What teenagers face. The main problems of adolescents

Many parents grab their heads when their children are 12-13 years old. Obedient and exemplary boys and girls become rude, cocky, often deny everything that they have been instilled in them at home. There are, of course, children who, even at a transitional age, only delight their parents, but they are a minority. Before the start of the school year, the psychologist of the Center for Social and Psychological Adaptation and Development of Adolescents "Perekrestok" at the Moscow City Psychological and Pedagogical University Pyotr Dmitrievsky told Pravmir about the most typical modern problems and the reasons for their conflicts with parents.

Problems of modern children

was born in 1975 in Leningrad. In 1999 he graduated from the Institute of Asian and African Countries at Moscow State University. He worked as a translator from Japanese in the Karate Federation. Since 1999, on a voluntary basis, he has been managing a teenage parish club at the Church of the Holy Unmercenaries Cosmas and Damian in Shubin (Moscow). In 2009 he received his second higher education at the Moscow City Psychological and Pedagogical University and at the Faculty of Gestalt Therapy with Children and Family of MGI. Since 2010, she has been working at the Center for Social and Psychological Adaptation and Development of Adolescents "Perekrestok" at the Moscow State University of Psychology and Education.

- Peter, what problems of their adolescent children do parents who contact your center most often complain about?

- The most common complaint is that he (she) “wants nothing”. That is, it seems to parents that their child is not interested in anything important, is too passive.

We're trying to figure out why a teenager has become less curious about the world. Sometimes, after one or several conversations, it turns out that curiosity is left, it is just that what the teenager's soul lies in does not fit into the parent's system of values.

Of course, the Internet has dramatically changed the context of adolescent development, and many parents are concerned that their child spends too much time at the computer. We find out what exactly a teenager is looking for on the Internet, in computer games - sometimes the situation immediately softens and family members find a common language, and sometimes the problem turns out to be even more serious than the parents imagined. In these cases, long and painstaking work with the family is required.

For many of the younger generation, Internet communication almost completely replaces real life, a computer for such children is becoming the only way to relieve stress and cope with difficult experiences.

Another common problem that parents turn to us is the difficulty of their child in relations with classmates. Moreover, this happens both in shy, timid children, and in impulsive, physically very strong children, who, because of their impulsiveness, find it difficult to regulate their behavior. Such adolescents often admit at consultations that they cannot keep themselves within the framework. Their behavior creates discomfort for both peers and teachers, but it also hinders them.

We have special groups where, for two months, under the moderation of two psychologists, children learn to build relationships with peers through a series of games and exercises. In the first sessions, many are squeezed, afraid that if they share their experiences, others will reject them. But classes help them become more open, which is very important for communication with peers.

Participation in a group gives a teenager an excellent opportunity to learn how to build trusting relationships, notice manipulations and deal with them, get rid of stereotypes about themselves and others, and negotiate in a conflict situation.

Features of developmental psychology

- Isn't the tightness of the teenager, his unsociability connected with the loneliness that he feels in the family? Indeed, with the current rhythm of life, such inner loneliness is often also in outwardly prosperous, wealthy families. Parents send the child to a good school, in sections, circles, they do not refuse him anything, but they get so tired at work that even on weekends they do not find the strength to communicate with him, they are not interested in his inner world.

- It also happens, and I do not think that this is a sign of our time. Close relationships - both between spouses and between parents and children - have always required mental effort, and people instinctively tend to avoid tension. And the more effort is required to communicate with another, the more often people have a desire to evade this communication.

It simply does not happen with a teenager - he has an age crisis, a period of restructuring of relations with peers, with society, with himself, with parents, and humanly you can understand parents who, faced with the change in their child, his rudeness, unpredictable behavior, feel powerless and retreat. And the workload seems to be a good reason - for him they try.

In fact, running away from problems often makes them worse. It is important for parents to find strength for dialogue, given such a peculiarity of age as the desire to acquire more independence. The desire is natural - at the age of 12-13-14, the majority becomes more interested in communicating with their peers than with their parents. But while recognizing the adolescent's right to autonomy, the search for his own path, his philosophy, his circle of acquaintances, it is important to remember that, although he himself may not be aware of this, he needs the support of his parents and in a collision with the boundaries built by his parents.

Growing up is impossible without such boundaries, therefore, the upbringing of a teenager cannot be reduced to support and tender words - it is equally important to agree with him what is possible and what is not, who has what responsibilities in the family. Explain that living together in the same territory implies responsibility and the need to reach agreements. Here it is important for parents not to confuse stability and intelligibility with humiliation and cruelty.

- At the beginning of the year, everyone was shocked several in a row. The parents of some of these teenagers had no idea that their children were in serious trouble.

- According to the observations of suicidologists known to me, there was no significant surge in suicides, it was just that the media covered such tragic cases more actively for several days. This is really risky because adolescents tend to be imitators.

I cannot say, but I fully admit that one of the teenagers would not have dared to take the last fatal step if they had not heard about the suicide of another on the news. But whatever is the cause of suicide, it is never committed spontaneously. Any psychiatrist will tell you that it takes time from suicidal thoughts to their implementation.

Therefore, if the parents and teachers after the tragedy say that they did not notice anything, of course, it is a pity for them (especially the parents!), But it was necessary to make some efforts in order not to notice the signs of a mental crisis in the child at all. In a family it is sometimes difficult, and then it is important that adults at school can hedge the teenager.

That is why, among other things, it is necessary to establish psychological services. In the meantime, according to my observations, even in those schools where there are psychologists, they are overwhelmed with diagnostic work. That is, they have to conduct many tests to identify various characteristics in the classroom and give recommendations to teachers - these are the requirements for them.

I think that some of these recommendations for working with a certain group can be useful and effective, but with this understanding of work, the psychologist does not have time at all for individual work with a teenager, helping a specific student in passing difficulties. Moreover, the teachers do not have time for this - the curriculum becomes more complicated, and the number of hours devoted to the subject often remains the same. Therefore, teachers are completely focused on transferring knowledge, and they do not have time to build relationships with adolescents, in which the exchange of life experiences and support are possible.

Naturally, I am not generalizing. There are also teachers with a capital letter, who become for their students not just subject students, but also older friends, whose opinion is authoritative for adolescents, and psychologists who delve into the experiences of each student, helping him to find mutual understanding with teachers and parents.

But, of course, we would like to see more such specialists in the modern Russian school. Some educational institutions also seek external support. The Perekrestok Center actively cooperates with many schools, our psychologists conduct both group sessions and individual consultations there.

—— Do children often have a desire to withdraw, alienation from adults begins with poor performance at school? From my childhood I remember that many teachers immediately gave up on those who did not keep up with their subject. Sometimes parents also stop believing in their child, and this inevitably leads to low self-esteem, complexes that can take years to overcome.

- You have touched upon a very urgent problem. In psychology, there is even a term "stigmatization", which means endowing a person with a derogatory label, as a result of which he himself can believe in his worthlessness.

Of course, teenagers are especially sensitive to such labels. There are schools that practice an individual approach to each child, but there are still not so many of them. Some teachers lack the strength and competence to work with more complex children. And instead of trying to figure out why a child with intact intellect does not show interest in learning, the teachers in powerlessness begin to tell the child how stupid and unlucky he is. They do this, probably with the best intentions - they hope to awaken creative activity in him through shame. This is a deliberately hopeless upbringing system, but despite its hopelessness, it is widespread in Russian schools.

Parents usually go to one of two extremes in such situations. Either they unconditionally take the side of the teachers and begin to put pressure on the teenager with a united front, or, on the contrary, they say that the child is beautiful, and the school is to blame for everything. Both positions are unconstructive, but perhaps the lesser of two evils is when parents protect a “good” child from “bad” teachers.

A child needs adult support, so this kind of support is better than none. Of course, it would be more adult to sit down and understand the conflict in detail: what is the teacher's claim, what is the teenager's discontent? If the conversation proceeds in this vein, it is not far before the discovery of common goals and the achievement of clear agreements between the conflicting parties.

—And if there is no support, is it likely that the teenager will withdraw or even leave home?

- In any case, a teenager needs a circle in which he is accepted and appreciated. If he does not find this in socially acceptable forms, he will search in virtual reality or in asocial groups. Some do get involved with courtyard crime companies, but today, more often teenagers go from loneliness to virtual reality. Outwardly, it looks more safe - they do not smell glue, do not steal car radios from cars, but for the psyche it is still a risk.

- But even before the advent of the Internet, there were children who preferred solitude to games with their peers. Including many saints, for example. It is clear that monasticism is a path for a few, and an ordinary child cannot be oriented towards it, but, for example, in the Soviet atheistic society, some children spent all their time reading books or math problems. And some of them have been realized in science. Such children, of course, are also a minority, but they exist. Is it right to impose stereotypes on them? Do we break them this way?

- I fully admit that there are such children, and, of course, it is wrong to break them. In general, psychologists today are trying to move away from the cliché "norm-deviation". But in my practice, so far for a short time, I came across cases when a teenager has a need for communication, which he could not realize due to negative experience. That is, his isolation was not an organic choice, but a consequence of failures that gave rise to certain attitudes. Apparently, in the cases you are talking about, parents do not ask for our help.

And yet I think that hanging on the Internet can be more harmful than hours of reading or hobbies in the exact sciences. Naturally, one cannot agree with those who see only evil on the Internet. The Internet provides quick access to information, the ability to regularly communicate with peers from other cities and countries, practice in a foreign language, and expand knowledge in other subjects. But using the internet has its own risks. It is too early to draw general conclusions - these risks are just beginning to be studied, but there are already some observations.

For example, it can be said with confidence that when the Internet becomes the main, if not the only means of communication, the user's ability to deal with real people deteriorates. The teenagers who come to our groups (and most of them spend all their free time in the networks) find it very difficult to understand the emotions of the interlocutor. They are well versed in the texts, but they cannot learn something new about a person by his look, intonation. Yes, and they hear poorly - they are not used to live dialogue. In addition, it is difficult for them to keep their attention on one thing - after all, the Internet allows you to be in several windows at the same time: music, video, correspondence, forum. In multitasking mode, they feel like a fish in water, but it is not easy for them to focus on one task.

In the same way, the Internet differs significantly from a book. Reading a book is a useful pastime (of course, if the book is good), developing, hardly replaceable, but still monotonous, which comes down to receiving and assimilating textual information. There are not so many people for whom this occupation can replace everything else. On the Internet, there are texts, videos, music, pictures, communication, and the opportunity for creativity. It turns out that many needs for information, communication, entertainment can be satisfied without leaving the monitor.

Therefore, there are much more children hanging out on the Internet than book children who do not seek communication. Most of these children have a need for communication, they just prefer virtual communication to real communication. As more research is carried out, we will better understand how to survive this next civilizational shift, comparable to the invention of typography or the beginning of the use of fire, and what risks to the development of the psyche are posed by the spread of the Internet and computer games.

Overcoming the psychological crisis

—— The tradition of psychological assistance in Russia is just emerging. Maybe that's why some parents, when faced with certain problems of the child, immediately take him to a psychiatrist?

- Yes, there are such cases. Parents feel their powerlessness in some moments of the upbringing of a teenager and an acute desire to overcome this crisis moment as soon as possible. The easiest way in this situation is to attract some kind of external force. For some it is a psychiatrist, for others it is a cadet corps, but the logic is the same: instead of entering into dialogue, use force in the form of a pill or a paramilitary structure (“They’ll make a man out of you there!”).

I want to be understood correctly - I am not against cadet corps. There are guys for whom it suits. If a child has an interest in paramilitary games, a strict structure, clear tasks, a desire to be in a team, he will probably be interested in the cadet corps. But I am categorically against the cadet corps as a repressive measure of parents, when the interests and characteristics of the child are not taken into account at all. And this option for solving problems comes to minds of parents, perhaps no less often than the idea of ​​a visit to a psychiatrist. In despair, the parents decide to "push" the teenager into a rigid hierarchical system - since he refuses to obey them, let him obey other people's uncles. During adolescence, it is very important to gain experience of partnership, and such an educational measure does not contribute to this.

I have not yet encountered the consequences of such measures - in my memory and in my practice, there were several cases when parents, as a result of conversations with me or my colleagues, abandoned the idea of ​​giving their child for re-education to the cadet corps and found a solution to the problem in negotiations and clarification of mutual resentment.

—- Have you encountered the consequences of treatment by a psychiatrist when there was no need for it?

- More often it happens that a child who, at the suggestion of his parents, is monitored by a psychiatrist and takes medications, medication is really needed at the moment, but in combination with psychotherapeutic work. Such a combination is necessary not only for children, but also for adults, if we are not talking about severe mental pathology and a person's intellect is preserved. Well, in Russian psychiatry, the emphasis is often placed on drug treatment.

But we, of course, do not question the doctor's appointment. The last thing is to compete with a specialist in another field, it is much more important to integrate into the situation that developed before the family came to us. Still, cases when a doctor mistakenly prescribes psychotropic drugs for a child are rare. It is simply better to start drug treatment and psychotherapeutic assistance at the same time.

And by the way, if the parents first bring the child to us, this is what happens. We see that if a child needs not only our help, but also medical help, psychologists are taught this, and, without refusing to work with the family, we recommend that parents show him to a psychiatrist. We have acquaintances of child psychiatrists, in whose sensitivity and qualifications we are confident. Therefore, it is more correct, in my opinion, not to drag the child directly to a psychiatrist, but first come with him to a psychologist. Except, of course, in cases where mental abnormalities are obvious. But this is a separate topic. At the Perekrestok center they work with adolescents who do not have severe pathologies.

- Many believers, including priests, said that at a transitional age, their children began to rebel, stopped going to church. Experienced confessors advise in such cases to accept this rebellion as a fait accompli, not to force the child to go to church, but to pray for him, hoping that with God's help he will return to church life after some time. And some do return. But the majority of Orthodox parents are neophytes, and neophytes do not tend to listen to the advice of spiritually more experienced people, but they tend to want everything to be according to the rules, pious. I don’t know, however, whether people with such problems turn to your center - after all, neophytes, to put it mildly, are highly suspicious of psychology.

- Nevertheless, this problem is just very familiar to me. You are right - no one came here in my memory with such problems, but since 1999 I have been running the teenage parish club at the Church of Cosmas and Damian in Shubin. And there I came across such cases more than once.

We have already discussed with you that at a transitional age, a child begins to assert himself, wants to be an adult, independent. And many during the period of this self-affirmation reject the values ​​that their parents instilled in them. Accordingly, children from believing Orthodox families begin to rebel against the Church and Christianity as the main value of their parents.

Like any difficultly controlled situation, the anti-church revolt of children can confuse and confuse parents. And here there are also attempts to solve the problem by attracting a rigid external structure, in this case - a religious-ascetic one. The initial goal of this practice is to contribute to the spiritual growth of a person, to make his life richer, more interesting, freer, but unreasonably zealous parents and can use it to "educate" a child who has strayed from their hands.

Humanly, the feelings of parents, fear for their children, the desire to save them from tragic mistakes are understandable. But without testing the world for strength and receiving feedback from this world, a child cannot become an adult, and mistakes are inevitable on this path. And parents always have a choice: either to provide support and watch how the child sometimes enjoys life, and sometimes receives negative feedback, feeling pain from his mistakes, or try to drive him into some kind of cage, where, most likely, he will not mistakes, but creative growth is impossible.

With all the hopelessness of the second option, many parents prefer it because of fear for the future. If we talk about the experience of anti-church rebellion by believing parents, I remember cases when people tried to drag a child to confession by force, or send him to an Orthodox camp with strict discipline in the hope that there he would learn to regulate his command.

As a rule, this does not happen, the teenager still finds a way to bypass the restraining mechanisms, continues his own worldview searches, and comprehends his relationship with God. If he does not find an opportunity for such comprehension, then, it happens, he rudely breaks the relationship. Such adolescents either go into open conflict, or, worse, go into latent opposition, when outwardly all the attributes are in place (handkerchiefs, a humble look, an unctuous voice), but at the first opportunity they go into even greater "runaway" than their comrades, rioters openly. Any ignorance by adults of the adolescent's needs, including the need to build their meanings, their philosophy, leads to psychological problems.

About modern teenagers and their parents

- Metropolitan Anthony of Sourozh said that often people make up a project to which another person must correspond. For example, parents know in advance what the happiness of their children is. Is it often the reason for generational conflicts and alienation of children that they do not correspond to the parental scenario?

- It seems to me that any normal parent has some ideas and ideas about what should come out of his child. It is impossible to raise children without such ideas. It is impossible to demand from parents one hundred percent spontaneity and joy from any self-expression of the child. It's good that there are ideas - they set some kind of family tradition.

But we are all born with different abilities, inclinations, features of the nervous system, and often what happens to a child does not correspond to parental expectations. Now, if parents do not want to respond flexibly to this reality, difficulties arise, sometimes leading to serious conflicts.

It is better to immediately understand the reasons for this discrepancy. It may be not only about the child - it would be good for parents to understand the motives for which they have formed precisely such ideas about upbringing. It's no secret that sometimes the primary thing is not love for a child, but a desire to prove something to mom or girlfriends.

And sometimes the problematic behavior of a teenager is a consequence, a reaction to the fact that there is a crisis in the parental couple. So we must try to understand where the clarification of relations with relatives and acquaintances is, and where is the fate of the child, which, I hope, is dearer than all grievances and competition. A visit to a family psychologist and a study of the events taking place in the family can help here.

Maybe not quite a suitable comparison, but I remembered how Kuklachev was asked why he is doing so well. And he replied that he always monitors which cat has a predisposition for what, and he follows this, and does not torment the animal to please his ideas. In my opinion, such a principle is all the more suitable for the education of a person. If parents are sensitive to the interests and abilities of the child, there is a better chance that he will develop harmoniously.

- The parents themselves were children, teenagers. Why, then, do they often fail to understand that their children's problems are related to age? Have you forgotten about your childhood or our information age has given rise to new problems?

- Both factors play a role. Much of his childhood is really forgotten over the years. Quite often, the mother, complaining about the child, says that there was nothing like this in her childhood, and when we start talking to her, it turns out that she had conflicts with her parents and got into risky situations. When my mother remembers this, she is surprised at herself. Myths about their past, of course, make it difficult to establish a dialogue with children, to understand their problems.

But the context has also changed. If 200 years ago people from generation to generation lived in approximately the same way, in the same way, now civilizational shifts occur during the life of one person. In this sense, parents and children literally live in different civilizations - on the same territory, but the ways of organizing their lives are very different. Nevertheless, there are things that unite people from different civilizations. For example, food or a trip to the sea. Things are pretty mundane, but through them you can come to joint deeper interests. Only for the meeting of generations to occur, creative efforts are required from both adults and adolescents. This is the challenge of time.

Another feature of the current era is that an authoritarian upbringing system may have been suitable for Soviet civilization, but if you raise a child in this way today, it looks like it will be difficult for him in the modern world. Now, to be successful, you need to be able to respond flexibly to non-standard situations and have the skill of negotiation. And where can you get it, if not in the family?

Interviewed by Leonid Vinogradov

Maria, mother of 14-year-old Kirill, says: “My son came home late almost every day. He seemed moody and absent-minded, had long hair, did poorly in school, and ate little. When I found a pack of cigarettes in his jacket, I realized that we had problems. "

Adolescence is the age of change. Adolescents are vulnerable and can develop bad habits that can develop into serious problems as adults. Quite often teenagers have behavioral problems and their parents can't do anything about it.

Let's take a look at what problems teenagers face most often and what parents can do about it.

How to deal with adolescent problems

Adolescence is not easy for both children and their parents. The only way to deal with adolescent problems is to know everything about them and be prepared for them. Let's take a look at the most common problems teenagers face.

1. Physical changes

Physical changes in adolescents occur due to changes in their hormonal levels.

• Girls develop breasts and may be uncomfortable at first.
• Girls are beginning to become aware of their figure.
• Boys' voices break and facial hair begins to grow. This is the most noticeable change that happens to them during adolescence.
• The main problem for teenagers is acne.
• Muscle mass increases in adolescents. This sometimes leads to being overweight.
• Body odor increases.
• Girls begin their menstrual cycle.

The best way to help your child get through this period is to tell him about the changes that are happening to him.

• Explain to your teen that body changes are normal. Every teenager goes through this.
• Help your teen adapt to change: acknowledge the change yourself and help your child acknowledge it.
• Teach your child to eat a healthy diet and exercise. This will guarantee their health and good physical shape.

2. Emotional changes

Changes in hormonal levels cause not only physical, but also emotional changes in adolescents.

• Adolescence is the transition period between childhood and adulthood. Teenagers are often embarrassed about this: they, like adults, have responsibilities, and like children, they have desires.
• Teenagers can be overly emotional (and this is also related to hormones). Literally anything can make them happy, sad, or angry.
• Teenage girls are too vulnerable and cry a lot.
• Frequent mood swings are common in both boys and girls.
• Physical changes cause self-reflection in adolescents.
• Children who reach puberty early may feel strange.
• In adolescence, children often realize their own inferiority, or, conversely, superiority over others.
• During adolescence, children often have thoughts of sex. This can make them feel guilty.

Adolescence is about constant swings in emotions. And that's okay. You can help your child cope with emotional problems.

• Help your teen take care of herself. Tell him that it’s okay to feel what he’s feeling.
• Encourage your child to exercise. Physical activity maintains levels of the "happiness hormone" serotonin in the body, which is responsible for positive feelings.
• Let your teen talk. Listen to it without judgment. Do not give him advice if he is not ready for it.
• Talk to your teen about your teenage years. This will let him know that it’s okay to feel the way he does.
• Motivate your child to do what he likes, as this will help him channel emotions in a creative direction.

3. Behavioral changes

Emotions overwhelming a teenager can lead him to impulsive behavior, which, in turn, can harm both himself and those around him. Impulsive behavior is typical of children of this age and lasts throughout adolescence.

• Adolescence is a time when children strive for independence. They question the rules set by their parents and do what they think is right.
• The brain develops intensively in adolescents. This makes them capricious and stubborn.
• Hormonal changes in adolescent boys push them into physical opposition. They also enjoy listening to loud music.
• In an effort to become more independent, teens want to try new things and take risks. This manifests itself in reckless behavior.
• Sometimes peer pressure and the need to comply with their company rules create bad habits in teens that are difficult to change.
• Teenage fashion changes frequently. Your teen's clothes and hairstyle may not be to your liking.
• The most dangerous thing in adolescence is that a teenager can connect with bad company and develop dangerous habits.
• Lying is one of the most common behavioral problems among adolescents. Teens lie to avoid conflict with their parents or out of fear.

• Behavioral problems in adolescents bring a lot of inconvenience to parents. But remember that this is a temporary phase and is quite normal.
• In order to correct your teen's behavior, it is important to gain their trust. Talk to him and listen to him. Do not criticize - it can only aggravate the situation.
• Make it clear to your teen that you love him the way he is. Motivate him to always be himself, and not to adapt to others.
• Remember that a teenager is to some extent dependent on his emotions, and therefore needs your support. Help him: tell him what you do when you feel sad, angry, jealous, etc. Your tips will help him cope with his own emotional problems.
• If you see that your child is in bad company, you need to intervene. However, remember that teens are sensitive and can take criticism sharply.

4. Smoking, alcohol and drugs

Teenagers are easily influenced by bad influences. The biggest problems faced by parents of teenagers around the world are smoking, alcohol and drug use.

• Most often, teenagers try cigarettes, alcohol or drugs under peer pressure.
• The propensity for risky behavior prompts many adolescents to try alcohol or drugs before they come of age.
• "Thrills", if not stopped, can develop into a bad habit.
• If a parent of a teenager smokes or drinks alcohol, this can be a role model.
• Low self-esteem or a desire to appear "cool" can lead a teenager to use alcohol or drugs.
• If alcohol or cigarettes are readily available to a teenager, he is tempted to try them.

• Be mindful of your child's behavior. Pay attention to whether he is losing his appetite, whether he is sleeping well, and whether he is experiencing sudden mood swings.
• Do not follow your child or accuse him of any wrongdoing. Encourage him to be honest and share his thoughts with you. Discuss his problems with him.
• If your child does not want to talk to you, doctors may ask him several questions to find out if he is using alcohol or drugs. Do not force your child to be tested for drugs, as this can lead to conflicts between you.
• If absolutely necessary, seek medical attention.

5. Learning difficulties

Adolescence is the period when children graduate from school and prepare to enter higher education. They have more study-related activities.

• The pressure to study well and go to college can cause stress and sadness in a teenager.
• Learning homework, tutoring, and doing household chores can often lead to overwork.
• Activities that distract the child from their studies are a path to poor academic performance and additional pressure on the teenager.

• Encourage your children to learn. They need it in order to achieve success in life.
• It is worth reducing the amount of household chores for your teenager so that he can focus on his studies.
• Eating a healthy diet and exercising can help your teen gain strength and stamina. The child needs this to cope with difficulties in this difficult period.
• If you feel that your child is overwhelmed with tutoring, cut back on it. A teenager does not have the same stamina as an adult, and he gets tired faster.

6. Health problems

Teenagers are often vulnerable - emotionally and physically. Without proper nutrition and care for their health, they are susceptible to various diseases.

• Teens often have a busy schedule. Between classes, they do not have time to rest and eat properly, and because of this, they do not get enough nutrients.
• Thoughts about their bodies can lead adolescents, especially girls, to eating disorders. Girls worry about their appearance and weight, which can cause anorexia or bulimia.
• Stress in adolescents is a pathway to loss of appetite or insomnia.
• Lack of healthy diet and physical activity often leads to obesity. This happens, for example, when a child eats high-calorie foods, fast food and sodas.

Parenting guidance can help teens cope with health problems and develop healthy lifestyle skills. As a role model, encourage your child to eat healthy foods, exercise, and get enough sleep.

• Make sure your teen is getting the nutrients they need. Provide a balanced diet for your baby.
• Provide your teen with emotional and physical support. This will help him cope with a variety of troubles.

7. Psychological problems

Research has shown that about 50% of mental disorders that affect adults begin around the age of 14. One third of teenage deaths are associated with depression-related suicide. Therefore, if your child is prone to frequent mood swings, if he suffers from insomnia or loss of appetite, you should seek the help of a specialist.

• Teens may have problems with self-esteem or self-confidence. Feelings of inferiority, or, conversely, superiority, often arise from the appearance or acceptance of their bodies by adolescents.
• Poor academic performance and low intelligence levels can also reduce adolescent motivation. They develop the attitude that they are not good enough.
• One of the most common psychological problems in adolescents is depression.
• Constant stress can lead to anxiety in adolescents, and mood swings can often lead to behavioral or oppositional defiant disorder.
• Eating disorders are also associated with psychological problems associated with low self-esteem and adolescent tendencies to change their appearance at all costs.

Although tantrums and mood swings are fairly common in adolescents, this is not the only evidence of psychological problems in children of this age. Determining the symptoms of these problems can be difficult and sometimes requires the help of a specialist.

• In many cases, living a healthy lifestyle and talking to your teenager about their problems can prevent depression.
• If your teen has frequent mood swings, you should seek professional help.
• Sometimes a teenager only feels bad at home, feeling quite normal with friends or at school. Talk to your teen's teachers and friends about how they are doing. If there is still cause for concern, take action.
• Don't ignore your teen's feelings as this can make the situation worse.
• Encourage your child to communicate with you. Talk to him yourself. If you think your teen will find it difficult to talk to you, talk to him in the car, where you will not be face to face with him.

8. Dating and relationship

During puberty, adolescents begin to be attracted to the opposite sex. During this period, their genitals begin to develop. Teenagers can feel uncomfortable in a variety of social situations.

• Teenagers are in search of an image of their own "I". They look for role models at home or among their social circle.
• Teens often think about what is right and wrong. They doubt many things.
• Teens take time to explore and embrace their sexuality. Both girls and boys have “strange” feelings towards the opposite sex and often don’t know what to do about it.
• During adolescence, children start dating. They are reluctant to talk about it with their parents.
• Competition is another important aspect of adolescent social life. Teenagers compete with each other in everything. This is a testament to their self-esteem.
• Thoughts and feelings about sex may not seem right to your teenager. He may feel guilty about it.
• The teenager's social circle is expanding. He communicates with friends live, on the phone, on social networks, etc.

• Dating and relationships are sensitive issues that a teenager may be reluctant to talk about. Don't embarrass him. If you talk to your teen about such topics, do it confidently and judiciously.
• Accept that your teen is spending more time with friends than with you. Just let him know that you will always be there when he needs it.
• Share your life experiences with your teen. Tell stories that happened to you as a teenager. This might be helpful.

9. Sexual health and sexually transmitted diseases

The development of secondary sexual characteristics in adolescents causes them unusual feelings and pushes them to explore their bodies.

• At this age, teenagers have their first kiss, first slow dance, first date, etc.
• Without parental guidance, a teenager may be sexually active before she is ready. This can lead to unwanted pregnancy. This is the biggest risk teenage girls face.
• Unprotected sex can also lead to various sexually transmitted diseases.

• Talk to your child about sex life. Your job is to explain to him the importance of safe sex.
• Hormonal changes cause teenagers to act impulsively. Therefore, you should talk to your teen about the consequences of unprotected sex and how it can affect the rest of your life.
• Awareness is the only way to prevent early pregnancy and STDs in adolescents.

10. Internet- addiction

• Teens can spend hours talking on the phone, texting on social media, or just playing games.
• Internet-addicted teens tend to have fewer friends and a less active social life. They spend time in seclusion in front of the monitor.
• Internet addiction also reduces the physical activity of adolescents. This creates an unhealthy and sedentary lifestyle.
• Internet addiction negatively affects teenage academic performance.

• If a teenager spends a lot of time at the computer, this does not mean that he is addicted to the Internet. But he could make better use of the time he spends at the computer.
• Do not prevent your teenager from using the Internet. It will only make him more stubborn. Instead, motivate your son or daughter to do other things.
• You can control the child, but he is likely to perceive it in a hostile way. Remember that he is no longer a toddler and has the right to make independent decisions. Encourage children to make the right decisions, but never make decisions for them.
• Organize activities that get your teen to interact with other people, such as family dinners.
• Establish restrictions on the use of electronic devices in your home. For example, determine the hours when a teenager is not allowed to use a cell phone. Also, prohibit keeping the phone in your teen's bedroom, as this could harm their sleep patterns.

11. Aggression and cruelty

Aggression is especially common in adolescent boys. Their muscles develop, their voice coarsens, they increase in growth. They also become more emotionally vulnerable.

• Teens often get into fights at school.
• Worse, they may start bullying their peers. This can develop into a serious problem.
• Teens can get caught up in bad company and commit illegal activities.
• The impulsive behavior of adolescents can have serious consequences. According to the World Health Organization, 180 adolescents around the world die each year from peer violence.

• Teach children to be kind and considerate in their relationships with others. This will prevent possible manifestations of aggression.
• Prevent your teenager from accessing alcohol and dangerous items (such as weapons).
• Teach your child compassion. Show him a good example of this.
• Try to keep your child safe from violent films, books, and television programs at an age when they are not yet able to distinguish between what is good and what is bad.
• Offer your child sports and exercise as a way to release negative emotions. This will help him understand that it’s okay to be angry if he can find a way to express his anger.

When you are aware, it means you can help.

You were once teenagers yourself. But once your child enters adolescence, you feel like you know absolutely nothing about adolescents. Understand - you have already gone through everything that your teenager is facing. Be attentive and try to understand how he is feeling. This will help to deal with many problems.

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Psychological problems and difficult searches accompany the life of a child during the transition period into adulthood. They prove their independence to their parents, build relationships with their peers, develop new ethical and social principles for themselves, learning about the world from previously unknown sides. With a sense of altered self-awareness comes individual and collective responsibility, and this comes with many complications.

Problems of adolescents appear from 13 to 16 years old

The main problems of adolescence are associated with relationships with parents and with peers.

Causes of emerging problems

Parenting mistakes are one of the most common psychological causes that cannot be called diseases in the conventional sense, but they are akin to them. Often they come against the will of the child, and when he most of all wants understanding and support, instead of them he receives condemnation and pressure.

Adolescence starts at 11-12 years old

The behavior model of a child at this age depends on the type of his character, the society that surrounds him, lifestyle, material wealth, family composition and many others.

A teenager pays attention to those values ​​that help him determine and form his own attitude towards the world around him. It is good if he is satisfied with the present and at the same time is looking into the future. But this is not always the case.

The main problems of adolescents

It is easiest for him to communicate with peers, and if this is not the case, the child remains deeply traumatized. He wants to get to know each other, to be liked, to share the interests and norms of the group he likes, to maintain his independence and individuality, to express his feelings and express his opinion without fear. As quickly as possible, a teenager strives to become an adult, it is important for him that everyone understands this. An example to follow is an active and successful person with a focus on achievement. The teenager dreams and fantasizes, comes up with his own laws and condemns the behavior of the adults around him.

Reasons for inadequacy and fears

Psychological inconsistency is inherent in adolescence. Often they cannot articulate what they really want. Shyness and aggressiveness can coexist in one person, he gravitates to extremes. Faced with dangers, a teenager overcomes difficulties and, with their successful passage, accumulates new experience. With the development of awareness, he understands others better and gradually acquires support for further growth.

Inconsistency of adolescents is one of the reasons for conflict

At this age, a teenager fully begins to understand the categories of the past and the future, he discovers that being is finite, and this causes him anxiety and fear. Only the awareness of his independence and individuality inspires confidence in him. At this time, it is important for him to find understanding, the ability to reconcile his own feelings with the mood of others and adapt to established norms.

It is especially dangerous when a big difference is determined between the feeling of one's ideal “I” and what it really is.

What affects adolescents

For this reason, problems of early adolescence and abnormal behavior in society appear. Psychologists explain this situation by the lack of a positive attitude towards oneself, the obligatory components of which are:

• positive attitude towards other people;
• Confidence in your strength;
• a sense of self-worth as a result of communication and activity.

Otherwise, after mistakes in communication, the teenager declares that no one needs him, they do not understand him and do not like him.

Adolescence - the main signs

At this age, a person, along with mental maturation, undergoes a global restructuring of the physiological state. He has increased attention to his body, he is worried and disturbed by the comments of other people. He tends to exaggerate even minor flaws in his appearance from the accepted norms. Any opinion from others is part of his self-image, be it a compliment or criticism.

Self-esteem and its effect on behavior

Conflicts often relate to the attitude of adults towards adolescents, whose opinions affect their self-esteem. Awkward, inadequate and abusive attitude causes aggressive or depressive behavior of the adolescent, and in some cases, they turn into chronic neuroses.

The formation of self-esteem is influenced by a sense of belonging to a particular social group and an awareness of one's own significance. Ownership is always security. This important feeling arises from infancy, and during the period of growing up it is tested for strength by rebuilding. A sense of self-worth strengthens the approval of others and competence in any area of ​​activity.

Self-esteem of adolescents - how it is formed in different ways

Low self-esteem can be the result of past violence, a wrong mental attitude, dependent on the opinions of other people, and the indifference of loved ones. It is important for parents and educators to know about its meaning for a teenager and about the consequences of its violation. To a child, the whole world may seem hostile to social manifestations, he perceives everything as a threat to his safety, life appears in black color, which he does not try to correct. He does not know how to build relationships, he is ashamed of his appearance and is prone to condemnation of others.

Adequate self-esteem makes a person gullible and benevolent to the world. Difficulties for him are an opportunity for growth. He is sure that it will not be him, the world will become worse.

The formation of self-esteem is a long-term process; both parents and teachers take part in its development.

Irritability and irascibility

Adolescents strive to change, but due to their minority they cannot perform the actions characteristic of adults. Sex is the most accessible means of self-affirmation, everything else is still closed, and adolescents feel left out. Unconsciously, they sense injustice and are ready for an outbreak of anger at any moment. Another reason for irascibility is changes in the hormonal background of the body, the state of which can be compared with premenstrual syndrome.

Almost all teenagers are very irritable.

Aloofness and lack of communication

Conditions that are associated with the conflict between the child and society. He perceives the assessment of himself and his behavior on the part of others as an indisputable characteristic, not taking into account that his peers or adults from his environment may be biased or ruthless. The child feels like an outcast and, without feeling support, constantly finds confirmation. This forces the child to hide and seek protection so as not to receive another psychological trauma.

Alienation of adolescents manifests itself in ignoring adults

Assessment imposed by peers, educators and parents is extremely difficult to change at this age.

Conformism

Adaptability and lack of principle make the teenager be the same as is accepted in his group or his environment. Striving to be fashionable is a clear manifestation of conformism. In the atmosphere of advertising distribution, this feature is very common.

In adolescents, conformism takes on an exaggerated content, sometimes he is afraid to be different from everyone else and to lag behind the rules of the group to which he belongs. This mood makes the child dependent on peers, and at a distance from them he feels uncomfortable. By adjusting, a teenager can do things that are harmful and illegal.

Conformity of adolescents is shaped by the influence of the environment

To prevent this from happening, it is important for the child to be able to say "no" to what will hurt him. It takes courage and confidence. He needs to know that the ability to say no is cool and worthy of respect. The one who knows how to defend his position is most often a leader. Should a teenager refuse at least once, his confidence in his abilities grows.

Drugs and drug addiction

Everyone knows about the dangers of drugs and the harmful effects of drug use, however, the problem remains. Conformism is often to blame. It is difficult for a child to refuse if everyone he considers to be his friends is doing it. It seems to him that, having refused, he will be considered a stranger. For the sake of confidence and stability of his position in the group, the teenager first tries drugs and after that he cannot stop.

Adolescent protest translates into prohibited activities

Drug addiction at this age is especially dangerous because the part of the brain that determines the creative direction of activity is not sufficiently formed. Drugs stop its development and it is extremely difficult to reanimate the ability to be creative without medication.

Addiction of adolescents - a way of protesting

In adolescence, the child revises his scale of values, accepts those that help him enter a new stage of life. Ideally, over time, the child socializes, his goals become more conscious and aimed at everyone's benefit.

Adolescence is a serious challenge for both the child and his parents. Teenagers often argue with their parents, while being rude to them in an attempt to achieve greater independence and a minimum of control from adults. This is a natural stage of adolescent growing up, however, parents have to deal with self-respect during this period.

In situations where your teen's behavior becomes more problematic, it is important to deal with the difficult situation before it gets out of your control. Let's take a look at some of the common challenges facing today's adolescents and how parents can help them.

The main problems of modern adolescents

Teens are obsessed with gadgets

The current younger generation spends most of their free time on social networks, for them it is a way to stay always in touch with their friends. Many teenagers are fond of computer games and do not consider this hobby to be their problem at all. However, spending too much time on the Internet can interfere with other aspects of their lives, such as school, home help, and self-development.

To avoid many problems with the child in the future, install a computer in the common room at home so that you can monitor the teenager. Enter a rule for temporarily limiting the use of your computer. In addition, you can set parental controls to block sites and programs with inappropriate content.

Teens are rude to their parents

Rudeness, hostility, and rudeness are very clear changes in adolescent behavior and one of the main problems of modern adolescents. You may not even notice when your affectionate child has turned into an irritable teenager who behaves disrespectfully, speaks rude and ignores all your rules. Teenagers begin to behave according to their own patterns of behavior, which should be different from the behavior of their parents.

Unfortunately, at this age, adolescents value the opinion of their friends much more than the opinion of their relatives. There is a small danger in this, since adolescents are largely amenable to other people's influence. Be that as it may, it is important to demonstrate to the child the basic norms of behavior, and establish a rule of respectful communication in the family.

The teenager often breaks out and rebelles

Any words provoke a teenager to rage and anger. Mood swings and mood swings are a daily problem adolescents face. It is common for teenagers to scream and immediately cry, stamp their feet and run to another room. And all of these emotional reactions can be very spontaneous and violent. They are often the result of physical and hormonal changes that the growing child is going through. However, this behavior seriously complicates communication with him and prevents him from establishing a trusting calm relationship.

Try changing your parenting tactics. For example, instead of moralizing and giving advice, empathize with him. This will help you avoid unnecessary family conflicts.

Teenagers tell lies

There are many reasons a teenager might lie. And he does not at all think that lying can become a problem for a teenager. Although he can lie, for example, in order to hide some facts from his parents.

It seems to adolescents that they are thus asserted in their independence and independence. Of course, when a child hides the details of his life, this can alert parents. They may think that the teenager fell into a bad company and is engaged in illegal business. It can also mean that the teenager will not turn to you for help if he needs it.

In this case, if you often convict a child of lying, first of all, take care of your reputation. That is, if you are too strict a parent for a child and he thinks that you will kill him for his fault, then of course he will be afraid to tell you everything.

Only trusting, partnerships, an atmosphere of mutual understanding and trust can break down the barriers between you and your teenager. Let him know that you will forgive him for his mistake, but do not stop being demanding and consistent in your upbringing.

The teenager comes home late

Teens often deliberately violate the established curfew. Such a protest can be an unconscious expression of independence.

Before starting a scandal, try to find out if the curfew imposed by his friends' parents is really much later than yours. Make a promise from your child that you will be late. And conduct preventive conversations with your child so that he is warned about the consequences of antisocial and illegal actions.

Teen chooses bad friends

You may feel that some of your growing child's friends are having a negative influence on him. However, this is not always a cause for alarm and is often unjustified.

A teenager can be very attached to his friends. And then any criticism directed at them will be perceived sharply, as personal criticism. In order not to lose the child's trust, it is better to refrain from harsh unfounded remarks towards his friends.

The only exception can be a company of drug addicts, bandits and other antisocial groups. Here it is necessary to intervene in time, isolate and relieve him of this problem of modern adolescents.

Problems of adolescents of an intimate nature

For adolescents, an increased interest in sex is natural, due to the increase in hormonal changes in the body. It is important to make sure that the child has a healthy understanding of the possible consequences of unprotected sex.

Teenager is a bad student

Or does not want to study at all. This is another problem of modern adolescents. The thing is that a teenage child's horizons are significantly broadened, his worldview is changing, and in itself, studying at school becomes less valuable for him.

Learning motivation decreases, especially during the period of active growth of a teenager at about 13-14 years old. And this is exactly the period when there is still 5 years before leaving school and the teenager simply loses internal motivation. That is, he thinks: "why study if there are so many different perspectives around?" or "Biology is not useful to me in my life"

In order to help the teenager, it's time to do career guidance. Make him reflect on the question of professional self-determination, starting with the simplest: "What do you want to do in life?"

Even if the child will sharply answer you: "Nothing!" believe that within himself he will seek the answer. And it is also very important to bring the results of school studies closer. Tell your child why it is needed, explain the importance and significance of it for his future learning.