Why my colleagues don't like me. A colleague has a habit of communicating via email

Hello dear readers. Today we will talk about how to understand that the team does not love you. You will find out for what reasons the dislike of colleagues can arise. You will know how to act in a given situation.

Possible reasons

If you are familiar with the phrase "they don't like me at work, why I can't understand", then there are a number of factors that can influence the emergence of hostility from colleagues.

1. A person who makes too much noise is irritating. He can speak his thoughts out loud by commenting on his actions. It can also be annoying to laugh too loudly or to have a loud ringtone on your phone that is constantly ringing.
2. They treat badly a person who does not know how to keep his mouth shut is a yap. He cannot be privy to secrets, In addition, if he accidentally hears something, he will definitely make it public.
3. They hate sluts who leave unwashed dishes in the sink, forget about spoiled food in the fridge, do not think that their colleagues are unpleasant with this behavior.
4. They do not like people who are trying with all their might to interfere in the life of each colleague. They do not understand what personal space is, they behave unceremoniously. Such people can take someone else's breakfast or drink tea from a colleague's cup without even asking permission.
5. The team dislikes people who try to seem the smartest. Whatever they talk about, he will always find something to resist. He believes that someone else's opinion is always wrong. Only he can be right.
6. The separation from the team does not add to the employee's pluses. If you are absorbed in moving up the career ladder, you are notorious and do not go to corporate parties at all, do not go to tea with your colleagues, then you will definitely become an outcast in the team.
7. The unkempt appearance of a person can also cause chagrin of colleagues. Who likes looking at an employee with a dirty head, bad manicure, or dirty, smelly clothes.
8. May dislike an employee who emits a bad smell. It can be a pungent scent of perfume, the stench of sweat, or bad breath.
9. Hostility can also arise towards competitors. It so happens that the teams do not really like responsible, hardworking and purposeful people, especially if they are in good standing with the boss.
10. They do not like toadies who are trying with all their might to get into the confidence of their superiors, constantly suck up, flatter the leader.
11. They may dislike a person who is greatly envied. If someone succeeds easily, this person has an excellent appearance, a beautiful figure and a good family and obedient children, then other colleagues have a strong feeling that borders on hatred.
12. They cannot stand whiners and pessimists who constantly complain about their life, how hard they work, how many problems at home.
13. They do not like employees who talk incessantly, ask stupid questions, tell nobody interesting information.

What to do

1. If too much noise comes from you, then it is time to remember that you are not in your own office or at home. Think about the rest of the staff.
2. If you are used to constantly interfering with something, insert your five cents, impose your point of view on others, then it's time to understand that such behavior is unacceptable. Every person has the right to speak out, and it's high time for you to understand that a person cannot always be right.
3. If you use too much perfume, because of which all colleagues literally choke, it's time to start limiting yourself. If you're not using an antiperspirant, start doing it. Watch the freshness of your breath, do not forget that you are in a team of people.
4. If you are used to not monitoring your language, constantly chatting about everything, it's time to grab your head and understand that such behavior is abnormal. There is no need to divulge information that you have heard from someone, especially in confidence.
5. If you have been hinted at sloppiness more than once, then it's time to learn how to clean up after yourself. You should not assume that the cleaning lady should groom you personally.
6. It is important to learn how to work as a team. If you strive to build a career, you must understand that cooperation with the team will allow you to more successfully move up the career ladder. Maintain communication with employees, rest often, do not overwork.
7. It is categorically unacceptable to grovel in front of the authorities, to try to please him in order to be in the favorites. You should be aware that this behavior will not please your colleagues, and the boss will be upset.
8. If you have been pointed out more than once about impudence, it's time to think about how you behave and start reckoning with other people, not to sit in their personal space.
9. If you begin to notice that too many negative thoughts are increasingly appearing in your head and you endlessly reproduce them in a team, then it's time to understand that unhappy people do not inspire confidence and a desire to communicate. It's time to change your outlook on life, if necessary, consult a psychologist. You need to be a friendly person with an optimistic attitude.
10. Look at yourself in the mirror, you may not look perfect when you go to work. Take care of your appearance. Make sure you have clean clothes, a washed hair, well-groomed nails, and proper makeup.
11. Look at yourself from the outside, perhaps you talk too much, and not always on the case, tell your colleagues what they are not interested in. If so, it's time to start monitoring yourself and filtering the information you want to give out.
12. If you are one of the best employees in the company, you regularly hear praise from your superiors, then you should understand that hatred is born in the hearts of colleagues. In such a situation, it is necessary, first, to help other employees. Let them see that you are noble, over time they will begin to respect. The main thing is to try not to emphasize your talents, let them be visible only to the boss. In a team, it is better to show your communication skills and be friendly to everyone.
13. Think about it, maybe they just envy you. It is possible that you too often talked about your successes, how happy your marriage is, what wonderful children you have. In such cases, it is better not to talk about it.

If you are familiar with the phrase “they don’t like me in the team, I don’t know what to do about it,” then you need to listen to the following tips.

1. Be patient with other people. Do not impose your opinion on anyone.
2. Observe the behavior of people who dislike you. Think about the reasons for this.
3. Do not provoke your colleagues into a conflict, especially those who do not treat you very well.
4. If possible, try to avoid those who dislike you.
5. Don't take the attitude of the team too personally. Especially if you are doing an excellent job with job responsibilities and do not have obvious problems in personal qualities.
6. Do not let your enemies lower your self-esteem by their actions and interfere with your full-fledged work.
7. Make sure that your relationship with the leader is at the proper level, do not argue with him, but do not suck up either.
8. Treat your place of work appropriately. Remember, if the situation gets out of control, you can always change this place to another.
9. Do not try to appear better and smarter than everyone. Nobody likes upstarts.
10. Try to connect with every member of the team.
11. If your company has certain rules, then you need to adhere to them. Do not refuse to attend corporate events.
12. Don't allow yourself to gossip or discuss someone.
13. Do your job well. Don't be afraid to ask for advice if necessary. Employees will help a less experienced colleague.
14. Follow the community code of conduct.

Now you know the answer to the question why they don't like me at work. As you can see, there can be several reasons influencing the emergence of dislike of colleagues. Evaluate yourself from the outside, draw conclusions about your behavior. Change if necessary.

When a new employee appears in the team, it is often not easy at first for both the newcomer and his new colleagues. Of course, there are such groups where gossip, hostility and misunderstanding are the norm, here the management should take drastic measures to correct the situation. Basically, rejection of a new employee can be characterized as alertness, fear of the unknown and defensive reactions of employees. It's quite normal. But if the general tension is lingering, then you should think about it, since the reason for this behavior of your colleagues may lie in you.

Having understood your negative qualities, which are the sources of evil, it will be easier for you to win over people and enjoy working in a team with a favorable microclimate. Often, hostile relationships between people have an extremely negative effect on the work process, the moral and physical health of each of its participants.

Manifestation of a collective boycott

Determining dislike for a new employee is easy. If at a new place of work you notice that your requests are ignored, they don’t smile at you, raise their voice for no reason, release “prickly” jokes and phrases at you, do petty dirty tricks and keep secrets behind your back - be sure that you are in into the people's disfavor. What awaits you in this case, if you do not attempt to change the situation in your favor? Teamwork and mutual assistance, which you desperately need in the first stage of work, are out of the question. If you do not show your best side to your superiors, of course, you will not work in this company, and after the trial period, they will wave your hand indifferently.

Sometimes colleagues' comments are logical and you should take them into account. For example, no one will like talking on the phone about personal matters while at work, because you are simply distracting your colleagues from their work duties. If you constantly ask to leave a little earlier from work, allow yourself to behave like a boss, then few people will understand your "special" privileges, because in fairness everyone should get what they deserve, and the rules of work are the same for everyone.

Who is always disliked or negative behaviors of newcomers at work

People tend to find fault with the little things in a new employee's behavior. This behavior is most pronounced in those cases when a person is taken to the place of a dismissed general favorite, as well as if employees who have been working in this company for a long time hoped for this position. There is nothing shameful if you ask the employees themselves or the management about this.

Other reasons for rejection of a newcomer are various models of behavior that cause natural social rejection. Here are the main negative types of behavior in a team:

Aggressor (rude). Such a person is distinguished by a pronounced aggressive and arrogant behavior, he always criticizes everyone, raises his voice, shows anger and impatience towards people.

Know-it-all... Each of us wants to be an expert in a particular area, somewhere to boast of our knowledge, skills and achievements, to hear praise and recognition in return. But there is a category of people who have categorical answers to all questions, they are confident that they are right, even if they are wrong.

Chatterbox... These people are sociable, good-natured and open, and all this is too pronounced for them. They usually try to interfere not only with the work tasks of their colleagues, but also with their personal life, giving most often stupid and inappropriate advice, discussing other people, stupid TV shows and TV shows.

If you consider yourself to be one of these types, then you should work on yourself, changing your character in a positive way.

How to please your colleagues

If your new colleagues do not please you with compliments and professional support, then you should adhere to some rules of behavior, in most cases contributing to quick adaptation in the team:

Adhere to accepted norms of communication and behavior at work.

Do your job efficiently, not ashamed to sometimes ask for advice from colleagues. People enjoy helping less experienced employees.

Define an informal leader in the team and try, first of all, to establish contact with him.

Find common topics of conversation with employees. If some of your coworkers are interested in travel, share some fun stories from your life during your break.

Still try to show fortitude. If you are confident that you are right and have enough arguments, then feel free to defend your point of view. Sneakiness is not welcome in today's business world.

Vita Yakusheva

10.09.2014 | 1402

Why doesn't the team love me?

Our PR agency had a very friendly team. Rather, everyone was friends with everyone, but not me. And I suffered for a very long time: why does no one love me? Why doesn't anyone ask how I'm doing? And at the same time I help everyone!

For example, the boss will instruct the boss to come up with plots for commercials, distribute to everyone on a topic for reflection, so I will invent for myself, and for all my colleagues. Or, before someone has time to write a press release, I’m right there: “Take it, here, I have already done everything!”

Every day my work colleagues moved away from me more and more, until I realized that I was alone like a finger. There were two ways out: to quit right away, because it was impossible to exist for a third of life in a vacuum, or quit, telling everyone how callous and ungrateful they are here.

Conversation with the boss

From such thoughts, I burst into tears right in the office toilet, where I was caught by the boss. Alla Petrovna asked what was wrong with me, it is true, without any participation, rather, for the sake of decency, but still asked.

I expressed my grievances as a spirit. “Listen, Yakusheva,” the boss told me. - I have been watching you for a long time and I cannot fail to note your zeal. But the problem is not that you offer help to your colleagues, it is how you do it.

“I wrote a press release for you,” you say, and who would want to use what you wrote after that? “I came up with all the topics for you” - you rejoice, but people are offended, because they feel like they are not capable fools.

At meetings you interrupt, you mercilessly criticize other people's ideas, adding at the same time: "So I came up with this topic, it will definitely suit you."

“My advice to you, Vita, do not impose, do not“ yakay ”, but try to listen to the people who work with you. Believe me, if you speak more quietly and less and simply offer, but not force to accept your help, the situation will improve. "

Life lesson

Of course, it is only in a fairy tale with a wave of a magic wand that everything instantly changes for the better. Events in life do not develop so quickly - for a whole year I have been painfully trying to remake myself, learn to listen and hear others, not to be an upstart.

And although sometimes the opposite "I" still escaped against my will, the relationship at work noticeably warmed up. Having changed my mind a lot during this time, I realized that life taught me a wonderful lesson that communicating with people is not at all such a simple matter as I mistakenly believed. Well, they learn from mistakes.

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What to do if suddenly everyone at work began to hate you.

There is no place for collectivists in the African savannah. It is more convenient to act according to the principle “every man for himself”: there is less responsibility. And if they eat it, no one will regret it. Therefore, zoologists were very surprised when faced with the phenomenon of mobbing: an attack by a group of animals on a lonely brother. Psychologists were even more amazed when they learned that mobbing is also present in human society. Moreover, according to statistics, he is found in every fifth team. Our task is to warn you and arm you with the latest methods of fighting this phenomenon.

With the fact that not everyone adores you, you gradually begin to get used to right after parting with diapers. Slurred words, awkward steps and a naive smile are not enough to cause a general explosion of delight and emotion. At first, toys, natural charm help, then a sense of humor, money and, finally, professional skills. Everything that allows you to find a common language with friends, colleagues and bosses.

This works with varying degrees of success, but the real surprise is the moment when even the most positive qualities and actions, instead of admiration, cause irritation and even hatred. It is quite possible that these are the first signs of mobbing, or simply bullying. Its goal is to keep a person out of the team by completely removing him from the staffing table and the list of employees.

Occasion

You don't have to spill carrot juice on a co-worker or trip him in the hallway to get on the list of enemies. He will do everything necessary for you himself. Looks at the payroll to check your salary against his own, or hears you flirting with the secretary to whom he wanted to offer his hand and heart. You can cross someone's path simply by getting a position that some of the old-timers of the company have been counting on for a long time.

The result is one: the offended begins to hatch insidious plans for revenge. If he enjoys formal or informal authority in the team, other colleagues quickly unite around him, and revenge becomes a common cause.

Methodology

The mobers' imagination is limited by the degree of their intellectual development. And, of course, official position.

It is not recommended to get the general director of the company as the main spiteful critic: the bullying will be ridiculously short. The most common mobbing tool is as commonplace as it is effective. This is gossip that is carefully cultivated and spread through curious ears. It is enough to appear in the office with circles under the eyes, and a rumor will immediately creep among colleagues that you have been drinking for the fifth day, mixing single malt whiskey with Zhiguli beer.

You drive up to the office in a new car - you will immediately be written down as a bribe-taker and will be predicted a dizzying criminal career. Another option for mobbing is petty sabotage. It can be blunt - bent paper clips on a desk, sharp buttons on a chair, or a virus running into your computer. Latent sabotage is the most dangerous. This is when you think that your instructions are being followed, but instead of the result you get round eyes and complaints of multiple sclerosis and early Alzheimer's.

The mobers will do everything to pin this miscalculation on you and report it to the management. Even if you can prove your innocence, the residue will remain.

Outcome

All these efforts will lead to the fact that any of your actions will be evaluated negatively. Didn't stay after work? Doesn't care about the interests of the company. Remained? Can't cope with work during regular hours. In general, your every breath will be accompanied by criticism and petty quibbles, which will only grow over time. Having been mobbed, you will quickly find yourself in social isolation. Psychologists note that in such situations a person quickly loses his bearings and becomes more and more helpless and insecure. Chronic stress and accompanying symptoms are formed - headache, insomnia, circulatory disorders, etc. At work, everything falls out of hand, any enthusiasm disappears completely.

As a result, it is easier to change jobs than to continue working in such conditions.

Actions

To clearly understand what you will have to struggle with, imagine that you are walking near a group of Spartak fans. At the same time, you are dressed in a red and blue color scheme. For the purity of the experiment, you can mentally shout: "CSKA is the champion." You need to decide whether to run away or fight very quickly, since there are only two things to evaluate. First, your strengths: are you ready to fight alone against the team? Secondly, how much do you love and value your football team (or work place): is it worth it to start a war for it?

If the answer to at least one of these questions is negative, the best solution is to write a letter of resignation. It is unlikely that someone will reproach you with cowardice or lack of will for refusing to fight an aggressive crowd for an empty idea. If you are determined to fight, take our advice into service.

Become vindictive

If, with enough anger, you complain about poor memory, start writing down all the wrongs you have. Keep a diary for this purpose. So write: “Today at 11:24 am Ivanov treacherously stepped on my foot, after which he laughed in my face. You bastard. " German psychologists advise to do this.

Fixed attacks will help to assess the strength of opponents, to understand who exactly belongs to them, what is the role of each person involved and whether the attack can be called a well-planned and systemic one. In addition, having in front of your eyes the actual pattern of military operations, you can develop a set of responses.

Identify the instigator

Almost certainly the initiative came (or originally came) from one person. Perhaps, even without analyzing your notes, you will be able to identify him - most likely, this is the one with whom you have an unresolved conflict. Now is the time to try to establish contact with the ringleader and eliminate the quarrel. Perhaps a confidential or, conversely, tough conversation will help out. If the instigator is a really authoritative person, mobbing should come to naught.

Find the "weak link"

In the ancient Roman stadiums, even after the most boring fights, there were citizens who raised their thumbs up out of a desire to save the lives of careless gladiators. Among the attacking colleagues, there will certainly be those who sympathize with you at heart and are silent during the discussion of your new polka-dot tie. Having approached them, you will practically introduce a saboteur into the rear of the enemy. From now on, when talking about your odious person, approving voices will sometimes be heard.

Find comrades in misfortune

It is likely that you are not the only one who is being mobbed in your friendly team. If one of your colleagues is also constantly forced to endure attacks and provocations from colleagues, you and him probably have a couple of common topics for conversation. It is unlikely that you will be able to conclude an invincible alliance, but at least you will have a psychological outlet that will help you quickly cope with other problems.

Eliminate mistakes at work

Even if the office has turned into a psychological battlefield for you, this does not mean that you need to forget about work. Your opponents are just waiting for you, carried away by confrontation with them, to begin to ignore your immediate responsibilities. Believe me, run to your boss with a shout: "Ivanov has again filled up the supply of pumps to the regions!" - will be the greatest joy for them. It is clearly in your best interest to avoid this. Having started a war with colleagues who dislike you, work as if your life directly depends on it. By the way, in a sense it is.

Appeal to the strong

Any competent leader understands that mobbing in his team harms business. Naturally, he will try to prevent it. Therefore, after a particularly insidious provocation, do not hesitate to draw the boss's attention to it. Most likely, he will intervene (unless, of course, he is the main mober, although in this case you are already looking for a new job). And in general, since they are trying to denigrate you in every possible way in front of the authorities, show your whiteness and fluffiness as soon as possible. But retaliatory attacks towards colleagues are best avoided - even in war, not all means are good.

Prevention

Having achieved a more or less high position, you actually exclude yourself from the number of potential mob objects. However, looking down on the rattle of your subordinates is the worst thing a boss can do. Mobbing is detrimental to the team as a whole. Talking about work in an environment where more than half of the employees are busy spreading rumors and weaving intrigues is simply pointless. Therefore, in order to reduce or eliminate the likelihood of mobbing in the team entrusted to you, take into account the following.

Get rid of the thieves

If you can somehow influence the recruitment of personnel, introduce a strict taboo on hiring relatives and old friends of your employees. The presence of tribal clans naturally leads to the emergence among them of a sense of their own elitism and impunity. Practice shows that it is among such singing "get-togethers" that mober initiatives are most often born. True, the situation may turn out exactly the opposite: a relative hired will fill a vacancy that one of the "veterans" has long dreamed of. It is he who will lead the team to attack the newcomer.

Introduce communism

We are not calling on you to build a welfare society in a single team. Just try to provide your subordinates with more or less equal working conditions and pay. For example, do not allow employees to receive new office chairs with a back massager and built-in coffee maker one by one: “upgrade” all workplaces at the same time. Try to make it as difficult for employees as possible to learn about the numbers on the payroll. Finally, avoid having your favorites, especially female ones, or at least keep your sympathies a secret.

Provide access to information

If some information about the affairs of the company is not intended for a limited circle of users, for example, top management, it should be truly public. All sorts of meetings, planning meetings and briefings help make them such. All this allows keeping hundreds of mines up to date on the main information flows. As a result, there is no elite caste in the collective, which learns important information earlier than others. And in every possible way seeks to abuse this.

RISK GROUP

If you fall into one of these categories, the likelihood of being mobbed increases dramatically.

External employee
Serfdom was abolished in our country more than 150 years ago, but it is still customary to buy up especially valuable souls. In a new job, such an employee receives privileges in at least three parameters: salary, attention from superiors, and dislike of colleagues.

Inexperienced beginner
If you have not served in the army and escaped bullying, you will probably have to more than taste all its delights in your first job. This, of course, is not exactly mobbing, but it can also lead to thoughts of dismissal.

Retiree
"Make way for the young!" Under the guise of such a life-affirming slogan, comrades under the age of 50 and older are accused of sclerosis, senile dementia, non-modernity and other features incompatible with work. If you happen to be such a retiree and do not occupy the chair of a director or minister, mobbing towards you is almost inevitable.

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