What does a relationship without commitment mean. Relationships without commitment - pros and cons

Is intimacy between a man and a woman appropriate if they don't want to become a couple?

Recently, psychological literature, including those intended for the general reader, often speaks of so-called friendly sex. This refers to the relationship between people who occasionally or regularly enter into intimate contacts with each other, but do not want to become a couple, do not give each other oaths of allegiance, are not going to run a joint household, and even more so go to the registry office.

At the same time, a man and a woman are not indifferent to each other, they feel sincere sympathy. Both are ready for mutual help and support. As a rule, they have common interests, they always have something to talk about not only in bed, but also in a different setting. In general, real friends!

Do not offer debauchery?

Often, friendly sex is perceived as a form of debauchery, a manifestation of promiscuity and promiscuity in sexual relations. However, you can view the situation in a completely different way.

“Igor and I have known each other for sixteen years. We met when we were both twenty years old, fell in love with each other. We wanted to be together, dreamed of a wedding, family and children, but it didn't work out ... ”- says Ekaterina.

Much water has flowed under the bridge since that time. Katya was married, became the mother of a charming daughter Alyonushka. Igor was married three times, in each marriage he had a son. Now the brown-eyed programmer is divorced again. For many years Igor and Catherine did not lose sight of each other. They were moving closer and then again moving away.

“Almost always during our meetings there was intimacy, but we did not deceive our spouses. Our meetings took place only when both Igor and I were free from obligations, ”the young woman explains. Why can't Catherine imagine that she and Igor will become a normal couple? "I do not get the point of it. He is not able to remain faithful, to refuse endless parties. But for friends, including me, he is ready to break into a cake. And in bed he suits me perfectly. "

Need for affection

“I do not condemn people who enter into an intimate relationship“ in friendship ”,” says psychologist Nina Kruglova. After all, both men and women have a natural need for close contact with the opposite sex. In addition, not all people, due to various circumstances, can and want to create a family and even form a permanent couple. But everyone has a need for affection, communication and support. "

However, regardless of moral principles, a friendly intimacy is fraught with many pitfalls. The main danger is that one of the partners may consider these contacts solely as a spicy erotic adventure, and the other may expect a serious relationship.

Even if a man and a woman immediately agree that their relationship will be "free", excluding the manifestation of jealousy and possessiveness, this agreement is sometimes difficult to comply with. It is very likely that you will fall in love with a partner, and unrequited love always hurts.

Keep a secret

A significant part of men and women who enter into intimate relationships out of friendship try not to advertise their contacts. This happens for many reasons. First, this style of relationship is publicly condemned. Secondly, “friends-lovers” are often in search of permanent partners. Therefore, they seek to hide that they have someone.

The danger of addiction

You can argue for a long time about whether a friendly intimacy is acceptable from a moral point of view. But the main danger of this kind of contact is getting used to it. Relationships in a couple are unthinkable without finding compromises, without working on oneself, without mutual obligations, without the ability to look for and find a way out of conflict situations. Love is not only happiness and harmony, but also hard work.

Friendly sex may well bring psychological relaxation, but it will never make two people truly happy.

Relationships without commitment only seem simple in appearance, in fact, a woman subconsciously becomes attached to the man with whom she has sex. Therefore, it is worth adhering to the rules that will help you fully control the process.

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Each woman has her own psychology, her own rules of the game and her own view of relationships with a man. Someone chooses a family at the age of nineteen, someone builds a career up to thirty, and someone simply is content with freedom and is in no hurry to put a ring on the ring finger. the site, together with the psychologist and sex trainer Ekaterina Fedorova, talked about what helps keep your distance in an open relationship and how to behave so as not to play too much.

In this case, we will not talk about morality and norms, about why women choose a relationship without obligations, why they need it, and so on. There are many reasons - this is the disappointment of past relationships, and an unsuccessful first marriage, and psychological attitudes, and the intimate side of the issue. Why did we even touch on this topic? After sex, women produce a huge amount of oxytocin, the hormone of attachment, which means that an open relationship, if not controlled, can play a cruel joke.

Forget jealousy and control

The most important rule to follow. You should not control your partner and ask questions: "Where have you been?", "Who were you with?", "Why didn't you call for three days?" and so on. Of course, this is not always easy, since at a certain stage a woman wakes up a sense of ownership. However, if a woman chooses such a relationship, she must understand that a partner's personal life is open to other women, and if this fact is difficult to accept, then a relationship without commitment is not for you.

Respect each other's freedom

The most important rule of no-obligation relationship is freedom. Do not limit your communication with men: meet, smile, be interesting to yourself and those around you. The same rule applies to your partner - complete freedom of action and preference.

Don't start conversations about everyday topics

“Can you imagine, today you called the plumber, but he didn’t come”, “I took the curtains to the dry cleaner - as there were stains, they remain, what are they doing there ?!” Agree, it reminds the replica of an experienced wife. For a man, this is a direct signal that they are trying to introduce him to family problems, even if you did not even have this in your thoughts.

Don't forget about contraception

An open relationship must be secure, so don't forget about protection. Even if your partner insists on closer contact, it's best not to risk it. In addition, it is better to approach the choice of means of protection together - this way you can determine the required level of protection and avoid an unpleasant incident.

Don't introduce him to friends and family.

The most frivolous act of a girl in an open relationship is to invite a partner to a family celebration or a party with friends. Not only may a man not like such an offer, but also relatives will think that if you introduce them, it means that the wedding is coming soon. Not everyone is able to understand a relationship without commitment. Today you told your friend about the passionate night, and tomorrow all your friends look askance at you.

Be spontaneous and unpredictable

If your partner suits you and you don't want the flirting to end quickly, be different and unpredictable. However, you should not fulfill your partner's whims on demand. If he wants you to dye your hair or change the style of clothing, you should not immediately run to the beauty salon and shopping.

Don't spend a lot of time with your partner

Schedule meetings with your partner in advance and don't spend a lot of time together. If today you were planning to go to a concert of your favorite artist, and your partner called a couple of hours before him and offered to spend the evening together, do not agree. Thus, you will show that he is not number one in your life, and next time let him call in advance.

Control your senses

Falling in love is not a tricky business, but if you are not planning to translate a temporary affair into a stable relationship, it is better to keep your emotions under control. I am a supporter of the fact that if you want a free relationship and at the same time remain mentally healthy, then you do not need to mess with married men. In an affair with a married man, you will never be completely satisfied. You have to understand that an affair with a married man is a difficult song. Such novels can be afforded by married women, although there are a lot of pitfalls here. But a free girl does not need to get involved in all this at all. Let's be honest: when we have already suffered and feelings block our mind, we are no longer able to assess the situation objectively. Therefore, it is important to keep yourself in control and not do anything stupid.

Anna Tok, editor of the section "He and she":

The most important rule in such a relationship is to clearly understand why you need them. To be honest, I have never heard an intelligible answer to this simple question. These are always excuses, hidden hopes, lack of self-confidence and in relationships. It is sad that most often women go to this type of relationship out of despair. Even sadder is the fact that this format reduces the chances of having a normal, healthy relationship. Because for now, you are wasting time communicating with a man who does not need anything from you except sex, somewhere out there, a more worthy guy passes by.

Are there real benefits in them and how not to get into them for those who do not want it. We figure it out together with a practicing psychologist Nelly Yakimova.

1. In a relationship without commitment, there is no love

This is the most common misconception. In relationships, the form does not always match the content. We will not assert that love and harmony reign in all seemingly strong couples. And that people return to the family nest to their loved ones and relatives, and not to those who are boring and annoying for a long time. So it is in a free relationship. Even if a couple does not spend all the time together and does not immerse the relationship in everyday life, this does not mean that they do not love each other. Perhaps, on the contrary, the feeling is so strong that it implies trust, and there is no point in keeping your partner on a leash.

But there is another symptom of the times - to consider love as a weakness and archaism, something unusual for a successful person. It's easier to identify yourself as someone who is making a career, but there is simply not enough time for a full-fledged personal life. And in this case, a relationship without commitment (albeit with love) turns out to be not the best, but still a compromise.

Psychologist's comment: “The desire to remake a partner, to change what does not suit us, has little to do with love. And on the contrary, the willingness to accept the other with his "cockroaches", habits that sometimes do not suit us, and a different way of life speaks of respect.

I am convinced that love can only exist in freedom - in the sense that it is everyone's choice. If it is not there, it is already an addiction. But it's not about the fact that real feeling is possible only between those who have chosen a relationship without commitment. "

2. In such a relationship, partners do not owe each other anything

When it comes to budgeting and weekend trips to parents, of course, an open relationship does not imply such obligations. But they mean others, which must also be observed. For example, to leave irritation and fatigue behind the threshold, not to burden with problems, not to bother with jealousy and possessive instincts. Not demand attention, but wait for the other half to want and be able to give it herself. Agree, not everyone is able to observe this.

However, to be honest, the same is required by a permanent relationship, but you need to be able to maintain it every day and every minute. And here what we give, we do not always get back. There is a great risk of giving up everything, abandoning your obligations and removing them from your partner.

Psychologist's comment: “This can be a daunting task for people who are used to very close, intense relationships. But for those who prefer distance, such agreements can make life much easier.

However, there is a trap: in order to comply with the agreement and meet expectations, you have to hide from it (and sometimes from yourself) "inappropriate" feelings, desires and manifestations. As a result, it is not living people with real needs that end up in relationships, but idealized, refined images. "

3. Only the weak agree to a relationship without commitment.

At first glance, it seems that a relationship without commitment is the lot of undemanding people. Those who cannot refuse a loved one and are ready to see each other from time to time, or those who do not want to take responsibility and are looking for easy meetings. But how long will a weak person hold out in standby mode and do not fall for claims and demands to immediately solve everything and live "like people"? Will he have the courage to ignore the opinions of others and maintain relations that are not accepted in "decent society"?

Perhaps, therefore, an open relationship is difficult to endure in the first place for the weaker half. It is women who are characterized by spontaneous manifestations of feelings (outbursts of jealousy and tenderness, for example), which here have to be controlled and kept within limits. But if you live in tension and do not know how to let go of the situation, love will become not an island of calm, but a continuation of the struggle. Those who are not accustomed to rest and build relationships so that nothing is given simply, but only as a result of efforts and overcoming.

Psychologist's comment: “Although today the social norms governing marriage and relationships are not strict, many continue to feel uncomfortable, falling into the category of 'not like everyone else.' The point here is also in our recent collectivist past, when it was simply dangerous to stand out from the crowd, and the fear of being rejected by society and, ultimately, being left alone ...

It is always easier to follow the beaten path than to make your own, but today there are more people who are not looking for easy ways. Of course, the resistance of the environment is far from being as strong as 50 years ago, but there is a trend. "

4. This kind of relationship is just a cover.

“Covering up weakness, uncertainty, unwillingness to take serious steps and grow up, cover up complexes and betrayals” - this is easier for the majority to think when evaluating a couple who practice an open relationship. By attaching negative labels to everything unfamiliar, we forget that it is safer to have something more generally accepted and not conspicuous as a cover. And relations without obligations cannot be such a screen in any case. On the contrary, they will only highlight the inconsistency. But for a person with such a position, they will become a manifestation of his outlook on life, and for someone who doubts what he wants - revealing truth.

In the end, your feelings are important, and not what you have to hide from other people's opinions. Discomfort can be hidden from ill-wishers, but it is difficult from yourself. And to understand the reasons for such a choice is possible only by moving away from stereotypes and accusations.

Relationship without commitment. Why do we need them?

By entering into a romantic relationship with each other, we make a silent promise to be together in the most important and everyday moments of life. To overcome difficulties together and enjoy happy moments, take responsibility and remain faithful. But it so happens that not for everyone this relationship scheme is relevant and they choose a relationship without commitment. This type of relationship represents complete freedom of action. Each of the partners, by mutual agreement in advance, can enter into sexual relations without a twinge of conscience and accept courtship of other people.

Among the benefits of a no-obligation relationship are:

- A rich and active sex life. At any time, partners can go and get to know someone and get completely new sensations. Sometimes this type of relationship is chosen by couples in which one of the partners is a “player”. In order to feel at their best, they need to get a lot of attention from other people. By establishing another relationship, they seem to prove to themselves that they are still nothing and can win "another prize". Therefore, an open relationship is ideal for them, since no one commits to anything and does not demand anything.

Perhaps you will also be interested in our article, about your beloved

- When one of the partners travels to another country to study or work for a long period of time, the couple can agree on an open relationship. Thus, each of them will know about each other's amorous affairs on the side, and conflicts and reproaches on this basis will no longer arise.

Disadvantages of a no-obligation relationship:

- Jealousy, which can arise at any time. Not everyone will be able to share their loved one with others. While it may not seem like a big deal at first, over time, jealousy can become the dominant emotion in a relationship.

Read also our article on how and how to deal with it

- This type of relationship most often has to be kept secret from other people, relatives and acquaintances, since for many such relationships cause censure and negative feelings. The society still has traditional views on family life, romantic relationships, and most of society is trying to adhere to them.

- Such relationships most often end in a breakup, since one of the partners can find a new, permanent partner for himself, to whom he will experience deeper and more mature feelings. Over time, he will make a choice in favor of the usual traditional relationship, while leaving his previous partner with a nose. In most cases, as it turned out, such people did not need freedom in relationships, but true love, which they finally found.

Psychological aspects of a relationship without commitment

Such relationships may be preferred by "kidalts" - adults who cannot grow up in any way and behave like children. Such people are afraid of responsibility and are not ready for it, they do not want to be responsible for actions in a relationship with their partner, because a carefree life is much more attractive for them. "Adult" life with all its rules, compromises, the need to adjust to other people seems boring and unattractive to them. A strong, trusting and real relationship between lovers requires seriousness and the fulfillment of certain obligations to each other, which of course does not like infantile personalities.

Despite the large number of romantic relationships in the lives of people who choose a relationship without obligation, they end up very lonely. This feeling will grow over time, and it will only be possible to satisfy it with true love, which is the only one. After all, in the end, such a sloven life becomes boring and connections with others become meaningless. If there is no person near you with whom you see your joint future for many years, there is no one to call dear and unique, then life begins to gradually turn gray before our eyes. An emptiness is formed inside, although outwardly everything may seem festive and happy.

The problem of the need for such a relationship can be traced back to childhood. If a person did not receive attention and love from his parents, they did not communicate much with him, ignored his needs, did not listen to him, considered important things for him stupid, then such a person chooses a destructive, similar to the parental model of behavior, where love and respect for another is not was a priority. They try to fill their reservoir of love from many sources instead of just one.

Sometimes this type of relationship can be chosen by two broken hearts who no longer want to fall in love in a given period of time. Therefore, they choose a non-binding relationship with a partner for whom they feel nothing. Thus, they protect themselves from negative emotions and experiences. But in this case, their relationship can develop according to two scenarios: either such people begin to experience feelings and become a real couple, or they meet someone with whom they can open their heart again, fall in love, then they abandon a hopeless relationship without commitments in favor of a new beautiful feeling ...

Whether to enter into a relationship without obligation or not is only your choice, you yourself know what is best for you. But do not be afraid of the feeling of being in love and the responsibility that love carries. Trust and strong, happy relationships take time. Open your heart, give a chance for true love to settle in your soul, and be absolutely happy, you deserve it.

Every man at least once in his life would like to meet a woman for meetings without obligations. Sex at any convenient time, the absence of the need to make empty promises and complete freedom of action - this is what attracts modern people in such meetings. Such relationships are characterized by a high degree of freedom. People who join them are not required to remain faithful or to control each other. But at the same time, they are bound by a feeling of sympathy, trust and respect for the wishes of the half.

Many women seek to meet with the opposite sex and do not seek to get married. More recently, such a lady caused only negative emotions in others. But today young people are in no hurry down the aisle. They want to make a career, travel the whole world or at least part of it, and then they think about creating a family. For them, dating is a way to have a good time. Therefore, they do not seek to control the man in everything. In addition, they reserve the right to intimate meetings with those whom they themselves choose.

Another type of girls who prefer a relationship without obligation are ex-wives. Often the young lady was already married or in a civil marriage and did not see anything good there. Therefore, today such a woman is looking for a man to meet and nothing more. No one is safe from disappointments in love. If you have already been burned once, the next time you will think many times before starting a new passionate romance.

Dating will bring a lot of positive emotions, help to regain self-confidence and make you feel the most attractive and desirable. It is not necessary to swear eternal loyalty and love for this. Can girls remarry for free relationships? It depends on many factors and above all on the desire of the woman herself. It is quite possible that after non-binding meetings, the girl will again come to the idea of \u200b\u200ba stamp in her passport. But until that time, she will enjoy life and her freedom.

Many modern men also strive to find a woman for free love. Some of them are married people who are bored with family life and want variety in sex. Such will not make empty promises, and remain faithful. But on the other hand, women for meetings can be sure that the partner is as honest with them as possible. If the union suits everyone in the existing triangle, then it can last for many years. The wife stays with her husband, the man does not seek additional acquaintances on the side. And the girl is in an open relationship that is like a holiday.

Another type of young people who say "looking for a girlfriend" are those who have been married or are inveterate bachelors. They do not need a woman who is the keeper of the hearth. They themselves are able to cook dinner and load the washing machine. They do not want to limit themselves and strive to get all the benefits of life to the maximum. Therefore, women for meetings without obligations are ideal for them. They get a passionate mistress, or even several at once. After all, a man immediately honestly warns that he is looking for a woman for intimate meetings, and not a constant companion. And there can be many such girls. In Moscow, as in many other metropolitan areas, people prefer to build a career, not love. So the no-obligation option is ideal for them. Wealthy men are ready to keep in touch with a girl if she does not strive for marriage.

When there is absolutely no time for a long romance, finding a woman can be difficult. Especially if you have a free evening, but there is absolutely no one to spend it with. The easiest way is to go to the site and choose from the questionnaires the one that is as close as possible to the ideal. As mentioned above, not all girls strive to take a place in the heart. Many ladies are comfortable with one night stand or weekend dates. There are many places in Moscow where you can retire to people who are already married and not be afraid that acquaintances will accidentally see them.

The site contains profiles of girls of different ages. Experienced beauties already know why a young man writes "looking for a girl." As soon as you register on the resource, women themselves will begin to write to you and all that remains is to choose the one who will be happy to spend the evening in a pleasant company and will not insist on long-term relationships.