him, then feed him, then change his diaper for the night, put him in his crib, turn off the light, wish him good night and go out. The order of your actions may be different, the main thing is that it should be repeated every evening.
Repetition gives the child confidence. He knows what will happen in 5-10 minutes, then in half an hour, and he feels safe. The kid is not alarmed, does not expect unexpected surprises, and therefore calms down. If on different days the child fits into the crib by different persons (mother, grandmother, etc.), adults should agree among themselves not to change the order of procedures and try to do everything in the same way as possible.
External elements
The child must associate certain things with sleep. If you put a child to sleep by rocking him in your arms, he understands that rocking is a dream. Accordingly, as soon as you stop pumping it, it wakes up and in order to fall asleep again, it needs motion sickness. If the baby falls asleep at the breast, he gets used to the fact that food is a dream. And he will fall asleep only at the sissy or with a bottle in his mouth. Accordingly, as soon as he feels that there is nothing in his mouth, he will wake up. At night, everyone, adults and children, wakes up for a few seconds. Usually, a person then falls asleep and in the morning does not even remember about it. In older people, these awakenings can last longer than 30 seconds and reach 3-4 minutes. In a normal situation, a person remembers that he woke up only under exceptional circumstances. A normal child wakes up at night (for a few seconds) 5-8 times, and a child with problem sleep and more. If the child, when he opens his eyes for a moment, finds everything the same as it was when he fell asleep, he automatically falls asleep and sleeps on. If he is used to sleeping in a wheelchair around the house, he will expect to be in the wheelchair and ride around the house. If he fell asleep at his mother's breast, he will look for the breast. If dad fell asleep in his arms, he will look for dad, etc. If, opening his eyes at night, the baby does not find exactly the same situation in which he fell asleep, he is frightened and cries to call his parents. In the worst case, she will not be able to fall asleep without repeating her favorite situation.
An example for you: you fell asleep in your bed. At night you open your eyes for a second and you see that you are on the couch in the living room. You jump on the couch: what happened ?? !!! Why am I here??? The same thing happens with the child. As you understood, the child needs external elements, and here - attention - the mistake of most parents is that they choose the elements that require their presence. A child cannot prepare a bottle for himself, cannot walk around the house in a stroller, etc. Therefore, these are incorrectly selected items.
Therefore, it is necessary to choose such elements that can stay with the child all night and that do not require our intervention. It can be a teddy bear, a pacifier, his pillow, a blanket. The child should always fall asleep only in his own bed, etc.
Let's talk about this in more detail below.
Things to never do while trying to put a baby to sleep (over 6 months old)
-sing
- pump in the crib
-Download on hands
- swing in a stroller
-take by car
-touch him, give him a hand, let him touch us
- caress, iron on the head
-Parents bedding
-allow him to jump around the bed / room until exhaustion in the hope that later he will fall asleep faster
-giving food and drink
Takeaway: Never actively help your child sleep. He must learn to fall asleep himself.

A newborn sleeps differently from a 4-month-old baby, and he does not sleep like a 2-year-old baby. Sleep patterns develop over time with age. In this chapter, we will explain to you what to expect from your little one at a certain age. If you give proper attention to sleep and falling asleep from birth, you will have no problems in the future.
How to teach a newborn. The main thing to know is that the newborn sleeps as much as he needs - no less, no more. He can fall asleep anywhere and with any noise. As mentioned above, its cycle is usually 3-4 hours. I ate, slept, poop, changed clothes, etc. If your newborn does not follow any pattern, do not worry - this is completely normal. At this stage, food and sleep are closely related, so the baby wakes up because he wants to eat and falls asleep because he is full. However, you need to be careful here: if a baby is crying, this does not necessarily mean that he is hungry (many mothers immediately breastfeed, since this is the easiest way to calm the baby, but this is wrong). First (if the child has recently eaten - the interval should be 3-4 hours) try to find other reasons: is he hot? coldly? is he wet? wants to handle? tired of noisy society? tummy hurts? Only then give him a breast. If you breastfeed him every time he cries, the baby will get used to associating the breast with sleep and reassurance. He will get used to the fact that in order to calm down, you need to eat. Already in a few weeks, babies are able to eat more than they need. If you give him your milk, there is no medical problem, but it still leads to wrong habits, since the feeling of sleep and hunger is controlled by the same part of the brain. In addition, such children grow into adults who, when they are nervous, begin to eat everything in order to calm down. If you feed him artificial milk, then feeding too often can lead to obesity in early childhood or adulthood.
It is not yet time for the hard introduction of timetables. However, we advise you to show your child the difference between sleep and wakefulness. If he is awake, take him on handles, play with him, talk. If he is awake, try not to keep him in the crib. This will help him understand that the crib is a place to sleep (see the previous chapter on external elements).
During the day, put him to bed in light light, and at night do not leave the night light on. This will help your child understand the difference between night and day.
During the day, do not walk on tiptoe, even if the baby fell asleep, at night try not to make noise behind the wall or in the same room. During the day you can vacuum, play the piano, etc. In the evening, when the baby is already in the crib, turn down the sound on the TV, etc.
Redeem it before bed. Some parents will prefer to bathe their baby in the morning, but if it is more convenient for you to do it in the evening, the baby will have another outer element associated with sleep. He quickly gets used to going to bed after the bath.
Provide him with maximum sleep comfort. If he has just eaten, hold him upright to let the air out of his stomach. Change it, check that the bed is not too cold, that the room is about 20 degrees.
From the very birth, the baby should get used to sleeping on its own. Try not to rock him in your arms. Try not to associate food too much with sleep. However, if at this age it still does not work out, do not be upset. Your baby is still too young. Use common sense. In any case, it is useless to leave your baby crying for hours.
Many babies start sleeping 5-7 hours a night or earlier, but by 3-4 months all babies should be sleeping. At this age, the biological rhythm changes. If initially you did not follow any rules (rocked the child, gave him a breast to lull him to sleep), now the time has come to gradually change these habits.
Remember:
-you should be calm while laying the baby
-Help him associate some external elements with the hour of going to bed, it is necessary to perform the same actions every night before going to bed. Remember that for a child, repeatability means a sense of security.
This is the age when you have to decide at what time the baby should go to the crib. From a biological point of view, sleep in children is easiest in the summer from 20.30 to 21.00, and in the winter from 20.00 to 20.30 Choose daily procedures that you will then repeat every evening: bathing, changing diapers, 10 minutes of quiet games with dad, etc. .d. Pay attention to how your baby reacts to bathing - if he doesn't like the water or is too excited, only have a short bath before bed, or transfer them altogether in the morning. It is better not to let your baby eat next to the bed to separate food and sleep. Spend a few minutes with your baby in another room (where he does not sleep), talk to him, play quiet games, etc. Then put him in the crib with his things - you can choose what you want; teddy bear, doll, nipple (a few are better, then it will be easy to find at night, for example, tie 4 nipples to the edges of a large handkerchief) The main thing is that what you give him can stay with him all night and does not require your repeated intervention. Kiss the baby, wish him good night. Then leave the room while the child is still awake.
If you do everything right, the baby will enjoy the time before bed, he will recognize him and go to bed without any problems. However, if your baby, despite your efforts, does not give in to "education", do not worry: it is too early to talk about childhood insomnia until 6-7 months. It's just that your baby needs more time to transition to the adult cycle.
If he wakes up frequently at night, check:
- did you get sick?
- too wrapped up or is he cold?
- pee or poop?
- does not eat enough before going to bed? (if he is hungry, he should not eat at night, but the last meal should be larger)
- did the baby have gas (colic)? If so, he is used to waking up with abdominal pain.
Help him. You can shake it, caress it and put it back in the crib. However, remember that your goal is to teach him how to fall asleep himself.
Attention: in the first weeks of life, a child never cries for no reason. Therefore, we must immediately try to understand what the matter is and help him. However, you will soon notice that the baby has different types of crying: he is protesting, he is hungry, he is wet, he is angry, he is bored, etc. Once you learn to distinguish between crying for serious reasons and simple whimpering, don't run to your baby every time because of nonsense. Wait a few minutes - maybe he can go to sleep again.
From 6 months, any child should sleep less during the day (usually twice: after breakfast 1-2 hours and after lunch 2-3 hours) and more at night. At 7 months, the child should already have a meal-sleep schedule (eating 4-5 times a day, sleeping 10-12 hours at night without waking up).
If your baby is 6-7 months old, and he is not yet accustomed to such a regime, start "education".
For a baby 6-7 months old is normal
- established regular meal-sleep schedule
- eats 4-5 times a day
- sleeps 10-12 hours at night
- goes to bed willingly and without problems
If your child fits this description, don't relax too much, as all the little details can easily ruin a young child's good sleeping habits. Try to maintain a regular meal-and-sleep routine and repeat activity before going to bed.
From the age of 7-9 months, the baby will not fall asleep if he is too tired. At this age, children know how not to fall asleep, even if they are very tired. Sometimes because they want to stay longer with their parents, sometimes because they are too tired or excited, etc. Don't let yourself be persuaded. Put your baby to bed at the same time, repeating the same steps. Try not to stretch your steps to lay the baby for an hour (baby's dream). Children who already know how to speak quickly learn to bribe their parents: one more kiss, read one more fairy tale, just one, etc., I am thirsty, I want to write ... If the child really insists on another fairy tale, read him a famous fairy tale ... Do not read anything interesting and exciting to him at night! It prevents him from falling asleep!
After a year, the baby gradually switches from two daytime dreams to one. This is a difficult time, since there is a period when one dream is not enough, and two is a lot, but the problem disappears in 1-2 months. After lunch, the child should sleep up to 4 years old, and preferably until 5-6. Many parents and caregivers allow their child not to sleep as early as 3 years old. This is too early. A child at three years old is able to stay awake during the day, but in this case he gets too tired in the evening, he has too deep sleep, which in turn can lead to various problems (nightmares, etc.).
When we understand that the child has learned to sleep. The baby can sleep well even at 10 months old, without any visible problems. However, at least until the age of 5, you need to be careful, since some event (moving, the appearance of a brother, etc.) can destroy good habits. As soon as you notice problems arising, use the method described in Chapter 4. So our advice is: even if your child already knows how to sleep, be careful, follow the evening routines and schedule.
One final note: be realistic !!!
Many parents do not know how to be realistic and want the impossible from their children. If your child slept less than the norm for his age in the first month of life, then even three years after applying our method, he will sleep less. If he has learned to sleep, he will go to bed without problems, he will not wake up at night, he will sleep for 10 hours. But he will not become a dormouse if he is not a dormouse by nature!
Many parents rejoice when their children sleep a lot during the day (finally, you can go about your business!). The child cannot sleep 4-5 hours after lunch and 12 hours at night! Even if it is very pleasant for you that the child is sleeping, wake him up after 2-3 hours of sleep. A child should never sleep during the day without waking up more than 3 hours!
Other parents put their toddler to bed at 8pm and want him to wake up at 10am. A child is not a clockwork robot! He has his own biological rhythms, they must be respected, not destroyed!
The ideal pajama is one that keeps your child cool and can sleep without a blanket. Little children always open up at night
CHAPTER 4

Let's start at the beginning, or how to fix your child's sleeping habit. What is normal for a baby and what is not? When can we talk about childhood insomnia?
Many parents consider it normal to get up at night 2-3, or even 4-5 times to a one and a half year old child to give him a bottle. But this is NOT the NORM, just like the case when an 8-month-old baby does not sleep until midnight without any signs of fatigue, or when a one-year-old baby starts screaming loudly as soon as the mother, having put him in the crib, wants to leave the room.
From 6-7 months of age, all children should be able to:
- go to bed without crying and with joy
- fall asleep on your own without assistance alone in the room
- sleep 10-12 hours without a break
- sleep in your bed (and not in your parents' bed), in the dark without the included night light
This description applies to all healthy children if they do not have colic (which usually go away by 4-5 months), milk intolerance, acute respiratory infections, bronchitis, etc. If your baby is already 6 months old and is not sick, but has not yet learned to sleep all night, he may have problems with childhood insomnia in the future.
Children's insomnia is explained by:
- in 98% of cases, the wrong sleeping habit
- in 2% of psychological problems (see the end of the chapter)
Childhood insomnia caused by poor habits has the following characteristics:
- the child cannot sleep on his own without assistance
- wakes up at night (from 3 to 15 times) and cannot fall asleep again and requires parental help (motion sickness, bottle, etc.)
- shallow sleep - the slightest noise can wake him up
- sleeps fewer hours than indicated in the table for his age
In such cases, parents resort to auxiliary methods: shake the baby, pat on the head, give food, drink, etc. The kid eventually falls asleep, but the problem is that when he wakes up again, he has to start all over again.
If you decide to change this situation, you must follow the following rule: you must strictly follow our instructions, follow them literally, the slightest deviation or change can lead to failure!
What do you need to develop the right sleeping habits? Let's repeat the general rules:
- parents should be calm and confident in what they are doing, and also always follow the same pattern in behavior when laying the baby down, create a ritual.
- the child should associate the dream with external elements that can remain with him all night: a crib, a bear, a pacifier, a favorite blanket, etc.
So, let's forget the past and imagine that our baby was born today.
Let's start by choosing the outer elements. Remember that they should stay with the baby all night (that is, they should not be dangerous, too small so that he can swallow them, hard so that he does not hit in a dream, etc.) and that they should not require our presence (for example , a bottle of tea is not suitable as someone has to refill it at night). With a child 2-5 years old, you can prepare a drawing to hang over the bed. After dinner, dad (mom) says to the kid: "We go into the room, draw a beautiful picture." The kid himself can draw a sun or a cloud over the house, and dad can add a bird or a tree, etc. Mom can prepare a carousel to hang over the bed (just cut a doll out of paper, an airplane, make a ball of shiny paper and hang it over the bed with a rope or elastic band). You don't have to create masterpieces, you can just buy something suitable. The main thing is that the child has something fundamentally new, which did not exist before and what he likes.
If you used to put him to bed differently every night, now you need to create a ritual. Decide for yourself what is more convenient for you: swimming, dinner, half an hour of playing and going to bed. What you decide now, you will have to do the same every night.
Let me give you some tips. In accordance with natural biological rhythms, it is best to give your child a meal according to the following schedule: breakfast at about 8, lunch at about 12, afternoon tea at about 16 and dinner at about 20. Try not to deviate too much from this schedule, as these are biological rhythms of children. In any case, if for some reason you cannot adhere to this whole schedule, remember: the child most easily falls asleep in winter at 20.00 - 20.30, and in summer at 20.30 - 21.00. This is due to the peculiarities of the brain of babies.
The first day of re-education. So, you have everything ready, the schedule and evening ritual are selected. After dinner, dad (mom, grandmother) play quiet games with the baby for 10-15 minutes, then they hang the drawing together over the bed. They explain that this is a poster, and that he will sleep with the baby all night. If the baby is still sleeping with a pacifier, buy him several, lay them on the crib so that it is easy for the baby to find at least one in the dark. If you do not think about this moment, the baby will wake you up at night so that you can help him find a pacifier and then - goodbye, re-education!
The second step: mom or dad choose a toy from those that the baby already has and give him a name. After that, they say to the baby: This is your friend Mishka (Petya and others). He will sleep with you all night. Do not let the baby choose: remember, we know how to sleep and teach him, and not he us, now you decide. Even if your child is 4 years old, in this situation we must treat him like a newborn who still does not know anything and does not know how.
If you have to deprive your baby of something that he had before (a bottle, etc.), explain to him that his new night friends are replacing old ones and that they will stay with him all night and in the morning when he wakes up. with him.
Remember
-the requests and demands of the baby at the time of bedding can affect the correct sleeping habits
-the child should not tell his parents how he should sleep and what he needs for this, in this situation, parents are teachers, and children learn to sleep, and not vice versa. The calm, confident tone of the parents should show this to the children.
So, the moment has come to put your baby in the crib. Act like you do it every day. Calmly change your baby, put him in the crib and cover. Do not expect the baby to close its eyes, turn on its side and snore. Firstly, the baby has not yet been “re-educated,” and secondly, he has already realized that you have prepared some kind of surprise for him. Most likely, he will immediately jump to his feet and start screaming in a wild voice as soon as he realizes that mom wants to leave the room. Do not try to lay it down again immediately. Sit next to the bed or take him on your lap and tell him: “Kitty, mom and dad want to teach you how to sleep. Look, you are not left alone: \u200b\u200bwith you your bear, drawing, etc. They will all sleep with you all night. " This speech will take 0.5 to 2 minutes. Depends on what you include on the list (curtains, bike next to the crib, etc.). The main thing is not to get irritated and speak calmly. It does not matter at all whether the child understands well what you are telling him. Most likely, during all your speech, the child will scream as if cut in the hope that he will be able to return the old days. Ignore the crying, keep talking. These are moments that require willpower and courage from you. Your little one will be ready for anything so as not to lose their "privileges". Here is just a short list of what the children were capable of in our practice in order to pity their parents and return "their happy past": the children cried, made sad faces, asked to drink, write and eat, threw tantrums with hiccups, caused themselves to vomit, poop etc.
Despite all this performance that your baby will arrange for you, you should not lose your calmness and remember: you are teaching him to sleep, not he you. You are doing this for his future, for his health, and for your nervous system.
After your short speech above, put your baby back in bed.
Attention: after this point, it cannot be touched until the next morning. If he gets up again, ignore it. Say: "Good night, fish (pussy, etc.)", turn off the light and leave the room. Leave the door almost completely closed (small click to hear what is happening).
Attention: it makes no difference whether the baby is 6 months old or 5 years old. The only difference is how he can fight you. A six-month-old baby can only cry, while a 4-5-year-old can talk, scream, beg, get out of bed, etc. In this case, we advise you to organize some kind of barrier to exit the room.
Do not lock the door with a key, etc. It can terrorize your child! Do not be afraid if he falls asleep on the floor, etc. Firstly, children rarely do this, as they love convenience, and secondly, even in this case, the goal is achieved - the baby fell asleep himself. Then you just need to put him in the crib.
Up to this point, we have considered the point of view of adults. But how does the baby feel in such a situation?
Children communicate with adults according to a certain pattern: action-reaction. Children do certain things because they expect certain reactions. Consider the situation: a baby is six months old. They put him in the bed, he begins to sing "ah-ah-ah" and clap his hands. What will mom and dad say? "What a bunny!" And they will go about their business. But the same baby starts screaming like a cut, turns brown-red or purple, hiccups. What are parents doing? They run: “Bunny, are you feeling bad? What happened to you? Does your tummy hurt? Teeth being cut? Kitty, now mom (dad) will shake you (vilify on the arms, etc.). " What does the baby like more: lying alone in the crib or being the center of attention of all relatives? What will the baby do the next time he wants the attention of his parents? What will a 4-5 year old child do? He has enough imagination to make his parents step back first!
Let's go back to the bedding process. What will our 4 year old baby do once we give him his bear? Perhaps throw it to the floor. If you pick him up and give him again, what will he do? Throw the bear on the floor again. If we continue like this, who will win? Kid!!! Because he took a certain action and achieved the desired reaction. You fell for his bait! If your baby threw a bear, pacifier, blanket, pillow on the floor, and you continue to speak calmly, then collect everything, put it in his bed, turn around and leave the room despite his wild cries, who will win?
Another example: you put your baby in the crib, and he immediately rises to his feet. You put it down again, it rises again. You don't want to lay him down all night, but he wants to continue this game as long as possible, because in this way he completely takes over your attention. So put him in the crib and leave the baby alone. If he wants to go up, let him go up as much as he wants.
What else can your baby do to get your attention? "Thirsty", "ah-ah", "bo-bo", etc. The child may even vomit. Do not be alarmed, nothing happens to him. Wash it, change the sheet and put it back in the crib. You may be nervous (but don't show it outwardly). Remain outwardly calm and determined: your child must learn to sleep. The kid can also scream and cry like a cut (then tell neighbors that his ears hurt, the poor thing). In such a situation, the baby may cry so loudly that the windows of the neighbors on the contrary may clink. But take courage and hold on: your "war" has just begun, and fortunately it will only last a few days. However, we cannot leave the baby crying for long. Why? Because “re-educating” does not mean punishing. Usually, parents are advised to leave the baby crying until he falls asleep from fatigue. Never do that!
When you first leave the room, take a look at the clock: until the baby falls asleep, you will have to return to his room from time to time. REMEMBER, you are not coming back to calm him down, or to make him stop crying, or to put him to sleep. And only to show him that you have not left him. How often should you return to your baby? Consider the table below, it all depends on the day of re-education and what time you return. The table shows the intervals in minutes.
How many minutes should I wait before returning to the room where the baby is crying?
1 day -1 min (1 time) 3 min (2 times) 5 min all subsequent times
Day 2 - 3 minutes (1 time) 5 minutes (2 times) 7 minutes all subsequent times
Day 3 - 5 minutes (1 time) 7 minutes (2 times) 9 minutes all subsequent times
Day 4 - 7 minutes (1 time) 9 minutes (2 times) 11 minutes all subsequent times
Day 5 - 9 minutes (1 time) 11 minutes (2 times) 13 minutes all subsequent times
6 day - 11 minutes (1 time) 13 minutes (2 times) 15 minutes all subsequent times
Day 7 - 1Z min (1 time) 15 min (2 times) 17 min all subsequent times
Note: This table should be used both in the evening and at night if the baby wakes up at night.
What should a parent who has returned to a baby do? I must once again tell him in a calm voice: “Zolotko, I have to sleep. Mom and Dad will teach you how to sleep now. You will sleep with your teddy bear and pacifier, etc. Good night". If the baby has got out of the crib by this time, you must put him there again. If the kid is not able to get out, you need to stop far enough from him so that he cannot cling to us. After this little speech, you must calmly leave the room. When you return to your baby, you don't need to turn on the light. If the baby is crying, do not react, continue your speech and then get out.
Never wait longer than indicated in the table; the worst thing for a baby is to think that his parents do not like him and that they have abandoned him. At the same time, try to gather all your strength and, although your heart will shed tears, try to gain strength for a few days and follow all the instructions: the results will exceed all your expectations!
Your return will help the baby to understand that he will not achieve anything with tears and screams, and then that going to bed is not so scary. How long can your baby cry? Depends on the specific case. The most stubborn, however, usually do not scream for more than 2 hours. Many give up in an hour. If the baby wakes up at night, everything must be done as in the evening. The child does not understand the schedules, does not understand the difference between night and evening, so you have to go in and out again and say the same words
Psychological problems - 2% when the method does not work. The reasons can be temporary, such as: divorce, parents are especially nervous because of any serious problems, moved to sleep from their parents' room to a separate one, a brother was born, went to kindergarten, saw a terrible movie on TV, etc. It is necessary to determine what the cause is and try to eliminate or weaken it. Because of the movie, the first day in kindergarten, etc. the child may sleep poorly for 2-3 days. Problems that last for a long time should be treated by a psychotherapist or neuropathologist. For more details see. See chapter 7.

How long should the baby sleep? Children are all different. There are dormouse among them, and there are those who sleep much less than the norm. Here are the average data - how many hours a day your child should sleep: 1 week ... 16-17 hours, 3 months .... 15 hours, 6 months ... 14 hours, 12 months .... 13 hours 45 minutes, 18 months ... 13 hours 30 minutes, 2 years ... 13 hours, 3 years ... 12 hours, 4 years ... 11 hours 30 minutes, 5 years .... 11 hours.
Your baby can sleep up to two hours more or two hours less. If the baby does not meet the specified standards, pay attention to the following points.
The baby sleeps less than normal and:
- easily irritated
- capricious
- sometimes looks sleepy
- has difficulty concentrating attention, often seems inattentive
- there are moments when he looks absently at one point
If a baby sleeps less than normal and has any of the above behavioral features, then he should sleep more. If he sleeps less than normal, but he does not have any of the above signs, then everything is in order and your child just needs less sleep.
The baby sleeps more than normal and:
- gains in height and weight according to the norms
- attentive
- active when awake
If you answered “yes” to all three questions, do not worry, fate gave you a baby dormouse. ”If you answered“ no ”to at least one question, talk to your pediatrician about it and check the child's health.
How to change your baby's day regimen? There are babies who sleep a lot during the day, but little at night. Or those who willingly go to bed at 7 pm, but wake up at 5 am. In such cases, you can gradually change their mode according to your wishes.
If your baby sleeps a lot during the day and little at night, do not let him sleep a lot during the day, even if it is convenient for you. Find in the table how much you should sleep according to age, estimate how many hours you want him to sleep during the day and how many at night. Make a schedule. In any case, it is better not to let the baby sleep more than 2-3 hours during the day (if he sleeps only once during the day). Ideal - 10-12 hours at night, the rest during the day. For instance:
18 months - daily sleep 13.30 (at night 11 and day 2.30 or at night 12 and day 1.30)
If your toddler falls asleep at 7pm and wakes up too early, you can move his schedule by sending him to bed half an hour later in the week. That is, the first week he will go to bed at 7.30, the second at 8.00 and the third at 8.30. In any case, it is better to put him in bed no later than 8.30-9.00. We repeat, even if it is convenient for you, the habit of going to bed late for small children in the future can develop into serious problems. See the previous chapters for an ideal schedule. If half an hour is too much for the baby, shift sleep by 15 minutes a week (7.00 - 7.15-7.30, etc.) Everything else (evening procedures before bedding) should remain the same.
CHAPTER 6

Nocturnal restlessness may wake the baby or not. This state of half-sleep: sleepwalking, nightmares, phobias, bruxism, night delirium, swaying movements. In childhood, these problems are usually not pronounced, the critical age is from 3 to 6 years.
Sleepwalking (sleepwalking). A classic example: a five-year-old toddler gets out of bed, turns on the light, goes to the bathroom instead of using the toilet and pees in the bathtub or shoe, returns to bed, turns off the light and falls asleep. The next day he doesn't remember anything. Usually occurs in the first half of sleep. The reasons are unknown, there is no cure either. It is usually hereditary and passes by adolescence. At night, the child automatically repeats the actions that he does during the day. He has no clarity of consciousness and therefore is “wrong”. But this is not a dangerous deviation.
You only need to take precautions. The sleepwalker is never thrown out of the window, but can get out of it, mistaking him for the door. Don't wake up the child. If he wanders around the apartment, try to put him back in bed without getting him out of his state. Talk to him in simple phrases like: "Come here, go to bed." Remember, even if his eyes are open, he is deeply asleep.
Nightmares. They happen in the second half of sleep (if the baby goes to bed at 8 pm, then after 2 am). These are terrible dreams. The child wakes up screaming, all frightened, but can explain what scared him: "I was bitten by a dog, Vasya beat me", etc. Parents can reassure him: "Sleep, you see, there is no dog here." Usually, these phenomena are associated with events in the baby's life that bother him. Usually resolves in a few days. If the problem persists, nightmares remain. For example, if you force your baby to eat and every meal becomes torture for him. If your child has nightmares, you don't need to go to the doctor, you should try to calm him down when he wakes up, and then understand what caused them and try to eliminate the cause. Don't take your baby to your bed.
Night phobias (fears). In the first half of sleep. The kid suddenly starts screaming, it seems that something is tormenting him very much. The parent is caught by a pale, sweating baby who does not recognize the parents. If the parents do not know about these problems, they may think that the baby is dying. It usually lasts from 3 to 10 minutes. The kid does not understand what is happening, as he is sleeping deeply. You need to be with him, waiting for the attack to pass. The next day he doesn't remember anything. If the baby recognizes you and immediately calms down, then this is either a bad dream, or a trick to attract your attention.
Bruxism (teeth grinding). Check with your dentist if this is harmful to your teeth. Although parents are impressed, this is not a problem, it will go away over time.

Night delirium. In the early morning, the baby can laugh, talk, cry and scream in his sleep. Not scary, the only problem is that such screams can wake up the baby himself.
Rocking motion. Example: banging his head against a pillow, lying on his stomach and swinging. Typically 9 months to 2 years. Usually okay. If it sways during the day, check with a psychotherapist.
Snore. Snore from 7% to 10% of children. If in a dream because of this, it is difficult for the baby to breathe and he sleeps, breathing through his mouth, contact a specialist.

CHAPTER 7
Questions and answers,
or how to solve the most common problems.

When is the best time to start re-educating your baby? Now and only now. Of course, only under certain conditions:
-Both parents agree to see the case through
-Both parents carefully read the book and understood every action well
-Both parents have a good idea of \u200b\u200bhow to react at any moment.
If one of the parents does not feel ready, it is better not to start, as confidence and calmness are needed for success. Let's repeat: children perfectly feel the mood of adults nearby. There is no need to start training and at the time of the move, at least the first 10 days, the baby should always sleep in the same place. Other reasons for postponing the event: guests who live in your house. Because there is nothing worse than the comments of visiting relatives and friends: “Poor thing, how she is straining. Are you absolutely sure what you are doing? " or: “Now young people want everything easy. No patience at all. In our time, parents knew how to endure and not sleep, if required for the child. He's so small! " As an obstacle, there are also neighbors who, from caustic remarks and sympathetic sighs, can reach threats: "We will call the police that you are mocking the child!"
For neighbors, we recommend doing this: choose the most actively interfering in your affairs and call them in advance. Say: “Our poor thing caught otitis media, we want to apologize in advance for his night crying. The pediatrician said that for several days he would be in great pain and he would not be able to sleep. "
Who Should Do Sleep Reeducation? Mama? Dad? Grandmother? Nanny?
It doesn't matter who. It is important that those who put the child to bed (day or night) are well acquainted with the instructions. Adults can change (grandmother in the afternoon, mom in the evening). It is important that everyone acts the same. In the evening, you can take turns: once mom comes in, the other - dad.
Can a child sleep with grandparents?
Parents are created to raise children, grandparents - to pamper their grandchildren. This means that at least 10 days must elapse from the beginning of the re-education before leaving the baby with the grandmother. Do not try to convince your grandmother to act the same way with you: it is usually useless. This is logical, given that their role is different. The grandmother needs to be explained only the basic rules: what time the baby goes to bed, that it is not necessary to put him to sleep and that he must not forget all his things (bear, pacifier, etc.). Grandmothers usually do what they think is right anyway. Do not fight with them about this. Toddlers are much smarter than they seem: they immediately understand that their grandmother has different rules than at home. When your child is sleeping in your home, behave as usual.
However, if the baby sleeps with the grandmother every day, she will have to familiarize herself with these rules and follow them, otherwise it will not work to teach the child to sleep.
Everyone who takes care of the baby every day must follow these rules.
What if my baby is vomiting or pooping / peeing to keep her parents at her crib?
Children often vomit in order to gain parental sympathy. Even if this has never happened before, don't worry. DON'T BE ANGRY (or at least don't show it). Our goal is to teach the child to sleep, not to punish him. Change your baby's clothes, put him back in the crib, say something like: “You see, bunny, you are so angry that we teach you to sleep that you even ... pee / pooped / made himself vomit. Look, here are your toys, your bear, your nipple, they will sleep with you all night. " And leave the room. Do not stop, even if during all this time the baby screams like a cut. Act as if nothing strange is happening and the baby is calm. Remember: all your baby's actions are aimed at getting extra attention. He wants to drink, sit in his arms, etc. Don't give him the desired result. Be calm and continue your line.
Don't change it right away, wait a few minutes. Otherwise, the baby will start writing every three seconds. Pissing - mom runs, changes clothes - the baby gets attention immediately - his goal is achieved!
Is it possible to re-educate a child if he is sick or sick after the start of upbringing?
If the baby is sick, it is better to leave him alone and wait until he recovers. If you get sick after starting, you will have to go to him every time he cries, especially if he has a fever. Give him some water to drink. But remember; you give him a drink because he has a fever, not to put him to sleep. Then repeat to him all the words about the bear and the pacifier and try to leave the room before you fall asleep. If you woke up, do not wait minutes on the table, go to him immediately. As soon as the temperature, severe runny nose and cough, which make breathing difficult, pass, proceed with the re-education according to the scheme. Remember, your little one will try to preserve the privileges gained during the illness. Be calm, gentle, but determined.
Why do some children sleep without problems from birth, while others become a horror for their parents? Is this due to heredity?
A baby is born with a built-in sleep-wake mechanism set for 3-4 hours. Gradually (usually in the region of 2-3 months), this mechanism, called the biological clock (special cells of the brain), changes, rebuilding itself to a regime of 24 hours. For some children, this restructuring process occurs with problems, that is, it needs outside help, in setting (schedule, external elements). Problems occur on average in 35% of cases. The same family may have children with and without problems. There is no exact scientific information why this happens.
Everyone knows that you cannot drink coffee at night, are there any prohibitions on other baby drinks or products?
In the evening, it is better not to give the baby anything exciting to drink, since in difficult cases even the smallest pathogens can affect sleep. Better to avoid before bed: coffee, coca-cola, cocoa, chocolate, meat in large quantities. In the evening, it is better to give cereals, pasta, cookies (not chocolate).
Is it necessary to bathe my baby before bed?
You can bathe him whenever you feel comfortable. This is an acquired habit and it depends on you how your baby gets used to. If you bathe it in the evening, it could be another element of sleep. It is important to wash your baby at about the same time. Try not to excite him by bathing. A calm bath can help you relax.
Can a toddler watch TV before bedtime?
Watching TV is not harmful to a child, just as it is not harmful to listen to radio or music. It is harmful to watch a lot and without control. The kid can watch TV for no more than half an hour, it is better if in the presence of his parents, who, if necessary, can explain what is happening. It is better to watch TV between 18 and 19 00, before starting the procedures for laying the bed (dinner-bathing-playing-crib). You should not leave him in front of the TV after dinner or just before going to bed, as what he sees can excite him or he may fall asleep in front of the TV if he is very tired, which is unacceptable for the correct development of a sleeping habit.
Our baby is afraid of the dark ...
It just means that you have done many things wrong until now. If the baby is used to sleeping with a little light, he may wake up at night because the light is off. The kid realized that if he says: "I'm afraid" - the light will appear again, and most importantly, he will receive the attention of his mother. You need to make sure that the baby is not psychologically ill (it is easy to check: if he has serious psychological problems, he will be afraid of the dark at any time of the day, and not just when he needs to sleep). The problem at other times of the day manifests itself as follows: one is afraid to go to the toilet, watch TV, if there is no one in the room, is afraid to go with mom to the store, etc. Fortunately, this type of problem is rare and the baby usually uses it as a trick to get attention.
Once you are satisfied that your baby is not having major psychological problems, follow the directions in Chapter 4.
What causes insomnia in a child?
Change in habits and habitual life. For example, the appearance of a brother completely changes the life of the firstborn, who is no longer the favorite baby of the whole house. The same can happen when you start attending kindergarten. Parents, firstly, should try to give enough attention to the baby during this difficult transition period and try so that the appearance of the second child does not affect the sleep schedule of the first. That is, there is no need to make another common mistake: rocking the firstborn, putting him in a crib in a special way, etc. We need to explain to him what changes have taken place and act as before. Usually, if the parents are attentive enough to the problem, the child will sleep well again after a few days. Likewise with moving to a new apartment. Explain to the child that he will have a new home, but that his crib, doll, etc. and in the future they will sleep with him.
If you already have problems, turn to Chapter 4 and do another Sleep Training Series.
My baby sleeps more during the day than at night ...
This means that your baby's biological clock has not yet been set. See Chapter 5 for instructions.
Every night my daughter wakes up for 14 months and asks for a drink. I give her a bottle. Sometimes she doesn't even touch her, sometimes she drinks and then falls asleep. What explains this behavior?
Often children ask for milk or water at night, drink and eat, but this does not mean at all that they are really hungry or thirsty. Many children already in a few months understand that if they cry at night, they will be given a sisya or a bottle. In most cases, babies just want human warmth, the presence of their parents, but still cannot speak to explain it. They drink or eat a little to be with mom or dad, then fall asleep. Usually, this behavior of children leads to the fact that parents give them a drink for every night they cry. When these babies grow up, they learn to use this trick with even greater dexterity. They force their parents to get up with them almost every night, since now they associate the bottle with sleep. Remember: the fact that a child asks for some water does not mean that he is thirsty.
The child should drink during the day, not at night. A normal child, if he drinks enough during the day, does not need extra water at night. The same applies to sleep: if the baby eats well during the day and grows according to the norms, from 6-7 months he does not need any more night food. If he wakes up and demands food and drink, it only shows his bad sleeping habit.
The only exception is when the baby is sick and has a fever. In this case, he may need to drink at night. But remember, you are giving your baby a drink because he has a fever, not to put him to sleep.
My baby goes to bed after 23.00, as my husband comes home late and wants to see him. Could this harm our child?
This situation is common and easy to explain. However, if you try to be sincere with yourself, you will understand that not letting your child sleep until late in order to be with him or because it is convenient for you is a rather selfish measure. If you remember, in the chapter on scheduling, we already said that the ideal time to go to bed, according to the biological needs of the child, is 20.00 - 20.30 in winter and 20.30 - 21.00 in summer. Therefore, it is useless to lay the baby late during the day in the hope that he will last longer in the evening. This will only further spoil his biological clock. It is also not true that if you put him in bed later, he will fall asleep and sleep better due to fatigue. Children who are too tired sleep worse.
So my advice is: Don't be selfish. Try to follow your baby's natural biological needs. Remember, between 6 and 7 months of age, your baby needs help to get into the right sleeping habits. Otherwise, in the future, he may have psychological and physical health problems.
How to understand if a baby is crying because of colic (abdominal pain, gas)?
Colic resolves between 3 and 5 months. Remember that it can be difficult to calm down a toddler who has a stomach ache. If you take your baby on the arms at night and he calms down in 2-3 minutes, then this is not colic. Colic does not appear only at night, the baby must cry day and night for the same reason. Therefore, if your baby is more than 5 months old, do not run to him as soon as he starts crying. Otherwise, the baby gets used to crying as loudly as possible to attract attention.
My baby sleeps badly because his teeth are teething ... This is one of the most common excuses for poor sleep. The widespread belief is that the teeth give such pain that the baby cannot sleep well at night. So: it has not been scientifically proven that the appearance of teeth is a painful process. If your baby wakes up "because of the teeth," most likely he woke up earlier (because of "colic", "hunger", "thirst", etc.) If your baby slept badly before, calm down about the teeth and start "re-education."
We have twins. Can they sleep together?
Two children can easily sleep in one room, subject to certain conditions. If both sleep well, no problem. If they are 6 months old, you can put them together. But if they sleep poorly (or one of the two sleeps poorly), it is better to separate them during sleep training. If you do not have this opportunity, train both together.
My son does not want to sleep during quiet hours. Maybe it's better to give it up? For a quiet hour, you need to behave in the same way as when laying the baby for the night. If we feed a child for breakfast and for lunch with a spoon, I also do not see the difference between going to bed in the afternoon and in the evening. Many children stop sleeping during the day by the age of three when they start kindergarten. If a 3-year-old child does not sleep during the day, he will be too tired at night - his night sleep will be deeper - problems such as nightmares, sleepwalking, enuresis, etc. may appear.
The child should sleep during the day for at least 4 years, and better for longer.
If your baby for any reason goes to bed later than the recommended time (at 21.30 or even 22.00), we recommend moving the bed to an earlier time. Remember: it's about your baby's health! The recommended schedule is explained by biological rhythms ("biological clock"). If this clock is not set correctly in early childhood, the child is at greater risk of having problems of various types in the future (from poor school performance, difficulty concentrating, to poor growth and insomnia in adulthood). Some parents put off going to bed until later because the father comes home late from work and wants to see the baby. Don't give in to this temptation! These are your selfish inclinations, which in the future can turn into problems for your child.
How to retrain him to go to bed earlier? First, start waking him up earlier in the morning, do not let him sleep until 9-10 am if he goes to bed late. In no case do not skip the daytime sleep in the hope that in the evening you will want to sleep earlier. In the evening he will be too tired to sleep well. Let him sleep during the day, but not too long: 1.5 - 2 hours. Go to bed earlier in the evening, do the same the next day, and so on until you reach the desired schedule.
How to teach your baby not to disturb parents early in the morning?
Small children do not feel the time and they are not very interested in it. They wake up in the morning because they don't want to sleep anymore, not because "it's already 11 am." Many children wake up early. If the baby wakes up and is crying, calling you, it is better to go to him immediately. It's no use pretending you can't hear.
If your baby wakes up and is chatting to himself or playing in the crib, do not approach him, even if you are already up. So he gets used to occupying himself a little. Sometimes it helps to give the baby a bottle or toy, change his clothes and give him something interesting and you may be able to sleep for another hour. If your child is older, consider why he wakes up so early. The tram outside the window woke him up? Lantern light? He is cold? Hot? If your baby wakes up for one of these reasons, try to eliminate them. If he wakes up because he has already slept, think of some activity prepared for him in the evening: leave at night on a chair next to the crib, so that he can get it himself, coloring and pencils, a bottle of tea, a glass of water, a toy, what - some surprise, etc. When the kid wakes up, he will find what you left behind and will do it for a while.
If your child is three years old or older, he may already be working with you. We offer you a method that will teach him the days of the week, hours and help you sleep longer on Saturday and Sunday. Draw on paper or buy a calendar that shows the entire month (or weeks). Explain to your child what a calendar is. Explain the names of the days of the week. Every day, together with the baby in the evening, put a cross or a circle on the calendar and say: today is Monday, Monday will end, tomorrow will be Tuesday, etc. Tell him that there are two special days a week when his parents won't wake him up, but he has to wake his parents. It's Saturday and Sunday. Highlight them on the calendar in a different color. Buy a wall clock for your baby or use an existing one in the house. Hang the clock in front of his crib. The kid still does not know how to read the clock and you need to help him. Attach the 10 o'clock sticker to the watch. (If you want to get up at 10, and your baby wakes up at 8:00) When on Friday the baby returns from kindergarten, tell him:
“Look, it's Friday. Tomorrow will be a special day, tomorrow is Saturday and tomorrow you will have to wake us up. " Look at your watch. When the big hand covers (touches, is under, etc.) to the sticker, it's 10 o'clock. You will have to wake us up and you will get an interesting surprise. " What a surprise? Depends on your imagination. You can hide a balloon under your bed, buy a kinder surprise, organize a pillow fight, etc.
You don't need to buy something new every time, it is important to do something that your baby likes. You cannot answer him at 10 o'clock: "Wait a little, now we will play with you." If he waited 10 hours, you too should keep your word and show his surprise (play the game) right away.
How to make him hold on until 10 o'clock? A few tips: On Friday, go to the store with him to buy him breakfast for Saturday (Sunday).
It is very important to do this with him, so that the baby feels involved. Place breakfast on a table / stool next to his bed. When the baby wakes up, he can have a snack himself. Buy him a toy (make, etc.) that you will only give him on Saturday and Sunday morning. Leave her on the chair next to the crib too. On the first Saturday, the baby will wake up at 8:00 and at 8:05 will be already at your bed with shouts: “It's time to get up! Where is the surprise? "
It's okay that this happens, he hasn't learned to wait yet. Then act like at night. Take him to the crib. Explain that it is still early. Show the clock and explain again when the time is correct. If he protests, return to him according to the time table in Chapter 4. This time, not to put him to sleep, but to teach him to wait and play himself. Remember that the baby is still small and it is difficult for him to wait so long if he wakes up at 8.00, and you want him to wake you up not earlier than 10.00, first you have to cheat: turn the arrows forward. When the baby wakes up, in reality it will be only 8, but the clock will show already 9.00. He will only have to wait an hour. Encouraged by success, he will have more desire to wait for the appointed hour. And you gradually set the clock to the correct time. So the baby can wait longer and longer.
Be realistic, don't ask a 3-year-old to play for 2.5 - 3 hours in the morning. Good luck!
Difficult cases.
Since the publication of this book (1996), we have received a huge number of letters from parents. Most of them are expressions of gratitude and appreciation. However, in some there is a description of the difficulty that the parents could not overcome. We now look at the perceived and real difficulties of sleep training. We decided to follow the sleep training process and find out what problems parents face. The following is an analysis of the sleep training process of 823 children aged 6 months to 5 years.
Analysis of the application of our method and its results:
- 96% of children learned to sleep without disturbing their parents at night
- in 4%, parents faced difficulties that they could not overcome. Some children never learned to fall asleep on their own, some at first learned, but after a while they began to wake up again at night.
We analyzed in detail the reasons for the failures. There are objective and subjective reasons. Objective:
- parents did not quite understand our instructions correctly
- the book was read by only one of the parents
-the child is looked after by several people who could not act in the same way
- a third person (grandmother, aunt) lives in the house, who influenced the application of the method
- the child got sick during re-education
- there were global changes in the child's life during the period of sleep training: parents divorced, a brother was born, moved, went to kindergarten, etc.
- one of the parents has serious psychological problems (states of anxiety)
- the family does not sleep at home every weekend
- trip with a change in the child's schedule or time zone
The method was not understood absolutely correctly.