Is love possible at a distance without meetings. Is love possible at a distance? What to do so that feelings do not cool down

Love, of course, is a wonderful feeling that ennobles the soul of a person, no matter how this love develops. But among other types of love, there is a special love between a man and a woman (a guy and a girl), which is called a relationship at a distance, when the guy lives in one city, and the girl in another. My article is entirely devoted to this most interesting topic, it is about the specifics of love at a distance, what 4 stages you will definitely go through in your romance at a distance, and how to maintain relationships at a distance?

I'll start with the bad news. Long distance love is the worst kind of relationship. This is a psychological axiom. I myself personally had the experience of 4 long distance relationships (which I treated very differently), but most importantly, in my subsequent psychological practice, I analyzed more than 200 long distance relationships. My empirical experience with these situations says one thing unequivocally: long-distance relationships are the most problematic relationships of all possible. Love at a distance has its own strict patterns, that is, the psychological laws by which they develop, regardless of whether we want it or not.

Since this article is written for both women and men at once, I will refer to the person you love as a "relationship partner" for short.

A good, happy relationship has several key components: biological fit (the first 3 biological compatibility markers, you should like this person from the very beginning: 1) voice 2) body smell 3) laughter, how this person laughs); very good attitude towards you personally from the very beginning; general outlook; sexual compatibility; common geography (NB!), that is, it is highly desirable that you live in the same city; psychological compliment.

Love, in our psychological jargon, always has two Components - Wishlist and Attachment. Wishlist is a sexual instinct, and Binding is a deep emotional and spiritual connection between a man and a woman, which we can metaphorically imagine as an invisible thread or a sea rope, imagine the image in which this “thread” seems to stretch from a man to woman through time and space. It is from these two components that Love is formed. Wishlist (sexual desire) can flare up quite quickly (especially in our male case), but it can also cool down quickly for some woman. Emotional and spiritual attachment, in contrast to sexual desire, is formed in the soul of a person in relation to a partner (relationship partner) for a very long time - for months, even years. But just as long, this emotional and spiritual connection lasts after, even if the relationship is now in a deep crisis. The most powerful attachment very often remains even after the relationship has ended (the attachment is when you think you miss this person).

Love at a distance - what do the statistics say?

I analyzed cases in which the relationship was at very large distances (hundreds and thousands of kilometers), for example - a man in Vladivostok, his wife moved to live in Moscow (they see each other every three to four months). This distance can be small, up to hundreds of kilometers between cities, for example, a man lives in a large city, and a woman lives in one of its suburbs or in a nearby city. And in all these 200 cases (let me remind you that I provided psychological assistance to people in restoring broken relationships and sorted out their relationship with them at consultations at a distance), I discovered the following key pattern.

The first rule of long-distance relationships: if a man and a woman do not start living together in the same territory (a guy goes to a girl in her city, or vice versa, a girl goes to live with a guy in his city - it doesn’t matter who goes to whom), then the relationship is guaranteed to fall apart in 90-95% of cases within 2-3 years.

These are not random figures, this is evidenced by my own statistics, which I kept while doing psychological help in these cases. That is, even if everything is fine in your relationship now, but you don’t settle down and start living together, then I guarantee you a serious crisis in relations within a year or two years, and most likely a complete break in relations (disappointment in them) . Yes, there are couples who are an exception, couples who are in a relationship even 3 years after the start of the relationship, although the man and woman live in different cities (they see each other once or twice a month or less), but let me remind you that according to my statistics, this around 5%. And then these couples are always “at risk”, that is, such relationships may one day fall apart.

If your long-distance relationships are now undergoing a crisis, then the point here is not only the notorious "yours and others' mistakes", the point is that long-distance relationships develop according to their own laws and trajectories. You can be very psychologically literate in a relationship or completely illiterate, but in any case, the psychological laws of relationships at a distance will dominate your feelings. Conclusion: in order for your relationship to develop and get out of the crisis, you need to live together, in the same territory (in “her” city, in “his” city, in some neutral territory - it doesn’t matter, the main thing is together, so that a common life and common future). After all, who is a loved one? This is always a category of time, a loved one is the future tense. When you constantly think about some person and place him next to you in your future, then this indicates that this person is completely special for you, a loved one. That is, you have a concept of a joint future.

Relations at a distance can, for one of the partners in relations, weaken this concept of a joint future so much or even completely nullify it that the joint future disappears, weakens and is replaced by other “images of the future”.

If you want to save relationships at a distance, you need to go to another city where this person lives and start living there, on the same territory.

How does love develop over a distance? 4 stages of love at a distance.

1st stage of "love at a distance". This is the "spring" of relationships, the period of falling in love. Possibly one of the best times in life (remember all your loves!). You are covered with a wave of emotional euphoria and a feeling of lightness in the body, all thoughts and feelings are directed only to this person. A feeling of delight and deepest acceptance of the whole personality of this person and gratitude for a special, exclusive attitude towards you. You call and write to this person to the maximum of your free time, communicate with him, there is a feeling as if this amazing person reads all your thoughts, feels the slightest movements of your soul. This is a time of spiritual celebration, euphoria, getting to know each other, the deepest interest in everything that happens in the world of another person.

What are the dangers at this stage? You can fall in love not with a real person, but with the image you created, especially if you have never seen him BEFORE you met (for example, the acquaintance happened on the Internet). And the image and the real person can differ at times. You came up with a fairy tale for yourself, and then you don’t like reality, so from the very beginning, relationships had to be built realistically. There may be a gap between your inflated expectations and the real person.

You can actually fall in love with a person only after you have repeatedly had sex and you lived together for some time (a common life arose, you worked together), then you will not be mistaken - you actually made sure that you are a friend to a friend as a lover and mistress, that in sex everything can be 100% good for you, that partnerships are reliable and strong - after that you CAN lose your head and heart, figuratively speaking.

2nd stage of love at a distance.

Checking mutual expectations. Here the foundation of future relationships is laid and the characters are being adjusted (after all, we do not live with appearance, but with character), you move in together and you mutually launch each other as a Wishlist (your sexual instinct) and attachment (the deepest emotional and soul connection). You have sex like rabbits or not at all (there is a misfire, there are dozens of reasons for this). You spend maximum time together. You will get to know each other for real, and not based on some invented images. Here, either an image is laid, the concept of a joint happy future, or it is not laid at all. Intentions for the future are clarified.

What difficulties may arise at this stage of the relationship? 1) Loving people receive 70-80% of information non-verbally, that is, reading this information from “body language”, and not from words. In long-distance relationships, it turns out that you lose up to 80% of information about each other and “know” each other only by 20%, and the information deficit can grow; 2) Lack of recognition of each other due to emotional closeness, emotional burn brought from past (unsuccessful) relationships, incorrect projections (you see not a real person, but your projections at his address, or this person does not see you, but sees his own image of you, which can be quite skewed); 3) Excessive expectations or inconsistency of expectations (for example, to immediately make an offer without really understanding your feelings); 4) Fear of uncertainty (now everything is fine, but what will happen next when we part?)

o there are relationships at a distance or have developed and consolidated in this form, fixed in a position (for example, a man goes to a woman once a month in her city, sometimes once every half a year). Or the relationship did not work out right away (due to the psychological illiteracy of both partners in the relationship, sexual, emotional, cultural or psychological incompatibility) and the crisis in the relationship has already begun.

At this stage, the couple may even get married. The concept of a joint future arises (we will live together someday) and at first everything is really good, there is absolute fidelity, there is deep trust, there is an understanding of each other's emotional needs, love, care, tenderness and attention. But the couple continues to live in two cities and their meetings do not take place every day, but once a week, a month, or even half a year. During the first year of a long-distance relationship, love is supported by psychological inertia and the relationship is still very strong, but after a year, internal conflict begins to grow in the couple. Stage 3 in a long distance relationship.

Growth of internal conflict. Relationships at a distance are torn from within by the very nature of these relationships. People do nothing with the geographical factor, and as a result, the problematic nature of their relationship grows and intensifies, discontent and internal conflict begin to accumulate in a couple, which begins to be projected onto another person. What happens here very often:

1) The concept of a joint future begins to gradually erode over time, weaken and collapse.

2) All problems in a pair are best solved how? That's right, having sex. With a relationship at a distance, this is simply impossible, so all mutual conflicts do not receive emotional discharge through the bed, but gradually accumulate. The internal problematic of these relations is growing.

3) Relationships have two pillars on which they stand - these are Value and Commonality. Gradually, the value of this person begins to fade (after all, there are many others around you), your once huge psychological community (the so-called “common reality”) also begins to gradually weaken.

4) There is a loss of trust. Very often, instead of trust, such relationship-destroying phenomena as Control and Surveillance are launched (what is this person doing now? where did he go in the evening? with whom? etc.)

4th stage of love at a distance.

Cooling and crisis. A crisis in a relationship could come at both the second and third stages of long-distance relationships, but at the fourth stage a crisis is almost inevitable (for 95% of couples). The crisis accumulates and comes into such relationships at different speeds, from a year to three years. A lot depends on the psychological literacy of a man and a woman, on the number of psychological mistakes made (both are always responsible for mistakes in relationships, by definition) and on the degree of erotic tension (is there a spark of erotic tension or not - and why) in a couple.

An understanding of the wrongness of such a relationship comes to someone, but instead of a positive agenda (listen, we have problems, let's think about how we can solve them in the best way in order to be happy again?), The fiercest criticism of the personality of another person is included. There is no true understanding that in this situation it is not you personally and not the other person who are to blame, but the LOGIC of the DEVELOPMENT of relationships over distances, which leads most couples to just such a scenario.

The repulsion of personality begins. It is not your individual actions (misconducts) that are criticized, but your whole personality, as a whole (the classic phrases of this stage sound: “You have always been, are and will be so (bad, terrible, etc.)!” or “You are always so (monstrous , evil, etc.) was, is and will be"). Obviously absurd, delusional accusations sound. And both in your address and from outgoing you. Sexual infidelity is either already happening or is about to begin to happen, in any case, one of the relationship partners can already actively flirt, recklessly get acquainted and change. People in a couple do not hear each other and do not understand, although they speak the same language. The “body language” completely changes - when people meet, they do not feel a desire to hug each other, but an unnatural feeling of stiffness (the so-called “muscle shell”), muscle clamps appear, incongruent behavior, emotional instability, body language becomes “cold”, then there are strange, closed postures ("defensive").

I repeat, the vast majority of long-distance relationships, if a man and a woman do not come together and begin to live together for 2-3 years, are doomed to collapse and decay. This is what happens, relationships begin to crumble, divorces and divergences occur.

Ilya Vasiliev

A source

Mir-positiva.com

Is it important for a couple to feel each other

Instruction

When people fall in love, all their feelings become as if oriented towards the other person. They begin to love the music that a loved one listens to or watch films or programs with him that they would never watch themselves. Love changes people - and these are not empty words, because changes occur at a neural level in the brain. Love makes a person receptive, and in the period of the most heated relationship, people get used to things in each other that would be difficult to get used to without binding their tender feelings. It is at this time that some special ability to feel a partner is born. You can think of physics. At school, teachers told me that if you squeeze two plates of different metals and press them well against each other (the usual strength of the hands, of course, is not enough), so that the distance between them becomes small at the molecular level, then the particles that make up the metals will start to pass from one plate to another. For humans, that power is love. So it turns out that people in love begin to understand each other perfectly, they only need one gesture or a slight change in facial expression to understand what is happening with a partner. And some, as they say, are able to feel each other and at a distance!

If the feelings in your couple have cooled down a bit, then it may seem that the old understanding is gone, and that no one treats the partner as carefully as before. But if you think about it, then it is important to you? Mutual understanding can always be established again, and the ability to feel each other will return. To do this, try to pay more attention to your partner. Listen to him. For many people, it is extremely important to speak up, but often, if they see that they are listening without attention, they will simply become silent. And someone on the contrary begins to chat incessantly. This is also a kind of reaction: a person may not be aware, but his behavior is based on panic that he is not noticed. So he tries to splash out as much as possible, talks and talks, just to say at least something.

How to learn to listen? Listening doesn't mean sitting around while your partner tells their stories. Listening is when you process everything that is said to you. This is the ability to sympathize and empathize, this is the perception of information not only with the ears, but also with other senses, when you read between the lines, you hear what the person did not tell you directly, but what he thinks about.

With an attentive attitude towards each other, mutual understanding in a couple and the ability to feel each other only increase over time. Some people who have lived together for more than a dozen years seem to no longer need words at all, they seem to know how to exchange thoughts. Unfortunately, in the modern world, such couples are becoming rarer.

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Love and be loved

This feeling is an achievement and a reward. Everyone dreams of the perfect relationship, and it's real.

Each person, both in life and in relationships, has to go his own way. A huge role is played by chance, the ability to be at a certain time in the right place. Love can catch up with you anywhere: in the doctor's office, in line at the store, at the theater, with friends, on the street. It is difficult to understand whether you met the right person, whether you should live with him all your life.

It takes time to feel it. Someone needs a whole year, and someone in a month realizes that he has found his destiny. There are no strict criteria for determining the correctness of the choice.

First of all, you should be guided by your intuition. Be sure to listen to your heart. As they say, at such moments it will jump and make it clear that this person is yours! Basically, such sensations arise with love at first sight, when you feel that this person is dear to you, close, and it seems that you have known him for a very long time.

Where are you, my other half?

All people must have a soul mate - the only one who is determined by your fate. A person can only consciously give up feelings when he does not want to have a serious relationship and it is easier for him to be alone.

There are couples who, having lived together for more than one year, doubt whether they are halves of each other. There are a number of signs that allow you to determine the degree of harmony in your relationship.

In some unions, a man and a woman feel each other at a distance. For example, a girl is going to call a young man, and he, as if having heard her thoughts, is ahead of her by a few seconds. There are cases when in a couple one gets sick, and the second also feels unwell and the same symptoms, although they are physically healthy.

Sometimes lovers can simultaneously pronounce the same word or even a whole phrase. There is an ancient belief that says that at such moments an angel flies between people. Some couples are able to guess what gift the other half is dreaming of. Such people feel each other with a special, sixth sense and, undoubtedly, form a single whole.

How to recognize feelings

Is it possible to distinguish true love from simple love or passion? True love is not only a quivering feeling, but also concrete actions. She awakens the desire to do something pleasant for her beloved, to please him. A loving person will not hesitate to sacrifice his interests for the sake of a loved one.

Love changes over the years, acquires different colors, new shades, but remains with you forever. Passion - bright, very strong, sudden, unexpectedly falling and captivating feelings that quickly burn out. After they leave, there is a void. When a person experiences passion, he is emotionally very attached to the chosen one. At such moments, I irresistibly want only one thing - to be close to my beloved. Everything else fades into the background, including moral principles, and it doesn’t matter if your chosen one is married.

Passion can turn into love. Often this happens if two people are engaged in a common cause or, in addition to intimate relationships, they are united by some other interests.

Attachment is another kind of feeling. She does not have to impulsive heroism in a relationship. But if you are separated from the person to whom you are attached, then soon enough you will feel his absence, you will miss him very much.

Unlucky in love

If you are lucky in partnership, in relationships, you attract people, but at the same time you cannot earn money and get a decent position, this indicates an imbalance in energy. Such a person may have several marriages, relationships with a large number of people who do not bring him moral satisfaction. This happens because there is no harmony and balance between the energy of money and the energy of love.

A person with a very powerful energy attraction is usually a strong personality. When such a person appears in society, others feel an inexplicable attraction to him and even a feeling of light love. This suggests that he has a highly developed sexual chakra.

love spell

To draw attention to yourself, to make you believe in the sincerity of your feelings, you should show respect and care, be kind and affectionate towards the chosen one. The culinary component is also very important. The legend says that if you cook with love, then everyone who tries your food is sure to fall in love with you. You convey emotions to food, charge it with your positive energy, so everything that is cooked with soul is much tastier.

Ideal woman

Being an ideal woman is a whole science, which, by the way, can be mastered. Relationships are most harmonious in those couples in which a man sees in a woman both a mother, a mistress, and a wife. All three incarnations must be combined and manifested at the right moments. Indeed, in family life there are many everyday circumstances when you have to behave differently.

For example, when a husband gets into a stressful situation, you need to find the right words in time, support him, as a mother would do. And in intimate moments, a woman should be able to ignite feelings and be a skilled lover.

Throughout their life together, couples live through three stages. Standard relations develop according to one scenario. First, a woman is a mistress, then becomes a wife, then a mother (for a man, respectively: lover, husband, father). And then she should already be able to combine all this. If a man does not find these qualities in his wife, over time he looks for them in other women, which becomes the reason for parting.

Most of all, a man appreciates in a woman the ability to give in, put up with his shortcomings and love him for who he is, without trying to artificially change anything.

The perfect man

What attracts a woman in a man? Of course, he must combine all three roles: husband, lover, father. Maintaining a family is his main duty. As a husband, a woman expects from him care, attention, patience and indulgence for her shortcomings, as well as a constant presence nearby.

He must be able to perform elementary male housework. Like a lover - be passionate and tender, and when support is needed, be able to comfort, like a father. Usually women lack a man's shoulder, paternal care provides psychological protection.

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P-waves are the key to intuitive and telepathic abilities.| Articles, psychology

The phenomena of telepathy cannot be doubted. Not only has a huge amount of relevant Factual material accumulated, but almost every living family man will refuse to report personally experienced telepathic phenomena. An attempt to explain them from a scientific point of view is venerable.

K.E. Tsiolkovsky

The most beautiful of feelings is love. It works miracles, lifts a person to heaven and throws him into the very abyss. Love has one feature - lovers, in their souls, always feel each other, no matter how far their separation drives them. Whatever happens, in a family conflict or disagreement, etc.

The same flower that bloomed simultaneously in two souls remains there forever, even if you have to part. And the feeling of presence in the soul of a loved one, with his emotions and feelings remains.

Here is such a, sometimes touching, sometimes tragic, well-known, existing feature of human feelings.

Let's try, without hurting subtle feelings, to simply take an interest in the phenomenon of transmitting emotions, images and visions at a distance, and then explore; whether it really has anything to do with human relationships.

At a serious scientific level, this issue was dealt with back in the 50s of the last century, Corresponding Member of the Academy of Medical Sciences, Professor L.L. Vasiliev. He not only experimented, but also collected a huge, real factual material. He approached what is called "almost" to the discovery of the mysteries of human relations with the "world without words" - telepathy.

The value of his research lay in a strictly scientific, academic approach to research. That is why the results of his experiments were valuable, for serious science, value.

Here, for the sake of precaution, it is worth saying that Vasiliev ended his life tragically. He was, quite simply, shot dead and presented to the public as a case of suicide because of a laboratory mistress. Rave! But let this example serve as a “science” for those brave researchers who follow the same path….

Here is collected material from various trusted sources. The purpose of which is to offer one of the theories explaining how people feel at a distance from each other, love, hate, feel betrayal or care. And, what is most interesting, how plants feel the same when a person thinks about them. The very setting of the topic is already intriguing. Smart Plants!

Let's start with some examples. A case from the life of Lomonosov is known. He was already living in St. Petersburg when his father, who was fishing in the White Sea, died. At the time of his father's death, Mikhailo Vasilyevich experienced a heart attack and clearly understood: misfortune with his father ...

And here is the logged data.

“We, the undersigned, certify that on December 17, 1918, Boris Nikolaevich Chaber told us about the strange vision of Nadezhda Arkadyevna Nevadovskaya, who appeared to him this morning (twenty-five minutes past eight). B.N. Chabert heard the last word of the vision-“decay” and added that on the evening of the previous day, December 16, he heard someone distant, familiar, as if muffled by distance, the call: “Borya, Borya!”. Vitebsk, 12/17/1918"

Of the persons who signed the original, this copy, certified with a seal, was sealed with their signatures by I. Makunya (a teacher of mathematics) and P. Krassovsky (a lawyer). The addresses of the signatories are given.

“We, the undersigned, certify that on December 23, 1918, Boris Nikolaevich Shaber received from Petrograd from the mother of N.A. Nevadovskaya, Evgenia Nikolaevna, a letter with a notice that her daughter was wounded on December 16 of this year. and died from this wound at eight and a half in the morning of December 17. Her last words were: "There is no dust, there is no decay." Vitebsk, December 23, 1918." The copy is certified by the seal and signatures of I. Makuni and P. Krassovsky….

According to Shaber, E.N. Nevadovskaya could not bear the tragic death of her daughter and soon committed suicide. A rare feature of this case, writes Vasiliev, is the simultaneous manifestation of two telepathic states - visual and auditory.

But, time has passed, and modern researchers say that not only people, but in general all living things, react to human emotions at a distance (telepathy).

For example, Doctor of Technical Sciences, Professor Nikolai Dmitrievich Kolpakov shares his “mysterious” research: “I talk with flowers. (Although any gardener, caring for flowers, caresses them and, as it were, talks.) It's true, plants feel everything. But I exchange concrete information with flowers. In my laboratory, two flowers are connected to indicators. When I mentally turn to one of them, the arrow deviates on the device connected to it. I switch my thoughts to another flower - the second device reacts.

There is also feedback from the flowers, but what exactly the flowers report, I hope to find out a little later. Until the research is completed, I would not like to go into premature details."

The author of the article is not a professor, a simple medical psychologist, but according to professional observations and generalizations of incoming information from other sources, I dare to say the following: In a house where people wear a “stone in their bosom”, or constantly swear, flowers do not grow or grow very poorly. After all, among other things, a flower is life, which must be born and develop in the desired atmosphere. Thus, the feedback from plants to humans can be said to be empirically investigated - flowers react with their own life and death. From the presence of evil thoughts, the plant simply dies, and from the inner human kindness that reigns in the house, it flourishes.

There is something to think about. Somehow I suddenly remembered that some of my friends complained that for some reason flowers did not take root in them ...

Professor Kolpakov explains the mechanism of interaction between a plant and a person by the existence of certain polarization p-waves, which he accidentally discovered during experiments with lasers at his institute (1978), and then, after long research, they were discovered in free space (1996) Here are some physical characteristics of these waves: “Unlike electromagnetic waves with frequencies of the order of millions of hertz, the number of oscillations per second for polarization waves is expressed as one with forty zeros! And the speed of propagation is hundreds of thousands of quadrillion times greater than the speed of light. There is practically no distance for these waves, they do not fade.

If light from distant stars travels for millions of years, then information using P-waves takes seconds.

This is how Professor Kolpakov explained the mysterious phenomenon discovered by the outstanding Soviet astronomer Nikolai Kozyrev. Observing the stars through a telescope, Nikolai Aleksandrovich understood that he was fixing the light that flew to the Earth for many light years. And at the moment this star is already in another place. Kozyrev calculated in which one. And he aimed the telescope at this place where no star is visible, but it should be there. He covered the lens with an aluminum screen, but the sensitive resistor changed the electrical resistance - that is, it reacted to an invisible star. Kozyrev tried to explain the effect by the paradoxes of time. According to Kolpakovsky, everything is much simpler: the resistor reacted to P-waves flying from an invisible point in the current location of the star.

We are interested in something else. Kolpakov proves that it turns out that all living things are capable of generating these P-waves and responding to them accordingly. In humans, the "transmitter" or "generator" of P-waves is located in the deep structures of the brain, and access to it is possible only through the subconscious.

That is, if you listen to your subconscious feelings, or, as the famous psychoanalyst Carl Gustav Jung said, to the dark side of your personality, you can “hear” the thoughts of other people transmitted from subject to subject using P-waves. Why just the subconscious? Only because in the experiments of Professor Vasilyev it was proved that telepathy goes from the subconscious to the subconscious. That is why we hear the feelings of other people in a dream or an altered state of perception, when the consciousness is “off” and the subconscious has a free “exit”. As usual, upon awakening, people try to understand and understand, in the manner we are used to, “what was this vision for?”

And yet, what does this have to do with everyday problems, problems of love and hate, etc.?

I will try to list with the help of examples proving that we use telepathy everywhere, but only instinctively, thinking that these are premonitions, and not all-penetrating P-waves that carry the imprints of people's personalities.

Any experienced mother feels her child at any distance, and the wife will easily feel if, in her absence, the hubby brings a mistress to his own house.

Ask an experienced businessman if he feels a catch or vice versa success from an upcoming business related to certain people. The answer will be positive. He will say something like this: "I have developed intuition"

Ask a highly qualified intelligence agent if he senses the approach of danger when nothing is happening yet? The answer will be yes.

Recall situations from your own life. When you tune in to some business and stubbornly go to it (at the same time emitting P-waves with relevant information into the air). “P-wave receivers who are interested in the same direction of people’s activities will definitely hear you,” but in life it will look like a “miraculous” appearance of the right people in the right place ...

A little sad. There are people whose subconscious is set to destroy or suppress the opposite sex. That is, the emitted P-waves carry the corresponding information. Moreover, these people themselves do not know about it.

For example, if this is a woman, then usually her husbands die or become drunkards. Such women usually complain about the villain-fate, the evil eye, damage, etc. They get married several times, but everything repeats again. They sincerely do not suspect what kind of installation is in their subconscious (what the P-wave transmitter is tuned to). If this is a man, the same thing happens, of course, with the opposite sex.

Let me give you another phenomenon. When a person is about to go somewhere, with the help of P-waves, he is already present in the place where he is only physically going to go. If there are P-waves in this place, with carriers of personal imprints of other people, then an interesting phenomenon arises. If these personalities have nothing against each other, then in their physical bodies there will be a feeling of a safe and comfortable trip to this place. But if these are rivals, then they will physically not want to go to this place. They will be “broken”, etc. But as always, the strongest will win, who will overpower himself, and therefore the program of P-waves of another person working against him.

If you develop these thoughts further, it becomes somehow uncomfortable. Apparently, with the development of civilization and progress, which brings benefits, comes an understanding of new knowledge, which, instead of giving more freedom, warns us of greater caution, even in our own thoughts. Truly, the Ecclesiastes was right: "Knowledge breeds sorrow."

What is the purpose of a long distance relationship?

You live in one city, and the man lives in another. Communicate a hundred times a day, see each other up to ten times a year. Or skip the meeting. Think about each other and even hatch plans for the future.

Long distance relationships - what is it? Illusion? A surrogate for reality? Or a happy replacement for a hackneyed everyday life?

Let's ask ourselves, can there be a relationship at a distance?

Virtual "ideality", or Fall in love at a distance

Now the number of acquaintances in social networks and on related sites is growing.

It is easier for people to seem than to be. It is virtually easier to play the role of someone who in reality does not have enough courage to become. I put on a mask, and now - already “perfect”.

Look, there is more flair and romance in such virtual communication. The brain finishes the desired details and is fascinated by the thought-out counterpart.

Plus, photoshop and the right angles help girls create a wonderful image. And for men - a photo against the backdrop of a cool car from the salon.

So at the entrance to a relationship we get a “dream woman” or a “prince on a horse”. And, as a result, falling in love with a dream.

The collapse of the ideal did not happen at the very first real meeting, at which they were convinced of the discrepancy with the virtual picture? Then begins the relationship of a man and a woman at a distance.

Such love a priori has more chances for a bright and extended flow in time. You fall in love with the hero/heroine. And get carried away in a thoughtful way.

Rare meetings, fueled by boredom and self-winding, are emotional and passionate, which vaguely resembles diversity.

Is it possible to test the strength of relationships at a distance?

Remember, falling in love is a hormonal process, with a certain period of action.From three to 36 months. This is where the phrase "Love lives for three years" comes from. But not love, but infatuation.

Falling in love is distinguished from a mature feeling of love by hormonal imbalance. Therefore, it is so "sausage".

We get psychological inadequacy: mood swings, sleep and appetite disturbance, reduced attention to all areas of life, except for the object of love.

Relationships at a distance are deprived of this. Rather, such a check of everyday life is delayed in time if a man and a woman are destined to move in together.

Or the participants in a relationship at a distance are in the illusion of an ideal partner. Because there are no circumstances under which rose-colored glasses would have slept for a long time.

Colorful pictures of relationships at a distance

• Hours of cooing on the phone.
• The desire to imagine the life of a partner at a distance through his perception of reality.
• Romantic SMS and exciting photos.
• A constant touch of boredom, which at the moment of the long-awaited meeting results in a flurry of emotions.
• No complaints about breaking illusions. The candy-bouquet period with frequent contact ends much faster.
• There is no accumulated fatigue and negativity from other people's energies and life routine by the evening.
• There is no petty everyday life that corrodes the butterflies of love.
• Even jealous cockroaches are not as meaty and aggressive. Yes, it’s easier to implement treason “without control”. But, when you do not see a real reason for jealousy, calmed cockroaches lazily crawl along the minks. Like, "what are you, my love, I only think about you."

What psychologists say about long distance relationships

“It would always be like this,” you say.

Why, then, do psychologists call long-distance relationships an illusion?

You can’t argue that this romance is stretched out in time due to the lack of everyday life and conflicts, which are natural for the grinding stage.

But over time, such relationships annoy with unfulfillment. How quickly this happens depends on the couple and the frequency of real meetings.

What is missing when a man is at a distance?

Everything becomes drastically lacking.

• Sex is catastrophic.
• Tenderness, kisses and hugs.
• Co-sleeping and lying in bed until lunch on weekends.
• Evening watching TV shows on the same sofa.
• Breakfasts and dinners.

The notorious everyday life is missing.

After all, you must admit, it’s so annoying when you yourself carry these eternal heavy bags.

And how did you get the plastic food warmed up in the microwave.

Also the eternal awkward loneliness in the company and outings: “No, sorry, I'm busy. Why alone?..".

Lonely weekends are not encouraging, because everyone has a “family day”.

No, you are not bored. You just don’t feel protected when you frantically search for a friend in your memory. Whom to call and ask to come overboard a punctured wheel?

Or when in the evening you want to bury yourself in your armpit and stupidly be silent. How many "when"?

Lost happiness of belonging

The biggest challenge in a long distance relationship is being part of each other's lives.

A funny incident at work, an accident in the parking lot, a little adventure at the grocery store - it doesn't matter, and in a week it will be completely forgotten.

But, when you live such trifles together with a loved one, between you there is a feeling of kinship and a sense of belonging to each other's life.

Do you need broken relationships?

And how already got these many hours of telephone conversations about nothing. Because of them, the neck goes numb and the ears ring.

There are fewer common themes. There are no everyday events that are natural to share at home in the kitchen and uninteresting - on the phone.

Relationships at a distance eventually transform into text-voice. They become flawed, especially if the couple communicated and saw each other regularly before separation.

How to keep a relationship with a guy at a distance?

The modern age offers a lot of alternatives to live communication: phone, text messages, video calls, social networks. But do the benefits of civilization fulfill their functions to the full?

After all, the feeling develops and requires mental and PHYSICAL intimacy.

In such communication it is easy to wind yourself up. You don’t see your partner’s reactions, or you mistake fatigue for an unwillingness to communicate.

And most importantly, long-distance relationships deprive of that cementing power when you can remove an accidental misunderstanding and tension with a kiss or hug.
There are fewer points of contact. More unfulfilled.

How to maintain a long distance relationship without money

A big barrier for those who meet at a distance, because they live far from each other, is banal money.

You or your partner are not among the lucky ones for whom a surprise in the form of breakfast with a view of the Hudson or the Eiffel Tower is not a problem?

This is only in the proverb "Money love is not a hindrance." In a long-distance relationship, finance is help. Or a source of stress and irritation.

Imagine saving up for 2-3 days of joy for months. And you can really get it without tension in your city.

These "swings" from constant attempts to find time for a meeting are knocked out of the usual rhythm of life, accumulate fatigue from moving and flying.

Add to this the adjustment of a date with long-distance relationships for work processes. So imperfections and broken deadlines accumulate.

Love at a distance is not a hindrance to treason

And here is the first change. The fleur of love subsides. Although later than with everyday "enlightenment". The only question remains: what to do and how to behave?

When living together or "meeting" you drive these thoughts away from yourself. At least because you are often together, "it's scary to sleep." And why - sex is available.

In relationships at a distance, one cannot count on such a lifeline.

Real kisses or more patience?

If you look, and not treason, sort of. You're kind of in a relationship. And no one will know anyway.

In the meantime, they enjoy going to the cinema, walking, casual dinners together.

And now - already real “come, I miss you”, and not “well, be patient a little more, not long left”.

Agree, it’s much more pleasant to have joint dinners and kisses with the wish of “good night”. And spontaneous morning. And Sunday pancakes. And joint plans for the coming days, and not with a delay of weeks or months. How romantic it turned out :-)

Psychology of relationships at a distance: under the gun of jealousy

Suppose it can do without treason against the background. You are really in love and blinkers “this is my Destiny” do not allow you to notice other potential partners.

“Everything will pass, this will pass.”

Look, irritation from the unfulfilled love potential accumulates, strains and overwhelms. And it turns into far-fetched reasons for conflict.

This is how jealousy is born, multiplied by lack of control.

Groundless distrust infuriates: “Where are you, with whom, why do you not answer for so long?”.

Maintaining a relationship at a distance is difficult because of the banal distrust. And in this sense - it's just a minefield.

After all, there is no chance to check whether a loved one is cheating.

Does your other half also like to flirt? Thenfear of betrayal and betrayal can lead to the collapse of long-distance relationships. The severity of suspicion is not easy to bear.

And if there is also a traumatic previous experience of betrayal in the anamnesis, then long-distance relationships will completely unsettle.

How to diversify?

Let's not forget about sexual dissatisfaction.Masturbation and sports do not "sublimate".

In addition, over time, the joy of infrequent meetings ceases to be so all-consuming. At the same time, breakups are sadder and heartbreaking. It's also a routine.

Long distance relationships are possible as a convenient format

I will be completely honest. It is dangerous for a man to be alone on the weekend, and you leave the chosen one for months. And you think that the sweetheart is sitting and waiting for you? No, do you really think so?

Look, I can have dozens of long distance relationships, they are convenient. Shine! Have you noticed that this format suits men very much?

Men do not write letters to me with questions about problems in long-distance relationships, but girls do it all the time. Do you understand what it's about?

Long distance love motivates

If I want to see my girl, who is far away, I will tear this world, but I will come to her. And let the circumstances try to stop! Or I'll take my beloved to me.

Well, tell me that he has a job, conferences and competitions. I wouldn't care if the girl is REALLY needed.

Every real man in any city will find a job. And if the chosen one loves, then the energy will only double. Or pull out his woman with his son, a cat and a collection of shoes.

And long-distance relationships are simply convenient.

When can a long distance relationship last more than one year?

Long-term communication at a distance is acceptable only for those people who value their own space. In large, just huge numbers.

Then they are ready to pay a high price for freedom. And spend more than one month on relationships across kilometers. But it's not a relationship anymore

Dangerous abyss of pseudo-relationships - counting losses

Do you still want to hear tips on how to maintain a relationship at a distance?

Understand that communication across kilometers does not please a person who wants real ones. And all normal people aspire to them.

Relationships at a distance are unprofitable.

Time goes by. You will sit in these pseudo-relationships for months and years. Do you care so much about your life?

Yaroslav Samoilov

Love is a wonderful feeling when another person fills our life with meaning, causes a storm of positive emotions, gives us strength. But what if loved one is far away?

Do two people who find themselves in such a situation have a chance for happiness? Relations at a distance - advice from a psychologist on how to be and what to do with love when its object is far away.

How to make a man jealous? Learn about it from ours.

Does love exist at a distance?

What is long distance love? How does is called?

Love at a distance, in which two people who have tender feelings for each other, but are deprived of the opportunity to see each other in reality, called virtual.

Since love is a very personal, intimate feeling, each person has the right to express his own opinion on this issue, which will be true for him.

However, one can also operate with insensitive statistics - 3.7% of people in Russia are in long-distance relationships, and in the United States this figure is even higher - 4.3%.

What it is:

Is there friendship between a man and a woman? you will find on our website.

Are long distance relationships possible and how to build them? Find out from the video:

Psychology

The most important feature of long-distance relationships is that there is no way to feel a real person- the object of love will always be mostly present only in the imagination.

This the biggest difficulty virtual love - there is no way to touch a partner, no kisses, hugs, sex - all that we expect only from a loved one.

Therefore, such relationships can cause a feeling of unfulfillment - the understanding that love cannot be manifested in its entirety.

Separation kills feelings?

Is it true that distance kills love? Or is love tested by distance?

It cannot be said that the strength of love is inversely proportional to the number of kilometers between lovers - couples who have the opportunity to see each other daily also break up.

It would be more correct to treat the lack of the possibility of meetings as a temporary difficulty that should be experienced together.

How long does love last - prospects

Falling in love, due to a surge of appropriate hormones, the so-called "chemistry" - lasts from 3 months to two years. And only after that you can talk about mature love for each other.

If people are really close spiritually, then they will need each other even after the transition of feelings to a calm phase.

Relations at a distance. How to understand if your relationship has a future:

How to properly communicate away from each other?

How to behave in such a way as to withstand the test of distance? Psychologists' advice on what to do:

Be attentive to your loved one - do not forget about important dates, especially those that are of particular importance to him.

Be interested in his experiences, mood, well-being Anything that evokes emotions in him. Try to share them with him.

How to maintain such a relationship?

This connection? First of all, you should be prepared for the fact that for some time you will be unable to see each other. This must be understood and accepted by both partners.

Talk about your fears and negative feelings that relate to your relationship - do not be afraid to appear weak, seek support.

Your feelings are sure find a response in the soul of a loving person, and they will also say that you care about the fate of your relationship.

Keep in touch no matter what. You need to understand that refusing to call or send a message, correlated with real life, is tantamount to silence or ignoring the meeting.

Reassure each other. You can say that it is difficult for you to love at a distance - this is quite natural, but this does not mean at all that you cannot stand it. The partner must be confident in the strength of your feelings.

How to diversify communication?

How to strengthen relationships at a distance? Over time, a situation may arise that the number of topics for conversation will dry up. This can lead to a feeling of monotony.

How to bring freshness into relationships at a distance, revive them for each other?

Be as open as possible to your loved one - sincere emotions will always find a response in another heart.

Books

The writers also could not ignore this situation, in which many people find themselves.

Here a few books about long distance love relationships:

• "I don't believe. I don't hope. I love" S. Ahern. The book of several hundred letters fit 50 years of the life of its main characters;
• "Where are you?" Mark Levy. Psychological drama about how childhood friendship grew into true love, followed by separation;
• "The Solitude of Prime Numbers" P. Giordano. The story of two lovers living in a huge metropolis and their parallel destinies, who are not destined to meet;
• "Loneliness in the Net" Janusz Wisniewski. The characters correspond in Internet chats, exchange frank fantasies. But the most important test will be their meeting.

Examples of stories from life

Life is full of stories about love at a distance.

As a striking example, one can cite the relationship between V. Vysotsky and M. Vladi. The "Iron Curtain" between the USSR and Western countries did not allow spouses to be together.

Sometimes the only thing they could afford write letters and talk on the phone. Thus was born Vysotsky's famous song about a telephone operator.

Relations between V. Bryusov and N. Petrovskaya also deserve attention - for more than 10 years they communicated by correspondence, living in different countries.

Heartbreaking story of life - how deep can a feeling, which does not kill even separation. It is enough to quote one phrase of N. Petrovskaya - "I always think about love."

Love at a distance is a test for two. However, it is the difficulties that often prove the true depth of feelings.

Long distance relationships - personal experience:

A few years ago, we didn’t even imagine how it was possible to build relationships at a distance. Now love at a distance has become very common.

Today, people meet through global network sites, communicate and make virtual dates. Love at a distance - what is it? I offer you my article on the psychology of modern relationships at a distance.

How does this happen

Men and women from different countries and cities daily, thanks to new technologies, build their relationships, being away from each other.

Sometimes, after texting and talking on Skype for several years, the couple finally connects in reality - having met and formally married. I know such stories - love at a distance leads to real relationships.

And yet love at a distance is still unusual for most of us. How to behave with your beloved when you are separated by hundreds and thousands of kilometers? How to move from communication in the virtual space to real relationships? And how then to save this union?

In virtual communication, it is very easy to become dependent on an imaginary partner.

He

Always remember: the initiative must come from the man. He calls you, he goes to meet you, and he pays all the expenses associated with this. Why? “Do you want to be sure that he has serious intentions?” That he is able to answer for his actions? That you are not a way to fill his temporary spiritual voids?

It is the man who first arrives (arrives, sails) to you. And then he visits you more than once. You go to him only when you are already more or less confident in your relationship. Why do I recommend doing this? I'll explain now.

When people meet each other for the first time after several years (months) of intense correspondence and negotiations online and on the phone, unfortunately, they are not always satisfied with this meeting, with each other, after all. After all, when you sent your photos to your virtual partner, you probably corrected and improved them, both of you picked up words and topics for conversation - you just wanted to please each other. And then suddenly it turned out that your expectations were not justified, and there was not much in common between you.

Now imagine that you are in a foreign country, in a foreign city, where you have no acquaintances, alone with a man who has disappointed you. And he is your only "straw" in this unfamiliar place.

You will be forced to constantly communicate with him, pretend that you feel good, smile, while avoiding unwanted contact. All this will be followed by a showdown. And it’s good if he treats the situation with understanding and tact. And if not? What if you end up alone on the streets of an unfamiliar city in search of a new home?

Therefore, it is safer and more convenient for a woman to start dating a man on “her territory”, where she can make all the decisions: how, when, where to meet, how far to go in a relationship.
But if you do decide to be the first to go to a man, play it safe: find out where you can move out in case everything did not go the way you would like, or if the partner did not live up to your expectations. And... when you come to visit, take full advantage of this situation: look at how a man lives, how he behaves in a familiar environment - with careful observation, you can learn a lot about him.

And remember one more rule: let him speak. As much as possible. About myself. Because the one who talks a lot about himself and his experiences, who invests more in relationships, is attached to another more strongly.

Ask him about everything: about his life, about his interactions with people, about his exes - so you will understand what scenarios are operating in his psyche. But please don't be picky. We are all imperfect. We all have our good and bad sides, which "shoot" on certain clues of others. Therefore, we are different with different people.

Question him as much as possible, but do not overdo it - do not turn the conversation into an interrogation. Listen and watch, and if he is lying about something, trying to hide something, you can see it.
Get to know him, but don't get attached. In virtual communication, it is very easy to become dependent on an imaginary partner. And then it will be difficult for you to break this connection, even if you realize that a man is not suitable for you.

And don't make excuses for him if he doesn't do something for you. A man can move mountains... when he wants to.

I know a guy who met a girl from another city. When she fell ill, he could not be near her. But he managed to find on the Internet acquaintances of his friends in her city. And they bought and brought home to her fruit and flowers from him.
You see, today, thanks to new technologies and his imagination, a man can do a lot. There would be a desire.

YOU

There are always problems in any relationship. But love at a distance has another feature - you cannot tactilely support each other (by touching). You are separated.

You are missing a partner. You don't know what he's doing without you, what he's doing. And it causes stress. In such a situation, there is a danger of starting to invent feelings and motives for a man’s actions. And then also fall in love with this far-fetched, not real image.

In general, a man who is aimed at creating a family will be true to his promises, he will regularly call and write to you, and not suddenly disappear from your life for several days. And such disappearances, by the way, are already an occasion to think about your joint future.

So do not get carried away with virtual communication. And a partner who is interested in creating a family will not delay this stage of your relationship. Move into reality.

Separation is a very important lesson that fate has taught you.

Parting

And so, you have already met a real man. You realized that you really like each other. But while you still live in different cities. Or maybe in your life it turned out that separation temporarily separated your already held couple. How to survive this period, when close proximity, mutual support is still impossible? How to continue building deep relationships?

Let's look at some tips that are suitable for this situation.

1. Do not perceive separation as a tragedy. In fact, this is a very important lesson that fate has taught you. Look for the benefits in this situation. Perhaps you have begun to appreciate those rare days, hours and minutes that you can spend together. And this skill is worth a lot.

2. Try to extinguish, and not to inflate bouts of despair and disbelief in the final reunion. There are no hopeless situations! Continue to believe in the successful resolution of all problems, support each other.

3. Make plans for a joint future! Discuss them with each other as often as possible.

4. Do not indulge in longing for your loved one. Support his new beginnings and hobbies. Albeit separately, but watch the same films, read the same books, and then share your impressions. This can be done every day.

5. Don't forget about your personal growth. Do what you love, start, for example, learning another foreign language. Go to interesting events. So you fill your days with meaning, and time will fly by. But it’s really not necessary to sit in front of a computer screen, waiting for news from your lover.

6. Be attentive to each other. Tell your partner how much you love him, how you miss him, how you look forward to meeting him. Just don't get suspicious and jealous. And even more so, try not to give a reason to be jealous of you.

7. Experiment with your relationships, ignite each other's sensuality: communicate naked (using a webcam), send each other your erotic pictures and notes, have sex on the phone - fantasize!

8. Do not get hung up on virtual communication, "materialize" your signs of attention - send each other very real gifts, cards, bouquets.

A long distance can harm a serious relationship. Lovers inevitably have different questions. Each of the partners living thousands of kilometers apart is interested in what the other half does in moments of separation. Is there a future for this kind of relationship? Or maybe all this torment is completely in vain? And sooner or later, each of the lovers slips a playful thought: “It’s better to meet the postman, because he comes every day.” True, in this joke, there is only a grain of truth. How to help each other to keep love?

Relationships like this are heartbreaking.

Distance really hurts. And sometimes it seems that there is no way out of the current situation, but the way back is also not visible. If your friend says the phrase: "My girlfriend lives in Finland, it's so cool!" - he'll pass for a lunatic. Not a single person will be sincerely happy without seeing their soulmate for a long time. On the contrary, over the course of months and even years, an ever deeper wound appears on the heart. As if with each new separation, another piece is cut out, and there is no reason for optimism. Only video calls and open chat dialogs remain.

Three scenarios

When people are young, they gladly accept this relationship model, believing that it gives a lot of freedom. By the age of 30, a person can accumulate a decent life experience, and he will be surprised to find that love at a distance is not so rare. In fact, there are several options for the development of events:

• Both of you sincerely try to save the relationship, but in the end everything still falls apart.
• Both of you agree that the continuation will not lead to anything good, part friends and find new partners, but each in his own city.
• You begin to make joint plans to eliminate the distance.

As you can see, of the three options presented, only the third is able to save love. Any other model of relations will stop sooner or later, it's just a matter of time. Let us form the main principles of love, which is able not to fade away at a distance.

You both always have something ahead

In addition to the next meeting, there should be something important in the future that can bind you even stronger. Nothing kills a relationship like uncertainty. And this applies to all aspects of life. Such uncertainties only at first seem insignificant, with each subsequent separation this feeling can only give rise to a new emotional crisis. That is why it is so important to make ongoing plans. And let them affect not the next month, but the next year. Nevertheless, the prospect of a joint holiday at sea, meeting your parents or looking for work in another city will clearly emerge in your mind. You can make a plan for moving, look at rental ads together, but together you will move forward, not stand still.

When relationships don't develop, they die.

If you are afraid to look into the near future, you cannot leave your family in your hometown, or you are afraid of the difficulties that may arise in another city, you may be stuck in this suspended state of complete uncertainty. However, although your relationship is special, the following idea is also true for them: if the connection does not strengthen, it dies. And perhaps, in a relationship at a distance, this thesis will be even more important than for the usual model of the existence of feelings. Therefore, you must be in constant development, just like your partner. It is important that your lines of motion meet at some point sooner or later. Otherwise, your paths will either diverge or never cross.

Do not rush to judge

For human psychology, being at a respectful distance from a loved one can be a real test. We don't see each other. At this point, we begin to draw our own pictures in our minds and build unnecessary guesses. What is our beloved really doing during periods of separation? But this really shouldn't be done. Insane jealousy, powerlessness or too passionate desire to be near only burn a person from the inside.

Ultimately, we tend to perceive another random walk, which the partner told about in a conversation, as his completely conscious desire to change. Thus, we completely undermine the trust in the beloved. But that can make you paranoid. The constant scenes of jealousy, the constant showdown and the desire to keep everything under control will drive both you and your soul mate to despair. Remember that jealousy and distrust inevitably lead to collapse. Eliminate all irrational fantasies about your partner from your life.

Create the perfect ground for communication

Many couples who live far apart set clear rules from the start. Suppose they call each other every night before going to bed. Or they give a clear setting to have at least 10 calls per month.
Of course, for some people this can really work, and partners will really feel an invisible strong connection between themselves. However, psychologists say that the best communication is the one that happens completely spontaneously. And if you don’t feel particularly drawn to the conversation, despite the date marked with a cross on the calendar, that’s okay. Talk to each other only when you feel the need to, and not because you agreed on it before.

Make sure the distance is temporary

Lovers, between whom there is a huge distance, like no one else need hope for the future. But in order for this hope to appear, efforts are needed from each of the parties. Partners should discuss the possibility of living together and do everything in their power to achieve their dream. If a common vision of future relations is not emerging, very soon such a model will lose its meaning. It's not that they don't love each other enough. In this type of relationship, love is by no means the dominant position. Both partners should have similar views on life, common interests and values.

It is also necessary to be aware that one common vision of the future is clearly not enough. It is necessary that both partners make efforts and move towards each other. Everything that prevents us from being together today must be overcome tomorrow.

Conclusion

It is difficult to say whether the years spent in long-distance relationships are worth all the sacrifices, or if it is wasted time. On the one hand, such a model has the right to exist and gives many unforgettable moments to lovers. On the other hand, partners never know the true state of affairs. They, like blind kittens, have a vague idea of ​​their future and may not even be aware of all the real qualities of their soulmate. They cannot study each other to the smallest detail. Also, the distance is able to play a cruel joke with lovers, drawing in their minds a picture of an ideal partner. That is why you need to try to do everything to overcome such a hated distance.