Jealousy kills feelings. How to get rid of jealousy

Everyone knows the saying: " Jealous means he loves". But it does not always reflect the truth in our life. After all, love should be based on trust. It is very offensive to understand that your loved one does not trust you.

Healthy manifestation jealousy really feeds the power of passion, and love grows stronger. But more often than not, jealousy carries a whole range of negative emotions. Jealousy is a destructive feeling. Indeed, when jealousy is manifested, the one who is jealous and the one who is jealous suffers. A jealous person experiences and cannot discard thoughts that are hated by himself, and the one who is jealous suffers, accepting unreasonable reproaches and accusations in his address.

Jealousy - this is a desire to limit the freedom of a loved one, therefore, it is based on the feeling of the owner: do not touch mine! Usually people who experience an inferiority complex to one degree or another are jealous. Jealousy tends to eat away at a person from the inside. By virtue of his nature, a jealous person watches, catches and interrogates no worse than an investigator. Wanting to confirm his suspicions, he does not sleep at night and demands proof of his own fantasies. Even when the situation has already been discussed and the loved one has proved that he was faithful, the worm of doubt remains and self-torture begins inside the jealous person. He loses all sense of proportion and begins to be jealous even "to the stake." Every look thrown towards the "object of his desire" by a stranger becomes a reason for family scandals.

Naturally, sooner or later such relations bore the person who is jealous. Instead of love and care, a jealous person gives his loved one only irritation and distrust. Jealousy destroys those feelings that burned, maybe more than one year. She eats love, leaving only black ashes from the fire. Jealousy kills love and creates deep feelings of hatred. Maybe they say the truth, where jealousy begins - there love ends.

Jealousy inherent in people who are initially suspicious, with an unstable character and self-doubt, who have psychological complexes. Some people do not feel jealous at all. They completely trust their soul mates and consider jealous below their dignity. Such people are self-confident and believe that it is very difficult to find a replacement worthy of him. If you are jealous, then try to figure it out, people who are not jealous and loving themselves can do the right thing. You, too, are worthy of love and respect, and no less than the person you are jealous of. Each person has his own strengths and weaknesses, you do not need to underestimate yourself and see only the bad sides in yourself. Before letting your relationship collapse, find out if you really have grounds for jealousy. If there is no evidence of cheating, it is better to let go of bad thoughts and trust your loved one.

But if jealous I am sure that the other half is cheating on him, then it can come to a break in relations. Someone graciously forgives, believing that without a loved one it will only get worse. But jealousy remains and very often it becomes a habit. Jealousy does not allow such people to sleep at night and is accompanied by chronic stress, from which a wide variety of diseases are at hand.

Jealousy, penetrating into our life changes our personality... A jealous person's values \u200b\u200band beliefs change. He loses confidence in people, which is why we often hear from women: "all men are deceivers and liars." Losing love, the jealous person becomes unclear what to live for. His level of satisfaction with life falls and life turns into a simple existence. Some people, on the basis of painful jealousy, completely abandon affection and sex, so as not to receive more such suffering. Often this happens unconsciously, and the person does not even understand why he has lost all interest in the opposite sex.

This undermining of the meaning of life is reflected in career, in business and striving to achieve something in life. Professional life begins to deteriorate, along with the disappearance of the personal incentive to live. Jealousy undermines our lives much more than just family quarrels and scandals. In such situations, seek help from psychologists.

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Jealousy is an agonizing doubt about someone's loyalty and love. This is one of the most pernicious feelings. It destroys families, kills love, causes serious illnesses. I have to deal with people suffering from jealousy almost every day.

A man came to the appointment with severe headaches that appeared after a concussion. As soon as he entered the office, I immediately understood what was the reason, the stump had to be addressed to his subconscious. When you work with people for a long time, you quickly begin to intuitively notice the main features of their character.

And the reason is banal - jealousy of his wife. There was no evidence of her betrayal, but there were suspicions and doubts. Consequence of jealousy - concussion and headaches. After all, jealousy first of all "hits" on the head, as it is based on hatred. After working on myself, the pains disappeared and the relationship with my wife improved.

Parental jealousy can lead to serious illness in children.

Recently, a family with a small child came to the reception. The child has recently had epileptic seizures. The reason is the same - jealousy. The fact is that the child's father is already over 50, and the mother recently turned 30. He was jealous of her for the slightest reason and for no reason. In addition to jealousy, there were other manifestations of high subconscious aggression. All this affected the child, and his level of subconscious aggression is much higher than that of his parents. In this case, the disease is a signal to parents to change their behavior and worldview.

Jealousy not only destroys a relationship, but it can be an obstacle to establishing one.

One man who recently turned 40 years old cannot start a family in any way. There is not even just a long-term relationship with women - they will meet a little and run away. His parents worry about him, condemn that there is no family. Mother went to various fortune tellers and psychics. They say that he was jinxed, that he was “done”, that a wall separates him from the women. They are, they say, women, they call him, pull him to themselves, but he doesn't seem to hear or see them.

But the reason is in himself. And this reason is jealousy. Jealousy is this wall. Moreover, it is so strong that his subconscious mind does not allow him to have stable relationships with women. Because as soon as his relationship with a woman becomes stable or legal, a self-destruction program will start. That is why his subconscious mind creates all sorts of obstacles, keeping him alive.

Jealousy is a complex feeling, consisting of several: anger, anger, hatred, resentment, doubt, self-pity and insecurity, contempt. Each of these feelings bears fruit.

A jealous person hates his sexual partner, his rival, and himself. Thus, it forms a classic love triangle! If you have even a drop of jealousy - wait, the triangle will soon be. You yourself will create it with your jealousy. People create problems for themselves, and then blame others for it.

Jealousy, like any other feeling, has its own positive intentions:

The intentions are really great. Everyone wants to love and be loved, to be calm about their relationship with a loved one. But it's high time to realize that jealousy has never made a relationship stronger. On the contrary, it kills love. Hate and love are incompatible.

How is jealousy born and how to get rid of it?

First. Jealousy is a sign that you are hooked on a relationship as a result, afraid of losing someone who is dear to you. But you cannot treat a loved one as your property. Nothing belongs to us in this world, not even our own life.

A loved one should not be the goal of your whole life. It is not an end - it is a vehicle for expressing your feelings. Remove it from the "pedestal" and place it next to you.

Let go of feelings of possessiveness and fear of being abandoned. Change the attitude towards loved ones, loved ones. They don't belong to you. Each of them has his own world and his own life. Each person is initially alone in this world, and at the same time, the whole world belongs to each of us. The universe gives you the opportunity, a kind of gift, to live with these people. Please accept this gift with gratitude and treat it with care. Strengthen the relationship by working on yourself, rather than aggression and hatred directed at imaginary or real opponents. Respect the individuality of your loved one! And remember! It is impossible to lose what does not belong to us.

Second. You already know the law - like attracts like. If you throw "sidelong" glances at others or you have a sexual attraction to others, then your loved one already subconsciously knows about it, only until he realizes it. And soon he may show the same behavior. Therefore, before you get jealous, worry about the purity of your own thoughts.

Third. Jealousy is also a sign that you are not as confident in yourself as in a man / woman. You consider yourself to be bad / bad or not good / good enough.

For example, if a woman has an inferiority complex, then she already gives the man a reason to look for what is missing in other women. Or a man who considers himself not courageous enough literally makes his beloved woman look for someone “on the side”.

Change your attitude towards yourself. Start to love, appreciate and respect yourself. If you doubt your love for you, then begin to show love for yourself - and then you will get a loved one the same. You are beautiful and worthy in this world of the very best, including living with your loved one and having a strong relationship with him.

Therefore, accept and love yourself as / as / as you are.

Fourth. Learn to trust. Trust in a loved one is the highest manifestation of love.

The fifth is no less important. Love can be expressed in different ways, but you shouldn't resort to jealousy. Otherwise, nothing will remain of your love. Jealousy is a very bad way to express your feelings.

Valery Sinelnikov "Love your disease"

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If you have never experienced a feeling of jealousy in your life, you can confidently be called a lucky one. According to statistics, most often marriages break up precisely because of jealousy. And this is not surprising, since jealousy can destroy any, even the most strong relationship.

In a truly loving heart, either jealousy kills love, or love kills jealousy.
Fedor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky

What is jealousy?

Feelings of jealousy can be divided into several types, which differ depending on the individual psychological characteristics of a person. Some will begin to be jealous only after the betrayal of a partner, while for others the most insignificant little thing is enough for this. Some people make scandals with screams, hysteria and "breaking the dishes", while others hide the "shameful" feeling deep in themselves - they smile outside and cry inside.

Why is it impossible not to be jealous?

It is impossible to learn under any circumstances not to be jealous of a loved one. Why? This is laid down at the level of instincts - a feeling of possessiveness inherent in everyone. One can not be jealous at all only of the one who is not loved.

As long as jealousy is within acceptable limits, it does not become chronic and pathological - it is a normal human feeling that can strengthen relationships.

What is jealousy - what does it mean? That they are afraid of losing you. What does its complete absence mean? Possible indifference.

Is jealousy a sign of love?

You have to understand that jealousy itself is not a sign of love.

In most cases, this feeling is not generated by devotion, but by inflated self-esteem and a painful fear of loneliness. Intense jealousy can ruin even long-term relationships.

The border of the unacceptable is crossed at the moment when the partner ceases to be perceived as a separate and free person, becomes just a “toy” that must live according to clearly established rules. After that, any deviation in behavior begins to be perceived as a personal insult, betrayal, which leads to serious conflicts.

Is jealousy bad?

The popular proverb “jealous means loves”, in fact, is defective, because the true proof of love is rather respect for the personality of a partner and the ability to trust him.

Jealous people tend to be too suspicious and offend their loved ones with their attacks.

Pathological jealousy

It is possible and necessary to fight painful jealousy. How else to maintain and build long-term harmonious relationships? A sign of pathology can be the emergence of this destructive feeling without any objective reasons - obvious flirting or lying on the part of the partner.

Collecting statistics on jealous people, psychologists found out that they have a strategy of building dependent relationships and low self-esteem. Such people lack confidence in their appearance and self-sufficiency on other fronts. Most of them are sickly suspicious, their trust cannot be earned in any way. In addition, by “love” such people understand the suffering they feel in relation to another person, which is quite rarely based on a real constructive feeling of love.

"There is gross jealousy - when you do not trust the one you love; there is refined jealousy - when you do not trust yourself."
Quote by Filippo Pananti

What are jealous people afraid of?

The main reason why jealous people are afraid of betrayal of a partner is possible loneliness and the need to re-search for a "soul mate". They are always emotionally dependent on their beloved, it seems to them that the partner has never loved them or stopped loving them and is preparing to leave.

Jealous people tend to make hysterical scandals and threaten their lives if a loved one leaves. The essence of jealousy with such behavior lies in low self-esteem, because of which jealous people do not believe in their own strengths, in what will be needed by someone else, someone better.

It happens that excessive pride and fear of the collapse of their own image make people feel jealous even of someone who was not needed initially. This type of jealous person believes that cheating on a partner will undermine their authority in the eyes of others and make them sexually unattractive. In this case, we are not talking about love.

Jealous cheaters

In addition, those who themselves often "go to the left" tend to be jealous. They view a partner through the prism of their relationship and believe that the beloved is doing the same thing as they are - looking for sexual attraction on the side. Such jealous people are not inclined to believe in loyalty and monogamy.

Jealousy when communicating

Sometimes the reason for jealousy is a different understanding of the norms of communication with the opposite sex: someone considers it permissible and normal to joke and flirt with everyone in a row, but it hurts another. Jealousy of this kind is also characteristic of those guys who do not believe in friendship between a man and a woman, so any communication of their soulmate with friends of the opposite sex is perceived with hostility.

What to do?

If jealousy begins to hurt both partners and destroys their love, then you need to directly discuss its reasons and find ways to improve the situation.

"Jealous means love", "jealousy in love is the same as seasoning in food", "jealousy intensifies passion" - surely each of us has heard these sayings more than once, so many people treat the jealousy of lovers, if not positively, then with understanding. However, is jealousy really strengthening relationships and a testament to love, or is it not? Why is jealousy, despite the fact that many consider it one of the manifestations of love, often the cause of family quarrels, conflicts between lovers and even the breakdown of families?

Jealousy and its causes

Most psychologists agree that jealousy is a destructive negative emotion that has little to do with love. People prone to pathological jealousy, according to experts, often have psychological and mental problems that have arisen as a result of emotional upheavals, acquired complexes and psychological trauma received in childhood. There are three main reasons for jealousy:

1. Inferiority complex - low self-esteem and pathological make a person think that his beloved will find someone better and leave, and this fear is the cause of jealousy

2. Proprietary attitude to a loved one - an egoistic person sees in his partner not a full-fledged personality with the right to personal space, but his "toy", which should always be there and satisfy all the needs of an egoist, pleasing his pride; the unwillingness of a loved one to be the "property" of an egoistic partner makes the latter jealous

3. Fear to lose a loved one - as a rule, jealousy for this reason is inherent in people who have already experienced a heavy loss in the past, or; these people lack the strength to let go of the past and transfer their fears and negative experiences to a new relationship.

The myth that jealousy strengthens relationships has long been debunked

Selfishness, fear, various complexes - these are the reasons for jealousy, and love for a partner has nothing to do with this feeling. To make sure that jealousy does not in any way strengthen the relationship, but only leads to mental suffering and is the cause of mutual grievances and conflicts between partners, it is enough to ask yourself two questions:

1. How do you feel when you are jealous? Are the emotions that accompany jealousy - a feeling of joy, happiness, satisfaction? No, jealousy is accompanied by resentment, anger, discontent, anxiety and emotional experiences. Jealousy is one of the most destructive feelings, which can quickly ruin the mood of the jealous person himself and deprive him of his peace of mind for a long time.

2. How do you feel when you are jealous, especially if the jealousy is unfounded? Only at the beginning of a relationship may a partner's jealousy seem pleasant, but very soon constant suspicions and discontent begin to irritate. Jealousy on the part of a loved one increasingly seems to the other partner as interference in his personal space, unreasonable mistrust and a desire to control, which leads to conflicts and can cause a breakdown in relations.

Obviously, jealousy does not strengthen a relationship and, over time, can kill even the strongest and most sincere love. It is quite difficult for jealous people to build a strong family with someone, since with a person who has a habit of being constantly jealous and distrustful, only a person with can be close for a long time; people with a stable psyche will very quickly get tired of constantly making excuses in front of a jealous partner, and they will prefer to break off the relationship. Therefore, those who dream of a happy relationship with a loved one need to get rid of jealousy towards their partner.

How to get rid of jealousy

There is no cure for jealousy, so in order to learn how to build relationships without this feeling, you need to do quite serious work on yourself. In order to get rid of jealousy, you need to eliminate the reasons that lead to it - get rid of your fears and complexes, as well as learn to respect the right of every person to personal space. Psychologists recommend that jealous people adhere to several recommendations with which you can curb your jealousy and, over time, completely get rid of it:

1. Realize that jealousy does not benefit the relationship, but only destroys it. Constant mistrust, inquiries, viewing the log of incoming calls in the partner's phone, reading his SMS, quarrels with a loved one based on jealousy and even spying on the chosen one (chosen one) - do these measures, which are pushed by jealousy, contribute to strengthening relations? On the contrary, they can cause dissatisfaction and resentment on the part of a partner and lead to a cooling of love relationships. "It is either pointless or too late to arrange spousal surveillance," said some clever man, and he is completely right: if he either leaves, his partner's jealousy will not stop him.

2. Realize and eliminate your fears. Often the cause of jealousy is the fear of losing a loved one, therefore, in order to stop being jealous, you need (no matter how pathetic it sounds) to look your fear in the eye. No one is safe from parting with a loved one, but separation is not the end of life. Therefore, you need to accept the fact that there is always a chance of parting with your partner, and realize that even if this happens, life will not stop, and your suffering after separation will not be endless.

3. Stop comparing yourself with others and "cheating" yourself. It seems to many jealous people that sooner or later their loved one will go to someone smarter, more beautiful, more successful, etc .; in every acquaintance of their gender, they see a potential rival. Every time such thoughts arise, you need to remember that your loved one chose you, and not someone else, which means that he loves you and there is no place in his heart for others. Therefore, you need to try to preserve love, and not offend your partner with mistrust and jealousy.

4. Develop relationships. A happy and trusting relationship with a partner is the best remedy for jealousy, because if you are sure that your loved one is happy with you, it will be much easier to cast aside suspicions and doubts and stop being afraid that parting will happen. Therefore, it is better to replace useless jealousy for a loved one with caring for him, trusting communication and a joint business.

5. To improve. Complexes and self-doubt are often the reasons for jealousy, therefore, in the chosen business, acquiring new useful knowledge, communicating with different people and increasing the circle of your own interests, you can not only raise self-esteem and overcome complexes, but also get rid of the habit of being jealous.

Almost everyone who experienced feelings of love sooner or later experienced feelings of jealousy as well. Why "almost everyone"? Yes, because there are lucky people among us who are able to trust their partner so much that in their thoughts they do not admit the possibility of betrayal on his part. But now we will not talk with you about them, but about ordinary people.
Jealousy is a terrible feeling. Even Shakespeare at one time compared jealousy with a "monster with green eyes", which destroys even the most powerful love. Jealousy is most often based on selfishness. Feelings of self-doubt, suspicion, distrust of your partner, low self-esteem, as well as the painful experience of cheating in past relationships are all that can make a person jealous. Jealousy is never able to strengthen relationships, on the contrary, it sows in them mistrust of each other and destroys that subtle spiritual connection, which is the concept of "love".
In most cases, people develop feelings of jealousy for two reasons. The first of these is the desire to dominate the relationship and completely control the partner. The second reason is the fear of being deceived.
People say: "If he is jealous, then he loves." To think so is a big mistake. At the root of jealousy lies not love at all, but selfishness. After all, true love lies in complete trust and respect for the life of your other half. A loving person, if his feelings are genuine, is unlikely to believe that the object of his love is capable of treason. Therefore, this is not about love, but about dependence, control, domination and hidden aggression. Don't believe me? Let's take a closer look at the common causes of jealousy.
Jealousy as the lust for possession
This is the most common type of jealousy. It is caused by high expectations from a partner. A jealous person imagines a picture of an ideal, cloudless life with a partner, and this life will be the way he wants to see it. The desires, needs and point of view of the partner are not taken into account at all. according to a person who wants to completely control the relationship, his partner has no right at all to communicate with the opposite sex, even when it comes to everyday conversation. And if in real life the partner's behavior does not meet these expectations, the jealous person begins to feel fear of losing control of the situation and begins to be jealous.
Jealousy as the fear of being deceived

This type of jealousy is a subconscious fear of humiliation. A jealous person fears that his partner may have a love relationship on the side, thereby deceiving and ridiculing him. Sensing such a humiliating attitude, a person prone to jealousy begins to arrange scenes of jealousy in order to protect their dignity.
The fact is that most often such suspicions are absolutely groundless and we are not talking about any real betrayal. It's just that the jealous person has faced resentment and humiliation in previous relationships, or he has such low self-esteem that he does not consider himself attractive enough and worthy of love. The roots of this behavior must be sought in the subconscious.
There is no place for jealousy in a true harmonious relationship. Respect your partner, trust him, and remember - where jealousy begins, love ends there!